Every so often, something takes me back to A PLACE. An obsession that stokes my heart. A rabbit hole, but the good kind. I've been up til 2-3am a few nights this week, tinkering with webnerdery, learning, exploring, burning internally in a way that feels different to the kind of burn you get from social media and addictive tech.
I have no doubt it's still a dopamine rush, but there's a joy attached to this. It reminds me of who I was and what I loved before I started building for the Big Internet.
They were the best of times and the worst of times. Chasing those aspirations, acquiescing to that paradigm and mindset, changes you. At least, I think it changed me. Reordered my priorities in those moments I was at my weakest, busiest, and least self-aware. Being immersed and working in a profit-motivated, engagement-driven, conversion-focused environment offered plenty of incentive and validation for disconnecting from the little, authentic, vulnerable part of yourself that craves integrity and connection.
The concept of "selling one's soul" for money, fame and power always seemed melodramatic. But after waking up a little in the midst of greed culture, I got it. I couldn't unsee. Those days haunt me still. It would be hypocritical of me to get angry at the damage left for us by the people who came before and not be a bit angry at myself for embracing Big Social and contributing to the momentum that gave them so much power. Sometimes I have a little cry because — understandable or not — my participation in the Big Internet makes me complicit in the legacy my generation leaves to the next.
Well now, this was meant to be a wee post about how I trimmed the cruft of my Big Internet site, favouring text, removing bloat, prioritising semantic HTML and classless CSS and accessibility (even though I'm kinda shit at it lol) — and about how this felt like a small, personal act of resistance that helps me buy back a bit of what I sold, that puts one more foot on the break pedal even as we continue careening forward.
I guess there were things to get off my chest. Thank you for understanding.
Ps. I'm not going to link that site here, because I kind of like this quiet Small Internet space as a separate sanctuary just for myself. Maybe one day, but not now.
hear hear, eph (on social media isolation) (tmo)
I'm not giving up on Gemini (carcosa)
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