NEW EMPLOYEE ORIENTATION: The Mainframe Environment From a Training Perspective by Kerry Galgano <> "Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the management of Behemoth Software International, let me welcome you to the company. I'm sure Mr. Brinksman would like to welcome you in person, but he is attending a stress delegation seminar in Fiji. Do you all have your orientation packages in front of you? Good. This session is designed to acquaint new employees with the data processing world as it relates to our product: educational software for the mainframe environment. We believe that an increased awareness of the realities of the DP environment promotes a better understanding of our customers and their needs. Now, if you will follow along in your handbooks, we will begin... The Mainframe Environment Operating systems can be murky and treacherous places, depending upon what options, interfaces and site-specific standards each company has scotch-taped onto them. Every data center does things differently. The atavistic impulse to incise one's name on a smooth rock has found its modern expression in software engineers who feel compelled to customize a perfectly good program beyond all recognition. From coast to coast, yea, even unto the UK, the DP professional's motto is, 'I tinker, therefore, I am.' Yet, our product is expected to load flawlessly and interface perfectly with the stupefying array of ornaments our customers have chosen to hang, like so many leeches, on their mainframes. The odds are that those of you who are coming aboard on the Help Desk will be on Thorazine drip within six months. But, we digress. Let us direct our attention first to the operating system. What is it? How does it work? As the Marquis de Valmont said as he embarked on one of his dangerous liaisons, 'I think we should begin with one or two Latin terms...' VM and MVS A number of years ago, a breakthrough in computing was achieved with the development of Virtual Machine (VM). The use of 'virtual' in this context is 'appearance without reality'. When you logon to a virtual operating system, you are given every indication that you have the entire system to yourself. Sadly, this isn't the case. VM, with perfect equanimity, simulates a full environment for everyone, regardless of mental acuity. You are sharing the system with people who think 'Beavis and Butthead' is a documentary. Don't panic. Just change your link passwords frequently. The ubiquitous term 'virtual' has given rise to a number of jokes in the industry, most of which are variations on the theme of 'Virtual Support': a support organization which appears on the org chart, but whose members can be located only on days when Trout Vindaloo is served in the data center cafeteria. Another popular term is 'Virtual Manager', a sort of Flying Dutchman who appears on the org chart -- and nowhere else. The more common definition of 'Virtual Manager' is the administrator who has all the acumen and verve of plankton. You will find this type of manager abundantly represented in our industry. VM, long cherished for its simplicity and straightforward command structure, is rapidly becoming a thing of the past as more CEOs are persuaded that complex problems require ever more complex solutions. MVS, or Multiple Virtual Systems, is the industry's answer to today's need for added complexity. It offers users an astounding variety of ways to screw up. However, it compensates for this by providing a maze of dataset naming conventions behind which any number of screw-ups can remain undiscovered for decades. Through the use of CMS in VM or TSO in MVS, users are able to conduct concurrent sessions, though each user's job competes with other programs for CPU time. Processing time is at a premium in every company, especially in the production environment. Production vs. Test Environment When we speak of a production environment, we mean 'the real world' (a phrase you will quickly tire of). This is the place where programs are in actual use to conduct the business of the company. The antonym of production is 'test'. This is the environment where programs are thoroughly vetted to make sure they are functional, reliable and compatible with the system environment before they are migrated to production, where they invariably abend. Abends are the leading cause of liver disease in the data processing industry today. Scheduling There is always competition for system resources between the production and test environments. When the production area is down or is slow, the company loses money. Many companies schedule special hours for test jobs to alleviate congestion and reinforce resentment for production priorities. In addition, most sites institute job classifications which specify priorities in terms of 'production' or 'test' and schedule jobs accordingly. The programmer who runs a lengthy test job during production hours is a carefree, oblivious soul who does not have long to live. In many companies, test jobs are run in the wee hours, when production is not usually an issue and there is less competition for processing time. Most programmers welcome this shift, as it affords them a chance to roam deserted hallways, turning abstract paintings upside down and drawing horns and a goatee on the Employee of the Month. Some companies run batch jobs at night to provide current data for the next day's business. Test jobs which interfere with production batch processing are greeted with all the warmth and affability of the Spanish Inquisition. Apparently, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, as many production schedules are festooned with poorly disguised test jobs. Change Control Many companies have implemented a standard, called 'change control', to regulate system changes, minimize impact on production and thwart productivity in general. Change control procedures vary. For some sites, it can be as simple as filling out a twelve-page form and nurturing it through channels (minimum time required: four weeks). For other sites, the change control process can require a bewildering variety of procedures, each with its attendant documentation rituals (pledges of offspring, signing over of life insurance, oaths of fealty, etc.). In this case, the minimum processing time is six to eight months (if you happen to have extra Super Bowl tickets, five months and fourteen days). Migration The implementation of new products or programs (the act of migrating them from the test environment to production) normally takes place over weekends or holidays. This practice embraces the wild, unfounded hope that, should a fatal flaw in the new program be discovered, there will be ample time to back it out before production is affected. There are two schools of thought as to what constitutes the proper method of ensuring a smooth migration. Some programmers begin each product installation with a prayer to St. Binar, the patron saint of data processing professionals. However, most veteran programmers know the secret of a successful implementation is to wave a dead chicken over the operations console when no one is looking. Black boxes recovered from the smoking ruins of unsuccessful software implementations have revealed that the last words most often spoken by programmers are: 'Just give it another five minutes. It worked on the test volume. Are there any buffalo wings left?' The last words uttered by operations managers are generally unprintable, usually a rapid and astonishingly imaginative stream of sibilant consonants and rich, fruity vowels. The Role of Training Where does training fit in? Well... nowhere, really. Computer training, whether it resides in the Information Center, Technical Training or Management Information Services department, operates as a highly specialized and universally ignored area. It is expected to do the important work of training employees to be productive and efficient... using none of the company's resources. Another dismal fact is that most training departments are not involved in the decision-making process concerning new products or budgetary considerations for implementing these products. Often, the news is broken to the Training Manager in a late-afternoon phone call from the Project Manager. The video you are about to see depicts the typical conversation. Can you roll that tape, Phil? Somebody get the lights, please." PROJECT MANAGER: Margaret, this is Paul. We just signed a five- year contract for WHOMPIT! How soon can you have the training in place? TRAINING MANAGER: What's a WHOMPIT? PROJECT MANAGER: Workflow Hierarchical On-line Management Productivity...um...Initialization...uh...Thingie. TRAINING MANAGER: What does it do? PROJECT MANAGER: Oh, it's guaranteed to knock our ECU down to 12 percent. TRAINING MANAGER: ECU? Is that another new acro--oh, never mind. What does WAMPUM do? PROJECT MANAGER: WHOMPIT! Operations is really excited about the reduced I/Os. TRAINING MANAGER: Uh-HUNH. But what does it DO? PROJECT MANAGER: You've never seen such pretty colors. TRAINING MANAGER: I'm beginning to see red. Come on, Paul, what... PROJECT MANAGER: So! How soon can you get training off the ground? We're putting it into production in two weeks. TRAINING MANAGER: Two WEEKS! But, there's so much we need to know! First, my people need to get together with the... uh... WHAPIT?...people to determine... PROJECT MANAGER: WHOMPIT! Oh, we've already done all that. TRAINING MANAGER: You have? PROJECT MANAGER: Sure! We got together with their sales rep over lunch at Chez Frais. We hammered out all the details. It's all worked out. TRAINING MANAGER: Oh, REALLY? PROJECT MANAGER: Oh, yeah! We had it up in test for about six months so the SEs could give it a good workout. Then, the applications people had a look at it for a few weeks. Then, Fred's people wanted to make sure it would interface with READNWEEP. And, naturally, Kate had to check it out for compatibility with... TRAINING MANAGER: Paul... PROJECT MANAGER: ...BLATTWARE. Then, of course, Clarence had to run it out to the remote site in Pinkley to make sure there weren't any access problems with... TRAINING MANAGER: Paul... PROJECT MANAGER: ...DRAG-NET. Oh, drat! I don't think Billy- Bob in Shipping has seen it yet. That's a dreadful oversight on my part. Maybe we should put the project on hold for a few weeks so he can... TRAINING MANAGER: PAUL! PROJECT MANAGER: What? TRAINING MANAGER: I suggest you take your WHOMPIT and put it where Billy-Bob can give it a REALLY good workout. Furthermore- PROJECT MANAGER: Uh...um...GOSH, look at the time! I'm late for a meeting! Gotta run, Margaret. Tell you what, I'll have Wally assign you some training IDs in the morning, OK? Great! GOOD to talk with you! Bye, now. TRAINING MANAGER: (Sigh) "Now that you have a feel for the dilemma facing our customers, you may find your way to your new cubicles. Oh, sorry - one more thing - please pick up your WHOMPIT manuals from Wally at the door. Training will begin in three weeks...more or less."