None of this is gonna make sense and it doesn't need to. But I'm here and I have things to say.
(1) Females are special. Note I don't say that because I'm a so-called feminist. I say that from a pure scholar perspective. They are biologically special. How can you otherwise explain the wonder that she holds in her womb? Any fucking quantification of that amazement is futile. And you'll know when you hold a newborn in your arms.
Sadly, nature selected females to be exploited. No hand of God; just hard core probability and Darwin's Natural Selection. The root of all female exploitation. Cultural, political, physical. Which of course is in complete conflict with (1). And oh boy, does it boil my blood. Only if I could cleave their brutal hearts. But ah, I'm only a boy. Plain and simple.
Chivalry to me is offering a hankerchief when you are crying. It is your giggle in my ears that feels like melody. Feminity to me is elegance. It is the little magical things girls do that makes me feel alive. Like laughing. And dancing for themselves. Swirling in a new dress.
I hate girls who ain't confident in who they are. I don't like girls who can't reason for themselves and resort to do things they wouldn't do just to gain peer acceptance. I'm not interested if you're "fat" or "ugly". I care if you are you. I care if I can talk to you and feel I can still talk more. I care if I don't have to pretend being someone else. I care if you are nerdy.
Friendship to me is talking about your silliest of thoughts without ANY fear of getting judged. I can be the shoulder you can *always* lean on, no matter what. Friendship is above standards set by others. Forgiveness comes naturally and so does trust.
I love everything every moment regardless of any prejudice. And because I do I have nothing to fear. Hence no anxiety. It's a bit of Tao I borrowed and it has worked well for me. (Reading really is a superpower)
Make it clear if I love you I'll love you till the end. But as they say, will you love me the same? I can't just let anyone in my heart and watch them break everything. It's very hard for me to trust people. There are reasons I don't want to go into. Mostly exploitational in nature.
I have never had a girlfriend before. I haven't kissed a girl.
A crucial point that _many_ people get wrong is this: love and sex are independent. I believe I can love someone and not touch them. Ever. (Though I don't wanna do that). Love is powerful and scared. Sex is pleasure. Though they are intertwined in a perverse way I think I can live with my distinction.
What I'm afraid of is this: Are you talking about love or just instant sexual gratification? I can offer both but you have to ask clearly.