On this page I hope to compile notes on odd incidents that happened to
me in the last few years, rather than making individual files about each...

THE FAKE IKEA
I looked ridiculous, I'd washed my hair and let it dry in the sun
and it went twice normal size i guess but I thought maybe I can carry
this off. I stopped off at 'Ikea' but the staff were falling round the
place laughing at my ridiculous hair. So I just wanted an underlay 
for a rug called 'Stopp Filt' and it turned out that they could order it
in for fifteen euros - and it was only a six euro item. It turned out this
was some clown world fake Ikea. The real Ikea is 25 minutes away. 
Welcome to my world.

The CAR JACKER
I drove to the island bridge in the winter. It was really dark. I had a
torch and there were LED lights on the dogs. As I got to the car park
a small skinny migrant was coming at my car, he was right up against my
window, reaching in the window, I looked at him and he had droopy eyes 
that were half-closed all the time. I got away but I had to turn around
the car and get past him again!
By now I had the doors locked and the windows rolled up. I rev the nuts 
off the engine and get past him but he tries to open the door as I pass
him. And I know if he'd got in he would have choked me.

the ABORTION posters
There were posters celebrating the law being changed. In the 
first year there were exactly 6666 abortions. And they were gloating
about it... Since then the numbers have gone up. They were outside
the church, shrine of Our Lady of Dublin. They were corrugated plastic.
I could twist them off the poles, rotate them so I was going along the 
street doing that and binning them. Then three communists or regime 
people followed me and went ahead of me to the next poster and eyeballed
me so I had to stop. (none of their business) It's risky in my country 
even to have a pro life car sticker.

That's all I can think of for now. (edited to add)
THE BURDEN this is something I was thinking back over lately.
I wanted a bulb for my mag-lite. It was a tenner postage to Ireland
but freepost to London so I asked my friend in London could he take 
delivery and bring it over, because we would meet every second weekend 
for a beer but he was reluctant and I 
thought it was just his sense of humour or persona so he did bring the 
little envelope over but it turned out he was increasingly nasty about 
it and it turns out he is suspicious and seemed to assume it was drugs, 
no matter how much I explained - 

Never again! Not worth it to save a tenner.

at WAR AGAINST THE PUBLIC
I drive around without a seat belt. One day an unmarked car started
flashing blue lights, huge fuss, a woman cop jumped out and demands
my licence and I get fined 60 euros and she was only half my size.
I asked for descretion, leniency, but she said 'sorry, not today'
So there are cops going around watching other drivers instead of
just watching where they're going. Myself, I do it the other way 
round. They see joe public as the big enemy, and they try to blend 
in with joe public in their unmarked cars and I still don't wear a
seatbelt 

DON'T GO THERE
Imagine if this happened. You go to your brother's seaside holiday
house where you can hear the waves crashing on the rocks. You walk
to the nearest village with the dog but  
everywhere you go in the village he keeps popping up. 
You can't help thinking that he may be doing some sort of
psychological trickery but can't quite discern what it is. And he 
invites his friends and they are such nervous wrecks that you go 
mute and turn to drink. And so you go to the convenience store and 
buy some tins of beer and you are walking along the main road of 
the village just drinking a can of beer and your brother is there 
and he's a wine snob and also ridiculously law abiding. Awkward.

the poorly designed 'ZINE 
There was a guy who did a 'zine years ago and it was a4 size.
All the text started at the left and went all the way to the
right with no gutter. There was no white space and the text
was all justified. Also instead of using a longarm stapler
he was just using sticky tape or putting in staples at the 
edge and these are all exactly what you never do in page 
layout but he wasn't too bothered.

the fellow who speaks ENGLISH


I would always go to the main shopping street and the scammer
would frantically ask me if I speak English and I would always 
claim that I did not speak it. He would ask everyone
 if they speak English. (It's a trick like asking "can I ask
you a question?" ) And so he asks what 
language I speak. So I said that it's an English-speaking 
country, you don't need to spend all day asking everyone on 
the street if they speak English and he claimed that not 
everyone speaks English. I said don't want to be constantly 
asked me if I speak English, every time I come into town.

If you were to describe the topography of the local park
you could say it is mostly on a plateau and drops off 
towards the liffey. Well one day there was something 
wrong on the road through the park, some emergency and I
knew I would never get home my usual way, so I drove my car
across the grass and down off the edge of the plateau towards
the magazine fort. Only a footpath but a good shortcut. 
Then a small van followed...  and it
came down the slope just fine then a double decker appeared
at the top and gravity took over and it flipped over.
Along the way down it killed some walkers. OK so I thought
they needed help 'someone please call 999' I said. I
went up to see could I help and there was also an avalanche
and all these poor people were buried alive and there really
was no sign of them. And if you were to play the blame 
game you could say that I was the cause of it by leading
all these other drivers astray. 

SO THERE YOU GO, just a sample of the almost unimaginable things
that seem to happen to me - I just cannot win.
/ / /