Arch has struck a balance for me. I like how light the iso is and the constant updates and software availability means I can get my hands on most software I want. The community aspect was also a big part of my decision to keep using it.
XMPP is quite good and I would recommend giving it a shot.
Right now I keep whatsapp and instagram to chat with most of the normal crowd.
Signal for my frequent contacts, close friends and some family, matrix and xmpp for my fellow linux friends and irc for the novelty.
Haven't tried p2p messengers a whole lot but the ones I did just didn't fit my usecase.