Howdy ~kai,
I cannot add anything useful for your situation, I'm afraid.
But I would like to point out, that this thread has been one of the most surprising for me. There is ~kai with a peculiar situation in their life, and out of the blue there are several, who know the pain and are in the mood to answer. Fantastic! Thank you all!
It's amazing tbh. I made this as sort of a vent but the answers have been really heartwarming. Thank You all!