Title:  A thiefs rights
Author: Equinox
Date:6-3-94


     Being your average, mischenous teenager, I've done my share
of stealing, and in turn, I've had my share of success, and of
mishaps, but I have never been prosecuted, sure, the quickie mart
guy, or the CompUsa Guy might have had me by the collar, and
dragged me into that supposedly hidden office that actually
sticks out like a green thumb, I've gotten the smack on the head,
and stern look, and of course, the constant yelling and
bickering, followed by the phone call to the cops.  But if all
this is handled with a certain finess, no harm should come to
either party, or you might end up making that managers life a
living hell.  Heres how...

     To er is human, correct?  Well in government hands, to er is
freedom.  Yes, my fine blooded American, this wonderful land of
the free, where the law is blind, the country where streets are
paved with gold, has a law system so fucked up, you'll proboly
get more time for spitting on a Taco Bell than you would for
killing someone.  Anyways, you lets go through the average
planned theft.

     You walk into the quickie mart, you see that box of cigs
you've been craving lying there to the side of the counter. 
Trying with all your might to be as composed as possible, you
glide your shaking, sweaty palms over the cold counter top,
gropeing for the slick plastic covering of those Marlboros, while
trying to look calmly over at the magazine section accross the
room.  Suddenly you feel a tight grip on your right shoulder, 
and the ear piercing sound of "Hey, what the hell are you
doin'?!?!," you turn your head, praying that somehow that this
was just some kind of dream, but alas, there lies the counterman
with a firm grip on your shoulder, blocking any chance of you
escaping.  You try to speak in a normal, blas� manner, but of
course, your fear gets the better of you and you turn out a high
pitched, scrachy "What... What'd I do?"  suddenly your dragged to
the back of the store, and are subjected to a constant array of
vocal blugeons.

     If this sounds typical of you, and is what you would expect
if such an event were to occur, then you're pretty much like
everyone else, you think that just because you did a bad thing,
they can rough house you, and push you around.

     Constant yelling (and remember, Constant can be a SUBJECTIVE
term.) can be classified as verbal abuse, a smack on the shoulder
(no matter how hard) can be turned into physical abuse, possibly
battery, especially if you don't mind getting a friend to punch
you in the arm to get that nice little black-and-blue effect.  If
the sales person has caught you while inside the store, you
really havn't done anything wrong, and that can be proved in
court, the only way to be actually guilty of theft is if the
merchandise is found on you outside of the store.  I do warn you
though, keep calm, don't start yelling this stuff out in the
middle of the store, the most deadly bullet is the silent one, if
you know what I mean.  State your case if you are brought on
trial, or to a policeman, but never to someone who is just trying
to get something out of you.  

     Well good luck.  Theft can be a very profitable business,
espesially if you know what your doing.


"Love, hugs, and machine guns."
Equinox [HCH] `94