Howdy ~tetris, good to see you here.
Reading your thoughts has of course brought up my own experience. I have been on a similar path a long time ago in my life. I met the nicest lady I could imagine in $foreign_country in 1990. I was still a student. We fell in love badly. My options were quite limited at the time, and internet and video calls were not common. But I chickened out of that possible future much sooner than you. It took me quite some time an a "midlife crisis" to realize (among a lot of things), why I had done that. And only after that I could make peace with this decision of mine. It still haunts me once in a while. But "what, if" is not a good advisor. We cannot go back and try again. Even though this dream of going back has been cast into an incredible video to the music of Johnny Clegg: King of Time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7ssXuvNf9k
I hope you can make peace with your decision rather sooner than later.
~bartender? Coffee for me, and whatever it takes for ~tetris. He might have a long journey ahead. And give him that jar with the magic refills, will you? Thank you so much.
Hey ew, it's always good to hear from you.
I'm currently sitting in a mostly empty apartment, all my furniture dismantled and packed, ready to be picked up by the transport van in a few days. My ex came to collect her plants. We talked a bit. Me in heaving cries, and her in a slightly detached demeanor. I asked her how could she be so calm, and she told me that she deals with her grief through depression.
It took me quite some time an a "midlife crisis" to realize (among a lot of things), why I had done that
Can I ask what it was for you? Why did you do it?
And only after that I could make peace with this decision of mine.
I hope you can make peace with your decision rather sooner than later.
I'm not sure I will ever move past this. I hurt a really good person. I mourn the children we will never have.
Thanks for the song btw, I cherish anything upbeat at the moment, even if the lyrics are sad.