You and I share some of the same past, high-level history.
My reaction to what you went through was to give up what I wanted (so desperately) altogether.
I told no one in particular that I was finished with looking. For anything.
I stuck to my word.
I made a lot of choices, did a lot of things, had a lot of experiences, but I didn’t go looking for any of it.
The trick is to dream about your destination while forgetting how to get there.