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                        ***** Presents *****

                       Phun With TV Evangelists

                Written by:     The KneeKap
                Co-Written by:  Calfyow

             Lick-Me Enterprises (c) 1991       Written: 4/30/91

        Ever watch one of those Christian channels like channel 38 in
        the Chicago land area? They're often quite amusing and the
        possibilities for phucking with them are endless. For instance..
        Some day when you are really bored and have nothing to do try
        this:

        Half the time one of these Christian channels are going to be
        running one of their telethons to "keep the faith alive".
        Personally, I think it's a bunch of bull and the executives
        there are trying to make some money by exploiting the faith of
        the incompetent viewer. So if you are bored call up the number
        they flash in your face and pledge something in the area of
        1,000+. This always gets the singers and the telephone operators
        and the dork preaching really horny. For instance, try something
        like this conversation below..

        Operator:  Hello! Bless you for calling the channel 38 telethon.
                   How may I help you in you today?

        Caller:  Praise the lord! I watch your station every time I get
                 a chance to. My children just love your after school
                 progamming. I happen to be very financially secure and
                 I have been smiled upon by God and I feel I must donate
                 a large amount to keep the faith alive. I want to
                 donate $1000 a month for the next 20 months.


        (and now the operator now trying to be modest says...)

        Operator:  Praise you! You are truly blessed! You want to donate
        $25 a month for the next two months??

        Caller:  No! I want to donate $1000 a month for the next 20
        months.

        (now the operator gets horny...)

        Operator:  Oh... OH! $1000 a month! OK.. So that's $1000 a month
        for the next 20 months... (long pause)... THAT'S $20,000!

        Caller:  Yeah

        Operator:  Praise the Lord! (and a bunch of bullshit like
        that).. Now, may I take your name?

        Caller:  Yes, my name is Henry Bullshit.

        Operator:  And what is your address?

        Caller:  666 Bullshit Ln., Highland Park

        Operator:  And what is your zip code?

        Caller:  60508

        Operator:  And what is your phone number? Area code first
        please.

        Caller:  (708) 433-3961

        (and I suggest calling and asking for Dr. Bernard Schneider...
        that's the poor shmuck we used as a victim...)

        And then a lot of religious bullshit (we use that word a lot don't
        we?) ensued and finally we got off the phone. And if you happen
        to be lucky they'll be broadcasting live and everyone on the set
        will be horny with joy.

        A few pointers.. Before you do this get out a phone book and
        pick a name (victim) that you will use to talk to the operator..
        Write it down and get it so you sound natural.. This way they'll
        buy it and then you can have a laugh knowing you have sone
        another pathetic phone crank.