2020-10-24 21:13:15
Here I am, sitting at my laptop in my parents house, wanting to make decisions about my futures, but finding myself unable to do so, due to circumstances way outside of my control.
The numbers are clear: the curve marking the growth of covid-19 cases is exponential, and at this pace there will be another lockdown before the winter holidays.
In the meanwhile, I am trying to cope with the independence I lost when I lost my old life, thinking of getting a flat somewhere else, maybe picking up driving again - but how can one do any of that when every activity might need to be interrupted at any time for an indefinite amount of time?
Not to mention the fact that I am still paying for a mortgage for a house that is currently inhabited by my former partner and his new girlfriend (which is really nice, and I am happy for them, but the mortgage is expensive).
I finally read Snowden's book, and watched the CitizenFour documentary, and they both just reconfirmed what I already knew: the "good" internet is gone. The World is a mess. People are horrible.
I am not surprised or shocked by what I read, but the concept of being constantly spied on by a government which isn't even mine is hard to grasp, and the book makes it more "tangible".
I feel like I need to do more to take care of the well being of my mind and body, but that needs energy, and right now I have none.
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