I need something better.
I want to be the guy that made it by doing what he loves. IT is burning me out. I don’t want to stare at a computer all day long. But nothing else pays so well right now. And with my family it is hard to ‘jump into’ something else.
I want to get rid of so many habits. They keep crawling back to me. Is the ‘perfect life’ just a perfect lie? I don’t know, yet.
I hope i find some peace.
My response to this, ironically, was books.
I bought a lot of physical books to read when I get a new job. Life inside the screen is too much for our eyes and mind and we ignore it in the name of profit and capitalism.
If you can, I suggest buy some books, or even an ebook reader if that's not too much money for you, and try to disconnect as frequently as possible.
To be honest, I didn't see results of this yet, but its my bet to stay sane.
Also, maybe some therapy could help you out with this feelings?
i'm still in college and i'm already struggling with this - in fact i have been for years. i don't want to just become a staff software engineer for the rest of my life, building out some platform for a massive company who is ruining all of us and everything around us. i want to do something good (or at least in utilitarian terms, something neutral) and be at peace. i feel an immense pressure constantly to continue down this path but also an equal and opposite reaction to it, the realization that this isn't what i want to do with the rest of my life. i don't feel like i'm in the right place, but i don't have any way to get there.
above all, i'm with you.
Peace is proportional to the inverse of the amount of thoughts pertaining to self.
gemini://textmonger.pollux.casa/