Mail-From: ARPANET host PARC-MAXC received by CMU-10A at 4-Oct-82 15:02:30-EDT Date: 4 Oct. 1982 11:54 am PDT (Monday) From: Horning.pa Subject: LAIDBACK [Excerpts from a paper (journal unknown) by John Unger Zussman, forwarded to me by Bill McKeeman.] BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL . . . these programming languages are well known and (more or less) well loved throughout the computer industry. There are numerous other languages, however, that are less well known yet still have ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages generally have the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to know more about these obsure languages--and why they are obscure--I present the following catalog. * SIMPLE--SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Linguistic Environment. This language developed at the Hanover College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN, END and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus, they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging. *SLOBOL--SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the coffee. . . . *LAIDBACK-- Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness and Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley. The center was ideal for programmers who like to soak in hot tubs while they worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier. Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle and nonthreatening language. For example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with the message, SORRY MAN, I CAN'T DEAL BEHIND THAT. *SARTRE--Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just are. Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are no fun at parties. *C- --This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is best described as a "low level" programming language. In fact, the language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL. *LITHP--This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of an "S" in its character set. Programmers and users must substitute "TH." LITHP is said to be useful in protheththing lithtth. *DOGO--Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training, DOGO heralds a new era of computer-literate pets. DOGO commands include SIT, STAY, HEEL and ROLL OVER. An innovative feature of DOGO is "puppy graphics," a small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves a deposit as he travels across the screen.