author: melyanna
Hei Hei! Long time no see. I have been working really hard and barely have any time or energy for my personal projects. Also I am currently in Finland and the darkness here makes me want to sleep. I know I need to find a better work-life balance, but somewhere in 2018-19 I forgot how to. I truly am a binge-worker: my job is where I go to hide from life's problems. And with no family of my own it's just too easy for me to look at work stuff during my free time.
I was walking home earlier and I was ramdomly stopped by a stranger, an older woman wearing a lot of makeup asking me where I bought the shirt I am wearing (which is just a plain blue shirt). I told her I am not sure as it must have at least 10 years. And she went: "Wow it looks new! You kept it so well!" then she just walked away before I could finish saying "Thank you". I guess it was nice, if not a little puzzling? I do put a lot of effort into making things last and avoiding fast fashion...
i just had bad news. No one is in danger so in that sense it's OK. However it does hurt and I am a little scared. If I ask myself "will this matter in one year, or five years?" the answer is probably yes. But maybe I can't think objectively.
Ah, I was supposed to take part to a charity run tomorrow (Wings for Life World Run, for spinal chord injury research), but there was a big fire at a manufacturing plant in the area and outdoors activities are now forbidden for at least one day. This is quite sad, both the cancelled event, and the consequences of the fire. At least my donation is still valid even if I don't run, so my contribution to the cause is still there.
I am sometimes nervous about posting here: I love gemini, but I think I am in a smaller group of people here with no programming / technical knowledge, so I wonder if my updates are really just kind of boring or uninteresting for people in this space.
March, April, May are ways very *intense* at work, my days all kind of blurring together. I have been wanting to pick up some healthy habits again, but I am often too tired. Travel back and forth from Italy to Finland is also disrupting my routine (which I need to function). While this may all sound a little negative, I am actually doing OK. Better than I was at this time last year for sure. Slowly climbing back up to a happy spot.
I am back after a long hiatus.
So much happened in the past months: I've struggled with depression and panic attacks and I was feeling very low.
I know the main reason was my living situation and such.
That is now fixed: I moved to an apartment which is *mine* and I am doing things to take care of myself. I am in a stable (long distance) relationship that doesn't make me anxious and that feels right.
Everything is looking good for recovery: if now that I have removed all my sources of anxiety and sadness I am still not making progress, I guess that means the wound's too deep and I need therapy.
Tough month. Thankfully it is almost over. Tough Christmas day too! Thankfully I will be going to Vienna tomorrow to see my partner and some friends; we are celebrating New Year's Eve together and then spending some time relaxing in Vienna.
Snow and wind here in Helsinki today. It has been like this for the past 4 days. I love it (when I don't have to go outside). Not sure if my Italian genes can cope though if I have to leave the house. XD
I can't believe it's been a month already. I should update more often!
I am currently in Finland, enjoying the dark and cold I guess... Well, Finland *is* beautiful when the weather is being nice.
I am happy here though. Already dreading the moment when I will have to go back.
It's getting colder here. I really like autumn air. It reminds me of when I was a child at the end of Summer and it was time to go get new school supplies, and being excited for my first day back to school.
I am back! I am sorry for being away for so long. I've had to travel, but also just generally pause on a lot of stuff.
... and now I have a temperature! :(
On a more positive note, watched episodes 1 to 4 of Stranger Things and I am liking it so far.
My cold got very annoying last night, I didn't get to sleep much, so today I took a rest day (just some yoga, no exercise, long nap in the afternoon). I did paint an abstract landscape on a whim. I think it turned out nice, so I will probably revisit the concept soon.
Half of my brain is telling me we are too tired and should sleep all day, the other half wants to pick up Esperanto and go back to learning python... Being off from work is confusing. XD
My gemini capsule has a gemlog now and I update it usign a script I made...
I tried running but it was too hot and I am too out of shape so I only did 10 minutes, then took a long walk. It was actually quite nice anyway. Tomorrow I'll go back to an easy training plan so I can get myself back into shape and start training seriously for the charity run in a few months.
I feel like I have been away from here for ages. I think it's just a couple of weeks though?
Work has been intense... but not I am taking a couple of weeks off! My first two days off I was basically a low-energy blob of tiredness, but I am starting to feel a bit less burned out already.
I have been away for a few days: work life got *intense*.
I hope everyone in here is doing OK?
It's really hot in Italy right now, it's kind of hard to function - but I just need to survive June then I'll be in Finland enjoying some holidays!
JinJer is back in the set list for Tuska, I hope they make it. I also wish we'd read good news about the situation in Ukraine in general, but I feel like that's wishful thinking at this point.
Whever the topic of younger generations comes up, I've been trying to explain my father where their nihilism comes from, however I think the generational gap is too big for him to really understand.
All this time spent being grumpy about how adding my Now updates directly into the html page is uncomfortable, and it *just* occurred to me I can chug it into a text file and use cat.
Love, Death + Robots S3 was amazing. As good as S1 and S2 if not better. I liked each episode, but I think "Night of the Mini Dead" was my favourite because it made me smile a couple of times.
Those who reached out to me in my sad update the other day: thank you so much. It means a lot to me. <3
I need to scream into the void. Please ignore me. It's just... it all hurts so much and I feel alone. I'll be fine in a minute.
I wonder if there is a gemini ring for geminauts with Now pages...
New project: added to my capsule a list of books that changed my life. The list is small for now, but I will keep adding more. gemini://tilde.club/~melyanna/library.gmi
I have no energy today. :(
I was hoping to go for a run, or at the very least for a long walk; turns out it's too hot and I am feeling too tired to even move.
Spent all day reading and mucking around with my pi instead.
Anyone doing anything interesting with their tinylog feed?
I hear a lot of people saying they are abandoning gemini and moving on to something else (or back to the WWW) but I actually like it more in here than anywhere else.
It's been an intense day at work! Busy for sure but felt productive and went in a breeze. I feel like I could sleep for an entire week now.
Writing from my phone :)
Revamped my gemini capsule a little (also moved it to tilde to keep experimental things a bit more tidy).
gemini://tilde.club/~melyanna/
There is content I want to add and I'll move some stuff around so it soon won't look like a big wall of text anymore!
I completed my first Wings for Life World Run today!
The run is for charity and has the purpose to raise funds for research to cure spinal cord damage.
It was great fun and it feels great to have set and achieved a goal. :)
I already registered for my next one next year.
https://www.wingsforlifeworldrun.com/en
Breakups suck. I feel hollow.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Since I lost things I had in my life that made me happy, my brain now can't accept I can be happy again and just goes into "this won't last" mode whenever I am feeling happy about something in my life. How does one break this loop?
I am back... I think? How is everyone?
Not feeling my best right now. Sad and anxious.
My afternoon at work was one giant meeting-golem made of smaller meetings, from 4pm to 7pm.
Well, hello World.