T E X T F I L E S

Humor Files: Computer

Herein are the Humor files least likely to be 'gotten' in terms of humor. The subjects

are obscure computer languages, puns based on coding techniques, and references to

marketing and software engineering long since buried under the sands of time. These are

also most likely some of the oldest textfiles on this site, with many dating to the

70's and early 80's, and maybe the occasional 60's document retyped and uploaded as

networks became more prominent.

If you don't laugh, it's not you. if you do laugh, it is. Geek.

BOFH

The Bastard Operator From Hell Series

1-liners.txt

Collection of Computer-Based and other One-Liners

1984.c

Obfuscated C Code Winners for 1983 and 1984

1st.bug

The Origin of the "Computer Bug", back in 1945

2genesis.txt

Genesis Verison 2.0

300bps.txt

101 Things to Do with a 300 Baud Modem

386code.txt

Undocumented 8088/8086/80286/80386 Instruction Set

60_minut.arp

Weird 60 Minutes Parody

HackTest.512

The Hacker Test, Version 1.0, 06/16/1989

_vax.bugs

VAXOLOGY: A Poem about Vaxes

accgag.txt

How to See the Secret Gag File and Credits for MS Access from Winpoint BBS

acronyms.hum

Some improved computer acronyms

acronyms.txt

Acronyms of Computers Explained

actual_c.res

Some REALLY WEIRD Compiler Responses

actung.hum

Fake German Warning about das blinkenlights

addict.dat

Quiz to Tell if you're a Modem Addict

ahole-03.txt

What Assholes Do, by The Master of Reality and Zandar Zen of Neon Knights

ai.koans

Koans about Artifical Intelligence

al.koa

Artifical Intelligence Koans

alice.jok

Alice in DIGITALland (Parody)

alice.txt

Alice in UNIX Land

alices_n.ser

Alice's NNTP Server (To the Tune of "Alice's Restaurant")

alices_p.dp1

Alice's PDP-10 (To the tune of "Alice's Restaurant")

alices_r.str

MIT's AI Lab (To the Tune of "Alice's Restaurant")

aliceunix.txt

Alice in UNIX Land

alicunix.fic

Alice in UNIX-Land (Parody)

alternat.osi

Alternatives to OSI by Jock C. St. Martin

amigause.txt

101 Things to Do with a Dead Amiga

anthem.hac

The Hacker's Anthem by Cheshire Catalyst (Tap #87)

anthropo.stu

The Pedagological Tribal System of Primitive Cultures of the Scientific Research Community by Sara Duncan

antimodm.txt

The Anti-Modem Weapon, by the Enemy Within

aol.txt

Diary of an AOL User (Humor)

ap.calcul

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Calculus, But Were Afraid to Pass

apg.hum

The Story of the Apple Pirate's Guild

appconspir.txt

A Conspiracy Theory about Poor Apple Products Around Windows 95 (December 18, 1995)

applefridge.txt

The Apple Trumps the Fridge

applemaf.hum

The Apple Mafia Story

appleuk.txt

Special Edition Apple Internal Product News (AIPN) (1995)

aprfool.net

Why the USENET April Fool's Contest was Called Off

aptel89.txt

Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '89

aptel90.txt

Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '90

are_you_.ner

Are you an Internet Nerd?

art-erot.asc

AE: Artificial Eroticism

art.stu

Artificial Stupidity: A New Breakthrough, by Michael Ferris

artifici.hum

Artificial Stupidity

ask.not

Sanity in Automating Keyword Abstracting, or how NOT to Title your Papers

asshole3.txt

What Assholes Do 3: AE Assholes, by The Neon Knights

assholes

What Assholes Do II by The Metallian of Metal Communications

assholes.ii

What Assholes Do II by The Blade and The Metallian of The Neon Knights

assholes.iii

What Assholes Do III by Master of Reality and Zandar Zan of Neon Knights

assholes.txt

What Makes People Assholes

asshols2.txt

What Assholes Do 2: By The Blade and The Metallian of Neon Knights

auto.weapns

When you get two CMU CS Students together, the topics drift to Automatic Weapons

b00t.it

Parody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It": B00T It, by Anonymous

babbage.hum

BABBAGE - The Programming Language of the Future

babbage.txt

BABBAGE: The Computer Language of the Future!

babe.txt

Tal performs a perfect e-mail body slam

badcomps.hum

Creative Computing Slams all the Computers

badcomps.txt

"The World's Worst Computers", From CREATIVE COMPUTING, Sept 85

balls.txt

Mouse Balls are Available as a Field Replacement Unit

bardbyte.hum

Shakespeare never had a computer!

basiczen.txt

BASICA ZEN, or "Real Men Program in C", by John Richard De Palma

bbs30.asc

The 30 Commandments of BBSing

bbshackers.txt

The History of the BBS User: A Musical Drama in Five Parts

bbslist.hum

Some typical BBS names, circa 1985

beer_os.txt

The Beers of the Software World (Operating Systems Portrayed as Beers)

bell.died

The Day Bell System Died, a Parody by Lauren Weinstein

belle.seized

The US Impounds a Chess Computer, 1982

bible.c

The C Programming Language, redone as a Biblical Passage

blinken.txt

Definition of DAS BLINKENLIGHTS

bluedoor.hum

Angry anti-IBM sentiment conversation

bofb.1

The Bastard Operator From Britain

bofh.1

Bastard Operator From Hell #1

bofh.10

Bastard Operator From Hell #10

bofh.11

Bastard Operator From hell Lives! #11

bofh.12

Bastard Operator From Hell #12

bofh.13

Bastard Operator From Hell #13

bofh.2

Bastard Operator From Hell #2

bofh.3

Bastard Operator From Hell #3

bofh.4

Bastard Operator from Hell #4

bofh.5

Bastard Operator From Hell #5

bofh.6

Bastard Operator From Hell #6

bofh.las

The Last Bastard Operator From Hell!

bootit.hum

Sexual meanings of computer messages, and "Beat It" Parody

borghack.jok

Star Trek: The Next Generation.. Data Becomes a Hacker

borgstew.jok

Recipe for an Enterprise Stew

br_ode.txt

An Ode to the BR, by the Great Rabbi Bajzheet

bsmfh01.txt

The Bastard System Manager from Hell #1

bsmfh02.txt

The Bastard System Manager from Hell #2

bsubs.hum

"Simulation" of calling BuSUBS.

bugfix.txt

A Few of the Lesser Known Programming Quotes

bugs.jok

Bugs: How to Remove them from All Programs

bungl.set

Overextended Mnemonics

buzzword.txt

Some False Data Processing Definitions

c.jok

An Ode to C

c64.txt

The Commodore 64 User: A Text File, by Frank LaRosa of the Searchlight BBS

c64hater.hum

The Complete Commie Hater's Handbook, by The Cracksman

c64story.txt

Anti-C64 User Story, with Self-Serving Disclaimer from BBS Sysop as bonus!

c64user.txt

Anatomy of a C64 user - a SysOp's guide to Commodore users, by Electrik Kool Aid, April 1990

c_minus.min

The Great new C-- Package! Void Oriented Programming

caa-pt1.hum

The First Part of Steve Roberts' Incredible Computer Commute

cacm.byte

BYTE TO Merge with Communications of the ACM

calloftheday.txt

The Apple Support Call of the Day

catcha.lion

A contribution to the mathematical theory of big game hunting

cdvsvan.pro

Which Wins: The Information Superhighway or a Minivan?

cform1.txt

Generic USENET Posting Reply Form

cform3.txt

Standard Bonehead Reply Form (Short)

chain.again

Extremely Old Chain Letter, Included for Historical Headers

chaper.one

The MIT Robot Chaperone (Version 1.00B)

chatrbbs.hum

Chat Between The Slipped Disk and a Pissed RBBS Sysop

chern.vax

The USSR on Usenet

cis.hum

The Joys of Compusex!

client_s.sex

How Client Server Computing is like Teenage Sex

cmu.test

The Unisexual, Omnisexual Purity Test, Version 3.5a 1985

cobol.txt

Literary Criticism meets COBOL

codegeek.txt

Robert Hayden's Code of the Geeks v1.0.1

coffee.mkr

Man Page for a Coffee Maker

cold.bymail

Netmail Spreads Common Cold, 30 November 1983

command.txt

The 30 Commandments of BBSing

commands.hum

Some additional assembly language commands

commsens.hum

Some common sense to use when logging onto BBSs.

comp.jok

Microcomputer Mania.. A New Mental Disorder?

compaq_a.txt

Compaq Wishes To Apologize For This Advertisemen

comparo.txt

Parody of "My Favorite Things" by J. Benson & J. Doll

compatbl.hum

A problem in the making for the HAL 9000

compdic.txt

Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary (1987)

compdict.txt

Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary, by Bruce Tonkin, Computerpeople Monthly, Dec. 1987

compgran.hum

Don't Take Computers for Granted!

complang.txt

Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy by Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth

complexi.hum

The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon

complove.jok

Hacker Wants to Marry His Computer, from The Sun, (January 17, 1989)

compsci.jok

Parody of UNC Computer Course Listings, 1990

compstor.txt

Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer

compusex.jok

The Adventures of Mini and Micro

computer

The List of "Real Computers"

computer.say

Collection of Computing One-Liners

computer.txt

The Book of Genesis from a Computer Perspective

computer.uni

In the Beginning, God Created the Bit

computersongs-1.4

Computer Songs and Poems, Version 1.4 06, August 1994

consult.txt

The Confessions of an Unpaid Consultant, by Stephen Manes (July 1996)

coollngo.txt

The Rules of Cyberpunk and the Slang of Cyberpunk

copyrite.c64

Extremely Huge Commodore Disclaimer

cow.art

The Complete Guide to Cows, Summer 1990, Part 1

cow.gui

The Complete Guide to Cows, November 1989

cpuns.c

C Program Loaded with Puns

crackers.hum

Watch Out For Them Crackers!

cray.txt

Making Conversions between Crays and Commodore 64s (July 28, 1990)

cray7.jok

Cray's Incredible New Solar System-Powered Computer

creation.jcl

A JCL Program for the Creation

creation.txt

A Number of Computer-Related Creation Myths

creators.hoa

From Computerworld 1 April: Creators Admit C, UNIX Hoax

cuisine.int

The Timeline for Microsoft Food For Windows

customer.sup

Support is Hell: The Torture Never Stops

d00d.txt

The SysOp's Guide to D00Dspeak

dategineer.txt

The Top Ten Reasons to Date and Not to Date an Engineer

ddt.histry

The History of the term DDT for a Dec Debugger

dead1.hum

The History of the BBS User (A Musical Drama in 5 Parts)

dead2.hum

The History of the BBS User Part II

dead3.hum

The History of the BBS User Part III

dearemil.pos

Dear Emily Postnews

dec.mail

Why the RX-02 Floppies Absolutely Suck

dec.wars

DEC WARS: The Definitive Collection

decwars.jok

DEC WARS!

decwars.txt

The Saga of DEC Wars

define.txt

Computer Term List, Stolen from a Vax by King Herman

desktop.txt

Desktop Publish and Be Damned!

dfc

Microsoft Corp. Announces Latest Acquisition (Olympia, WA)

disclaim.jok

The contents of stddisclaimer.h, the Internet's Standard Disclaimer

diseases

The First Book of Computer Phobias, Disorders, and Diseases, by The Warriors

diseases.txt

The First Book of Computer Phobias, Disorders, and Diseases, by The Warriors

diskdriv.txt

Ways to get Rid of problems with Disc Drives, by Jason Harlow

diskrigg.txt

The Disk Rigger Rodent Story, by The Sector Vector

dljunkie.txt

Confessions of a Download Junkie

doa6.txt

MACROS: A Way of Life, or, Altering the English Language For Fun and Profit

document.dat

Documenting Useless Programs, by Scoop

doodz

The SysOp's Guide to D00Dspeak

dos_faq.fun

What the comp.os.ms-dos wizards FAQ might look like if there were a comp.os.ms-dos.wizards

dpdef.txt

Alternate Data Processing Definitions

dr.seuss

A Grandchild's Guide to Using Grandfather's Computer

dream.jok

The Man Page for the DREAM Program

dream.man

The Man Page for Dreaming

dreamman.jok

A Man Page for Dreaming

duran.txt

"The Password" to the tune of "The Reflex" by the Slipped Disk

elim2k

Ad for the Eliminator 2000 (Destroys annoying BBS Users)

elite.cmd

The Commandments of Eliteness

emoticon.txt

Collection of common acronyms and emoticons on Compuserve

engineer.son

The Engineers' Drinking Song (Lady Godiva)

engineercar.txt

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager in a Car (Joke)

errno.2

A Contest from USENIX for the Most Humorous UNIX Error Codes

errors.funny

The Canonical List of Error Messages that Are Funny

ethics.txt

Ethics for BBS Users: Some Points of Etiquitte

eunuchs.jok

EUNUCH Programmer's Manual by Jonathan E. Brickman

evan.dream

Evan Had a Dream

everleec.hum

The Ever Present Leeches

exam

Qualifying Examination for Co-Sysop Access

excuses.txt

The Programmers and Sysops Excuse File by The Nomad

faces.jok

Large Collection of Smiley Faces

faces2.jok

Various Emoticons

famous.bug

Famous Bugs List, Courtesy of Dave Curry

faxhumor.txt

The Guide to Safe Faxing

fever.hum

The Tragedy of Online Addiction, by Steve King

fidohist.hum

FidoNet History and Operation 8 Feb 85

fifth.hum

Laidback with (a) Fifth, By John Unger Zussman

figure.one

VMS Operations Manual. See Figure One

figure_1.txt

AT&T Customer Service Manual. See Figure One.

five.lws

The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific #5: Bad Days Befall The People's Republic of Engineering, by M. Peshota

flame.hum

Come Join the Famous Flamer's School

flame.txt

The Flamers' Bible

flame_sc.hoo

Ever Dreamed of Flaming with the Big Boys? Come to the Flamer's School!

flamform.txt

The Flame Posting Form

flattire.jok

The Flat Tire Joke

fluke-cm.sng

The Deteriorata Reprogrammed to be Computer Centric

foot.1

How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using:

foot.2

Further Tests to See Which Programming Language You're Using

for-everything

TRN TRN TRN (For Everything...) Parody

fpgmmers.hum

Join the Famous Programmer's School

free.wheel

net.bicycle.freewheel.cleaning: a reprise, by Brian Reid

funny.jok

Large Collection of Computer-Related Jokery

gamedec.jok

How DEC Works (Australian Perspective)

gameplay

What Real Gamers Do and Don't Do by Fritz Mertens (March 15, 1985)

gatesprodigy.txt

What Does Bill Gates' Daughter and Prodigy Have in Common?

geb.review

Review of Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas R. Hofstadter

geek.txt

"A Letter From a Confirmed Geek", by Jolly Roger of Neon Knights/Metal Communications

geekcode.txt

The Code of the Geeks v3.12 by Robert A. Hayden (March 5, 1996)

geekguide.txt

A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys

geeknerd.hum

Geeks and Nerds, by The Data Blitz

geeknerd.txt

Geeks and Nerds: An Informative File by the Data Blitz 11/20/84

geeks

Guide to BBS Geeks

genasys.txt

Gen A Sys: The Book of Genesis Retold with Computers

genesis.doc

The New Creations from Genesis Corporation

genesis.hum

The Story of Creation, or the Myth of Urk

genesis.jok

In the Beginning, God Created the Bit

genesis.txt

Genesis Release 2.5

genesys.hum

Genesis Release 2.5

getdrunkcheap.txt

Parody of MAKE.MONEY.FAST: GET.DRUNK.CHEAP, by Jon E. King

globbing

Why Kernels Are Subjected to Bloat

glossary.jok

An Alternate Version of the Software Universe

glossary.txt

Getting to Know Your Computer: A Short Glossary of Computer Terms

gmhelpline.txt

The General Motors Technical Support Line

gnsb3-cl.txt

The Great Net Prayerbook

gnsb3-mu.txt

The Great Net Spellbook

gnu.gnu

Press Release for GNU GNURM, the Improved Internet Worm!

gnu.sub

The GNU Submarine Sandwich

goldi.flisp

The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears translated to Fortran

goodc.hum

2nd Annual Obfuscated Contest Winners

gospel.hak

The Gospel According to St. Hacker

gradstud.tim

A Grad-Student Emotion Checklist

gryara01.txt

Gray Areas Magazine, by Nutta Gilbooa (Parody) Issue #1 (January, 1995)

gsl.announ

Reports of the Graduate Student Lunch's Demise have been Greatly Exaggerated

gtdocs.hum

GADGET-TERM 1.0 S0PHTD0CZ!

gubs.txt

Collection of Emoticons and Acronyms for use on Fido BBSs.

guide12.txt

The Twelve Year Old's Guide to Computing

gw~to.net~10

Gateway to Net Ten (Parody) by Mark Lotter

hack.poem

The HACTRN

hack_pom.txt

Casey at the Byte (Parody)

hacker.dressing

How a Hacker Chooses His Clothing (ASCII Diagram)

hacker.song

The Hacker's Song (Parody)

hacker.tes

The Hacker Test, by Felix Lee, John Hayes and Angela Thomas (June 16, 1989)

hacker.tst

The Hacker Test, Version 1.0 (June 16, 1989)

hackerbarbie.txt

The Hacker Barbie is Introduced

hackers.hum

Hackers: What Pussies! By Mr. Curious

hackers.jok

The MIT Jargon File by Guy L. Steele Jr., Raphael Finkel, Donald Woods, Geoff Goodfellow and Mark Crispin (November 14, 1982)

hacksong.txt

I'm a Hacker and I'm OK (Monty Pythod Parody) by Dave Touretzky and Don Libes

hacktest

The Hacker Test Version 1.0 (June 16, 1989)

hacktest.txt

The Hacker Test, Version 1.0, 1989

hakawath.jok

The Song of Hakawatha, by F.X. Reid

hal.txt

HAL, we Have a Problem: You're not IBM Compatible

hal_word.ibm

Is HAL a clever reworking of IBM? This author thinks so.

handle.txt

How to Choose and Alias, written by The Sheister/UMass Bandit

har9408.txt

HAM: Humor Accidentally Read (Parody of Random Access Humor) August, 1994

hasidunx.txt

The Chasidic UNIX Chart by Eric Raymond, Arlie Stephens, David Oster

hexappea

Software Goes Hardware by Unknown

highway.txt

If Superhighways Were Like the Internet

hitch.hikers

The Hitchiker's Guide to the Net, 1982

hitchout.hum

Jason's Logout for the Milliways BBS

horror.story

Large Collection of Hacking Horror Stories

how_to_g.bed

How to Get a Hacker to Bed; Phrases to Turn Him/Her On

how_to_p.c

How to program and Debug in C: The Quick list

hp-fonts.jok

The Complete Hewlitt Packard Font Catalog, Which is Odd

hp-fonts.txt

A Particularly funny Hewlitt Packard Font Catalog (!)

hum1.txt

Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Lines, and No Question Seems to be Too Basic (March 1st, 1994)

ibm&god.txt

IBM Gets its First Contract, with God

ibm.son

The IBM Songbook

ibm.update

New Updates and Fixes to IBM/VU

ibm3090.txt

Why I like the IBM 3090 (Or Maybe Not)

ibm360.jok

HCF instruction: from Principles of Operation (Halt and Catch Fire)

ibmhumor.hum

Addendum to System/370 Assembler

ibmos.txt

IBM Offers the new Virtual Universe Operating System (January 30, 1979)

ibmrules.hac

There are Rules for Driving a Computer, Too

ibmrules.txt

There are Rules for Driving a Computer, Too

ibmsong2.txt

The IBM Songbook: March on with IBM

ibmvuo.hum

NEW OPERATING SYSTEM FOR IBM MAINFRAMES: Virtual Universe

ideassof.hum

Really Useful Software Ideas

idr.txt

The Industrial Dude Ranch

ieee.defs

Small Collection of Reviewed Engineering Definitions from the IEEE

ien137.txt

On Holy Wars and a Plea for Peace

inbetwee.hum

What Happened in Between, by Rueben Flagg

infinity.jok

The Infinity Properties

infinity.txt

The Mathematic Formulas for Infinity

info.expngr

A Dream Turns to a Nightmare for the National Inquisitor

infohighway.txt

Top Ten Anagrams for "Information Superhighway"

infohum.hum

Some Infocom Humor

insane4.txt

Lamer Pirate Magazines, Etc. by The Grim Reaper (February 3, 1992)

inter.face

On the Human to Machine Interface

intercal.jok

The Intercal Manual, from Don Woods and James Lyon

intohell.hum

Hacking Into Hell -- The True Story of Harry Poindexter

intro.hum

An extremely funny login screen to the Utopia BBS

is.modem.entity

Is There a Modem Entity by Shadow Stories, Inc.

isp.txt

Top 10 Signs You Picked The Wrong Internet Service Provider

jargon-r

The MIT/Stanford AI Jargon File (April 1, 1992 Version)

jargon.68

Ancient Version of the Jargon File

jargon.doc

Jargon File Verison 2.9.9 (April 1, 1992)

jargon.phd

GLossary for Research Papers

jargon.tex

Jargon File from November 14, 1982

jargon.txt

The Glossary of Jargon, by Guy L. Steele, Jr., et al

jleet0.txt

A Day in the Life of Johnny Leet0: The Story of an Elite Kiddie by RogersFX

job.msg

TOMORROW HAS BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO JOBCONTROL ERRORS (December 1, 1988)

joe.lisp

The Adventures of Joe Lisp, T Man

k-k00ld.hum

The History of the K-K00l DUDE, by The Edge

k.k00l.doods

The History of Real K-K00l Dudes by The Edge

k00l.txt

The History of Real K-K00L D00DS by The Edge

kbprayer.txt

The Keyboard Prayer

ken_olson

A Nice Juicy Ken Olsen Quote about how UNIX Is Doomed

kidia

The Twit Filter: The Know-It/Done-It-All by Dave Bealer

kightlin.hum

Chat Logs with the Maniac Jack of the now-defunct Kightline

killbunn.hum

How to kill the Easter Bunny DEAD! by The Outland

kooldoo3.txt

K-K00L D00Ds Part III, by Radioactive Snail

kubla.kahn

HACKADU, Parody of Xanadu

kubla_k.ahn

In Hackadu did Hackers Few an Awesome program-hack command....

l&dgeek.hum

The Life and Death of a Modem Geek, by Dr. Atomic

l.t.modem.geek

The Life and Times of a Modem Geek by A Modem User of Anarchy, Inc.

label.hum

Clothes Labels Decoded, by Bruce Goldman

lamehelp.txt

Helpful in Finding the Lamers: A Guide

lamer-6.txt

Lamer! By Professor Fuze (January 31, 1995)

languag.jok

Al Stevens Explains all Computer Languages

language.txt

Computer Programming Languages to Look Out For

lateonen.txt

Late One Night, they Screw Up a Computer System

lauren.digest

A Digest of Messages from Lauren Weinstein, an infinitely Amusing Person

laws_of_.pro

Troutman's Laws of Computer Programming

lawsuits.jok

Microsoft has a Patent on Look-And-Feel Lawsuits

lblbjoke.txt

The DEC Light Bulb Joke

leary.hum

An Interview with Timothy Leary

lechhate.txt

What Leeches Hate about AE SysOps, by Crackmaster

leech.txt

Definition and Overview of The Leech by Mutant Offspring

leech2.hum

Leeches, by The Grim Reaper

leeches

The True Leech Hazard by The Rocker

leeches!.hum

The Society of Leeches, by Mister I/O

leechesd.txt

The Leech Dictionary by the Blue Buccaneer

leechin.hum

The Leech at Work, by The Rocker

leechpay.fun

Ode warning of leeching

lesser.prg

The Lesser Known Programming Languages

lifecycl.jok

The Software Life Cycle, as told Biblically

lingo2.txt

Computer Company Acronyms

lisalegacy.txt

The Legacy of the Apple Lisa, by David T. Craig (February 16, 1993)

lisp.ad

Actual Ad for LISP Programmers from the Boston Globe

lisp.ad.story

The Story of the Lisp.Ad File, by Kalman Reti (May, 2005)

litebulb.ai

How Many Artifical Intelligence People does it take to Change a Light-Bulb?

loser

The List of Real Losers by Chaotic Computers (1985)

lozerzon

The Lozer Zone by The Circle Spellbook (1985)

lozerzon.000

Tale from the Loser Zone by The Circle Spellbook, Inc (1985)

lozerzon.txt

The Loser Zone, by The Circle Spellbook

lsd.man

The Man Page for LSD

ludeinfo.txt

The Basics of Luding by Sinbad Sailor

luke.vax

The Further Adventures of Luke Vaxhacker

machine.bls

Blessings on this Fine Machine by Zhahai Stewart

macsmack.hum

Someone gripes about that new-fangled Macintosh

macterr.hum

Comparing a Macintosh and a Cairn Terrier

magweed1.txt

Dr. Arcane's Guide to Maggot Weeding, Volume 1.0

manifest.pc

The PC Manifesto, Featuring a PC Primer and Revised PC Edition

manpage.sh

Collection of Funny Man Pages That Someone Collected (In Shell Format)

markv.hum

The Mark V Security System is ACTIVE!

master.pro

The Parable of the Master Programmer

math.jok

Physicists vs. Mathematicians

math.record

Some Different Mathematical Records

math_dis.sex

Math Disproved Via Sex

mathfarm.txt

The Progression of Farm Math Problems over the Years

mathglos.txt

Mathematics Glossary: Deciphering what Math Teachers Say

mathimp.txt

Impure Mathematics: The Story of Polly Nomial

maths.txt

Simplified Mathematics, from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol. 35, No. 1

mathtest.jok

The Mathematics Purity Test

mcdonnel.reg

The McDonnell Douglass Warranty Card

mdmgeek.txt

The Life of a Modem Geek

measure.jok

A Student Creates Tons of Cool Ways to Measure a Building with a Barometer

mel.txt

Let Me Tell You The Way It Used To Be: PURE HEX PROGRAMMING

melvin.hum

Computer Melvins, by The Watcher

micro.sto

Micro (Offensive to computers and computer-wanna-bes) by Optimist Prime

microgod.txt

Microsoft Bigs to Acquire Catholic Church

midas.jokes

Richard Stallman's "Guess What This Does"

milli.amp

The Adventures of Micro-Farad and Milli-Amp

misc_com.jok

Miscellanous Computer Jokes

misuse.notes

No More `Star Trek' on CPU, by Jake Kirchner, CW Washington Bureau, Washington D.C.

mitsai.jargon

Some MIT Artificial Intelligence Definitions

modem.pai

List of the Modem Pail Kids

modem_us.txt

The Modem Pail Kids

modemgee

How to Tell if YOU are a Modem Geek! By The $heik (January 27, 1985)

modemgod.hum

Is there a Modem Entity?

modempai.txt

Modem Pail Kids: The Collection

modemuse.hum

Field Guide to Modem Users

molly1.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem

molly2.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem #2

molly3.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem: #3

molly4.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem: #4

molly5.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem #5

molly6.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem #6

molly7.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem #7

molly8.txt

The Adventures of Molly Modem #8

money.spoof

Parody of Make Money Fast!

moon's.ghost

The Ghost of Dave Moon

mr.prtocl

Ask Mr. Protocol!

mudtest.jok

The Mudder's Test (Version 1.0)

mumps.messag

A partial trace of a few cycles of MUMPS [Mutually Uncooperative Multi-Processing System] execution

munchkin.txt

Some New Definitions for Munchkins in the BBS Scene

murphy

Murphy's Laws of Computers

murphy.txt

The Laws of Computing

mydick.txt

The Problems with a Computer Called MYDICK

nasa.jargon

Glossary of NASA Terminology

neander.txt

Ask Dr. Stupid: Am I a Neanderthal

nerd1.txt

How you know you are a true blue Nerd, by Bug Byter

nerd2.txt

How to Meet and Marry the Nerd of Your Choice, by Geneva March

nerd_te.st2

The Nerdity Test, Squid Version

nerd_test2

The Nerdity Test, Squid Version, September 1990

nerds.hum

What Makes a Nurd Most, by Mad Max

net.header

The Net Message Header from Hell

net.rum

Computer-Related Horror Stories

netguide.txt

Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net

netnews.10

Top Ten Problems with Netnews

new.langs

Some New Computer Languages

new.yorker

Some Bizzzare Articles from the New Yorker

newibm.hum

All the New Instructions for IBM's New Chip

newlang.txt

Computer Languages from the Enforcer and Friends

newpc.hum

A New, Very Personal, Computer

newsguru.txt

The Yellow Brick Road in Cyberspace? Story.

newusega.hum

New Users: A Guide to Parasites and Weeding them out

newuser.txt

Parasite Pamphlet #3: New Users... How to Detect and Destroy Them

night.mare

What if the World Took on the UNIX Philosophy?

nightlec.hum

The Night of the Leeching Dead, by Apple Core

nine.lws

The Adventures of Lone Worlf Scientific #9

not4

Were it Not for Computers, by Tim Casady

ns01n01.txt

NET.SCANDALL: A Weekly Compendium of Ascii (April 1994)

nuke.txt

QBX-1: Single-Board Nuclear Reactor Supplies Standby Power for 12 Years!

null_pro.lan

NULL: A Computer Language Breakthrough

obsessed.hum

Obsession with Computers? No Fooling THIS Guy!

old_book.lst

Stuff Someone is throwing out, with funny reviews

ollie1.hum

Secret Transmission from the President's BBS, circa 1987

olympics91

The USENET Olympics 1991

olympics92

The Usenet Olympics 1992

olympics92-winter

The USENET Winter Olympics 1992

opcodes.hum

Lots and Lots of Fake Machine OpCodes

opcodes.lis

David Sanderson's Large Collection of OPCodes That Should Exist

opcodes.txt

The False Opcodes List, Updated Several Times (September 9, 1985)

opcodes1.jok

Some Historical Perspective on Humorous Opcodes

opcodes2.jok

Collection of Bizzare Op-Codes

operator.opc

Dave Campbell's Collection of Humorous Opcodes

orgasm.pas

The Orgasm (A Pascal Program)

os.txt

If Operating Systems Ran Airlines

os2tags.1

OS/2 One-Liners

osxintel.txt

OS X/Intel is NOT dead!

paranoid.txt

Top 10 list of activities for paranoid computer scientists

pascjoke.txt

Ha! it Turns Out Pascal is One Big Joke!

pc-mag.hum

PC Readers Locate Stories with New Index Program

pchumor.txt

Guide to Computer Language

pcsarepc.txt

PCs are PCs (sing along to People are People by Depeche Mode)

pdp-*.list

List of DEC's PDPs, by Mark Crispin

peat.hum

The Peat Moss Event

pentcomp.jok

The Penthause PET

penthaha.txt

Collection of Pentium Error Jokes

perfpgm.hum

The Perfect Programmer: A Poem

pets.txt

Announcement of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Software

pgmrsong.jok

Of course I never wanted to be a Lumberjack; I wanted to be a PROGRAMMER!

pgp-filk.txt

A Filk Song About PGP

pgs.crazed

Saving Sylvia's Terminal

phantoma.txt

The Phantom of the operator

phideaux.hum

Poodle Sisters Software: Phydeaux-Net!

pirates.hum

The Pirate's Sniglets, by The G-Man

piratpsy.hum

Psychology of the Software Pirate, By The Beast

place.jok

Man Page for Place

place.man

Man page for Placing Systems

poorsysp.hum

A Sysop .... by The Silver Ghost

pournell.spo

Computing an Anarchy Acres by Jerry Richdudley (Parody of Jerry Pournelle) by Jon Forrest (December 21, 1988)

powrpost.net

The Usenet Guide to Power Posting

prayer.pgm

The Programmers' Prayer

prayer.txt

The Programmers' Prayer

programm.pra

The Programmer's Prayer (June 4, 1989)

programmers-blues

The Programmer's Blues (Filk)

progtec.hum

Desperate Programming Techniques

proof.omni

OMNI Magazine Proves that 2=1

psalm.ti

The Mathematician's Prayer

pure.mat

The Story of Poor Pure Percy P

pussy_ea.las

Laser Printer Sucks Up Cat

quiche.txt

Real Programmers Don't Eat Quiche

quick.jok

Quick List of Joking Definitions

quux.poem

Random Computer Poetry, ot The Great Quux

r0dent.hum

The Birth of a Rodent, by The Warlock Lord of Metal Communications

rah_syst

If System Administrators Designed Cars

real.pgmrs

Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL

realco.hum

Real Computers, by Matt Gertner

realeng.sof

Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps

realleec.hum

The Real Leech Guide Part I. Excellent Tree.

realmel.pro

Real Programmers Write in Fortran? No way!

realprog.hum

Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal!

rec.por

The last Word on the Rec.Porn.Child Debate (Parody of Rec.Humor.Funny and Brad Templeton)

record.gap

The Lurker in the Interrecord Gap

relays_1

Using Your Boots to Clear a Relay

resent.mail

Someone Being Annoyed about the "Resent" Field

resrch.phrase

Dictionary of useful Research Phrases

rfc748.txt

The Randomly Lose Telnet Option

rfk.821

The SMTP Polymorph Command

rider.txt

MacWeeny Rider (to the tune of "Uneasy Rider")

rm.man

A Manual Page for a Much More Effective RM Command

robin.hod

The Story of the Robin Hood Hackers

robot.tes

Are You About to Employ a Robot

robotte.txt

Are you About to Employ a Robot?

roia93

1993 RAH Online Industry Awards by Dave Bealer

roultman.jok

A Man Page for Russian Roulette

rr.jok

Man page for Russian Roulette

ryfm.txt

Why is RYFM Disease Widespread? (READ YOUR FRIGGIN' MANUAL!)

safe-fax.asc

The Important Rules for Safe Fax

santa-claus.sh

Story-telling in computer languages

saturday.txt

What Leeches and Other Losers Do on Saturday Nights, by The Blue Buccaneer

scientis

Real Computer Scientists Don't Write Code

scribe.suport

Someone Had a Bad Day Providing Scribe Support

scrtch.monkey

The Story of the Scratch Monkey

sears.vax

New VAX Reseller Sears Expects To Clean Up With Its Latest Offering

secrets.jok

User's Guide to Little Known Facts About Computers

select.lng

Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy

sentit.phk

The Slipped Disk rants about how cool he is. Little prick.

sesame.2

Programmers on Sesame Street

sesame.st

Horizons in Computer Science Educational Technology by Ross Williams (June 3, 1988)

sesame_s.cs

Computer Science Sesame Street

seven.lws

The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific Episode 7: The House Guest with 172 Soldering Irons by M. Peshota

sexx.jok

Computer Program for Computers to have Sex with People

signatur.jok

Collection of Signature Files

silicon.txt

The Joke of Silicon Valley, by Judith Stone

simgames.txt

Documentation for SIM-Crackhouse

slings.arrows

Structured Programmer's Soliloquy

slings_a.rro

The Structured Programmer's Soliloquy

sloppy.hum

Sloppy Floppies, or Polarid's New Cleaning Techniques

smart.basic?

All the Programs you'll Ever Need for $600

smiles.txt

Communications Breakthrough: The Smiley List, after Scott Fahlman at CMU

smiley

The Unofficial Smiley Dictionary

smiley.face

Smiley Face Catalog, from 1983

smiley.txt

Collection of Smiley Faces

smileys.2

Collection of Emoticons

smileys.jok

Additional Collection of Smiley Faces

smilie$d

Large Collection of Smileys

sniglets.txt

A Collection of Modem Signets Volume #1 by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

software

Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps

software.txt

SOFTWARES: Part IV, a New Hype (Star Wars Parody)

soulcatc.txt

About Copy Protection and Selling your Soul

spispopd.faq

The Official SPISPOPD FAQ Prerelease Version 1.0 by Seth Cohn

spispopd.txt

Why Doom has an Inside Joke to Usenet, or How I Helped Create a Cheat Key Code by Seth Cohn

sprite.txt

Walk of Sprite: Parody of Walk of Life by Dire Straits, by Melt Cober (1986)

stuck.key

The All punctuation Drinking Song

stupdsig.txt

A Collection of Stupid .signatures

sun.boot

Pros and Cons of Sun Workstations from 1987

sun_on_t.far

Why they chose Sun Workstations Down on the Farm

superuser.txt

The Arguments for a Super User from Different Departments

sweep.stakes

Typical Junkmal, OK, WEIRD Junkmail, 1983

swwars.jok

Software Wars, by Mark Crispin

swwars.txt

Software Wars, by Mark Crispin

sys286.msg

Nasty Parody of Symbiotics Documentations (Slimebiotics)

sysadmin.txt

Should I Become an Astronaut, Firefighter, or System Administrator?

syslose.hum

The Sysop's Guide to Loozers Leeches and Rodents

sysmgr.sty

The Adventures of System Restriction Underwriter Manager

sysopblu.txt

The Tough Times of Being a Sysop

sysopfun.hum

Sysop fun! By Surf Rat

sysoppt.txt

The System Operator Purity Test

system.man

Machine Room Operations

system_g.ens

Genesis Release 2.5, by Michael Coleman

taking_c.dis

Different Ways of Taking Care of Your Disks

teachers

Real Computer Teachers by The Joker, The Slipped Disk, the Datamaster and Mark Hamill

technica.har

What is Technical harassment?

techsup.txt

The Top 10 Reasons for Calling Technical Support Hotlines

tenne.c

New C Language Derivative: Tenne-C!

terms.hum

An Unabridged, Uncommon, and Unnecessary Dictionary of Computer Terminology, from King Herman

testfors.txt

Tests for System Analysts (Reworking of the famous 'Final Test')

tex.use

A portrait of the TeX novice/user/hacker.

texas.txt

The Official Grotto Primer of Elementary Texan

the.future

Zork, RAMS and the Curse of Ra: Computo, ergo sum by Curt Suplee, Smithsonian magazine, April 1983

the.last.bug

The Last Bug

the_hack.tes

THE HACKER TEST - Version 1.0

the_main.env

New Employee Orientation: The Mainframe Environment from a Training Perspective

the_net.txt

It's True! I Heard it on the Net!

thecompu.txt

The Compleat Nerd Dictionary, by The Quartz Revision 2.0, 1985

thepasca.txt

the Pascal Programmer and the C Programmer, by The Shooting Shark

thesocie.txt

The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World by Mister I/O

timeline.lan

Bizarre Computer Language Timeline

timewarp.jok

Thank Goodness of Computer Technology!

to_my_da.hus

To My Darling Husband, the Computer Addict

toilet.mil

Administrator's Note About the Water Closet

tolkien.rin

The Tolkien Ring Network

ton.jok

Humorous Computer Dictionary (1988)

tonkinsc.txt

Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary, 1987

troff.jok

Introducing a new "portable" macro package for troff-like processors (DEEP GEEK HUMOR)

tst8.txt

Tech Support Tales #8

turbo.cadr

Vrooom!, or, Turbo-CADR-19

turing.shr

The Turing Sroud: An Amazing Archaeological Discovery!

turkey.hum

Going Cold Turkey, by The Blue Buccaneer

typicaol.txt

AOL's Diary, from Anonymous

u_songs.txt

A Few MIT Drinking Songs

ultimate.spr

Excellent Response by Digital to a VMS Leap year Complaint

ultimav.hum

The Ultimate Ultima

unc90.cor

A Notice of Change in Course Schedule by Kevin Denelsbeck (September 21, 1990)

unifid.field

The Unified Field Theory

unisys.jok

The Burroughs/Sperry (now Unisys) Merger Song

universa.vax

God Logs Onto his VAX

unix-stories

Adminstration Horror Stories From the Usenet (1992)

unix.admin.horror-1.1

The Unofficial Unix Administration Horror Story Summary, version 1.1

unix.cmd

Funny UNIX Commands to Type

unix.jok

Unix Jokes

unix.ooh

Creative Writing Project: The UNIX Program Gone Bad

unix.rm

A new version of rm(1) for DOD contractors by Steve Baur (1989)

unix_laf.txt

Some Funny Things You Can Type in Unix

unixhoax.txt

Creators Admin C, UNIX is a Hoax (April 1, 1991)

unixkill.txt

Manual Entry for XKILL, which Kills Processes and the users who start them!

unixlove.jok

Rant about UNIX, and USENIX as well

unixtrek.txt

UNIX Trek

unixtrix.txt

A VERY Large Collection of UNIX Shell Tricks

unixttl1.hac

UNIX Communication Commands, Part I

unixwars.txt

The UNIX Wars Saga, Version 1.1

usenet.oly

The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: Exclusive Coverage of the Men's Flame Baiting Finals

usenet_b.fax

PLTS Announces "Netnews by Fax"

usenet_g.pos

The USENET Guide to Power Posting

ussrmodm.txt

Split Personalities on Electronic Bulletin Boards, by Rangott Splieken

utopia.hum

A Login Session with Utopia BBS

uzi&comp.txt

The Uzi vs. The Computer, by Yossie Silverman

uzivs.jok

The UZI Versus the Computer

valgol.txt

Announcing VALGOL, the Valley Girl Operating Language

valguy.hum

Silicon Valley Guy (to the Tune of Valley Girl)

vangojok.txt

The Writings of a Minor 19th Centure Post-Impressionist Programmer

vaporwre.1

Murph's VAPORWARE column for March 1990

vaporwre.2

Murph's VAPORWARE column for April 1990

vaxen.jok

The Infamous VAXEN War Story

vaxlaws.hum

The Law of the VAXes

vaxtrek.1

Vax Trek V The Movie: "The Crunchy Bits"

vi_addic.txt

Addicted to VI (Parody of Addicted to Love)

virtual.mem

I/O Deja Vu: A Farce in one act

virus.hack

Look Out for this New Virus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

virus.joke

The Michelangelo Virus Hysteria Syndome

virus.txt

A List of Humorous Viruses

vmexplan.hum

A Very Weird Explanation of Memory Paging

voyager.hum

The Voyage of the Digi-Nerds

vu.txt

IBM's Virtual Universe Operating System

w95startmeup

Song Parody of "Start Me up" by Dix/Dem (1995)

warbitch.hum

BitchWar Manual #1, by Barney Badass

warbitch.txt

B-File #1: Barney Badass's Bitch War manual

wargames.txt

Is Wargames Possible? Bullshit! By The Jabberwock

warning.hum

Warning! This Machine Intentionally Goes Down!

weird.pro

Bored by Pascal? A Posting from Magnus (September 29, 1989)

weirdpro.txt

The Bored by pascal? Series

what_is_.gur

How to Tell if You Have a UNIX Guru in the House

who-me.hum

So You Want to be a SysOP

why-text.oct

Why I Like Textfiles, by Jason Scott

why_i_li.309

Why I Like the IBM 3090

win95.txt

Joke Press Release: Windows Buys Up Satisfaction

winjokes.txt

Six Gabillion Anti-Windows/Microsoft Taglines

wint95experience.txt

Out of the Box with Windows 95 (August, 1995)

wisdom.talk

IMMANUEL: A Wisdom Based System for Discovering Deep Philosophical Ideas

writdocd.hum

How to Write Documentation Documentation (Needs Editing)

xdos7.txt

Christian Deity Ontological System Version 7 (XDOS 7.0), or Christianity 7

xtnd8088.txt

Extended Op-Code Set for 8088/8086, or What Intel forgot To Tell.

yale.1

An Example of a Fake AI System

you're.tired?

Art Buchwald's Story about Why You're So Tired

zany232.art

DL-232: A suggestion for even more stupid signals on computer cables

zendocum.txt

Zen and the Art of Software Documentation by W.C. Carlson

zippy_eliza

Attacking on ELIZA with some ZIPPY Quotes

zzzmodem.txt

ZZZMODEM: The Slowest Modem Protocol Ever