diary (sept. 18- )

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sept. 23, 2020

I've been quite productive the first half of the day, things are slowing down in the afternoon though. I went to CVS this morning to buy cereal, read my page of "War and Peace", and sent another postcard to Antonio (I fear the first one won't get there because I forgot to put the zip code). Attended a zoom meeting about Artifact (heyartifact) , a company that does personal podcasts for archiving of familial or group histories. Downloaded "what3words" app and thinking about a series of poems based on the way the app assigns 3 random words to specific locations in the world. Read about how to understand and interpret community through libraries. My back and feet have been in pain most of the day.

The news about how the cops who killed Breonna Taylor did not get convicted is making me think about what should come next. I am heartbroken.

sept. 22, 2020

Today feels like it has been smudged by someone's thumb. Spent a lot of time looking at videos about Michelle Wolf's White House Correspondent Dinner speech. Sent a postcard to Antonio. Thoughts are dissipating much faster than usual. Going to start reading “War and Peace” two pages per day.

sept. 21, 2020

There isn't a lot to say about today:

sept. 20, 2020

Woke up this morning and finished going through all my books with epigraphs. I've got to put all the books back because the bookshelves in my studio are completely empty, while the floor is littered with books. I also spent some time adding stuff on here, such as links for easy online maneuvering.

I went to the library to print something off for S. and listened to my 2020 playlist for the first time in a while. I keep adding stuff on there from my Discovery Weekly on Spotify but rarely take the time to listen because I don't walk around town as much anymore. In the shower I thought about maybe starting a habit of writing a postcard to a friend every day and walking to the post office to send it, giving me a reason to go as well as maintaining communication with people I care about. If you're interested in getting a postcard every once in a while feel free to email me using the "contact me" link on my index page.

S. and I hung out with K. and E. tonight, just chatting.

sept. 19, 2020

S. and I went with Holmes to a huge sunflower field around 3 p.m. We'd spent most of the morning just talking in bed so we were excited to be out and walk Holmes.

I woke up just before 8 a.m. this morning because I was going to do a four-hour meditation with a group on zoom but I quit about an hour into it. For the first half hour everything went well except that as I seemed to wake up more my brain became restless and I had a flood of thoughts I couldn't help but feel my way through.

Yesterday, I was walking to the library on the first cool morning of September and started to hiccup. I've been hiccuping on and off since then, sometimes with intervals of a couple of hours. A couple of years ago I went to the ER because I had been hiccuping for four days straight and there was a possibility it was a brain tumor or a number of other terrible things. Ultimately they went away with some pills that relaxed my diaphragm. So, when I get hiccups I immediately worry about how long they last because they interrupt everything, talking, thinking, etc.

Yesterday I was thinking about why I always have a feeling that I'm going to get hit by a car when I cross the street. Since undergrad I remember imagining that I got in a car crash whenever I would go to a particular crosswalk, remembering how a student had been killed on another road nearby one summer. I also remember having a "flashforward" moment, a premonition, when I was 9-10 years old where I was getting hit by a car. I'm afraid that someone who is prejudice against me will be the one to strike.

Trying to decide whether or not I should record little fake radio shows for my friends and send it to them every month. That way I can share music I like and also get to include other stuff in between songs.

"I love you & it's all your fault."-The Book of Wolf from "The Holy Bible"

completely stunned by the video for "sugar" by sufjan stevens, still making up my mind on the song though

sept. 18, 2020

I started a conversation a couple days ago on Midnight about the frequency and type of poetry people are reading. It's interesting what stories we tell ourselves that make us afraid or uncertain about our own investments in certain genres. I'm trying to find better ways of introducing poetry to people as well as making them more comfortable with engaging with it in their daily lives. I think there are so many poems out there that could help certain people but they don't know how to find them.

original post and responses at midnight pub

Been thinking quite often about how the study that originally proved the placebo effect included inaccurate findings so as to popularize the practice of double-blind procedures for scientific research.

My diploma for the MFA arrived today. I have a hard time processing these types of accomplishments, they seem so abstract. Played some Super Mario Sunshine which was incredibly nostalgic, took me back to those days in middle school when I would hang out with my "big brother" who was a college student and we'd go to his apartment and play Gamecube. Got some D.P. Dough for dinner, a lasagna calzone, and watched the Taylor Tomlinson netflix special with S.

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