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< Writing and the Art of Lonliness ^Â¥^
yeah, i have a few social outlets
mostly socialist groups in town
and aa
(although i'm not a 12 step believer, just
a fan of supporting and getting support from
others in the same boat)
i do have a little terrier that's my best friend
he's basically my son, her and i never had kids
but we had him and he keeps me sane
in my life i have tended towards a more
casual misanthrophy
i usually keep people at arms distance
just because so many people can be
volatile and have irrational attitudes
that really are hard for me to bite my tongue around
i suppose what i really miss is mostly that
close intimacy with a partner
our hearts were so intertwined that now that
she's gone, it's hard to feel the beat of my own
silence is sarcosanct for me
i'm actually planning on moving to a small town
nearby, even smaller than where i am
it's nice and quiet and only has one store
only 15min from here so it wont be a hassle
to get supplies
but that's probably a 4-6 month plan
need to get out of the tent first
especially before winter
some in a similar situation here in Farmington, MO. People come/go from Clubhouse daily, some in tents in the nearby woods (Mark Twain Forest, Shawnee Natl Forest) as it is essentially legal to camp there. They do laundry and get access to other utilities at clubhouse, as well as job training or just a place to do laundry, et al.
If it weren't for a/the clubhouse environment, I would not speak to a single person in this life. I left my siblings and surviving parent up North, as their narcissism and disregard for others doesnt jive with me. STL is full of filthy air and no volunteer opportunities unless I wanted to go to/from Independence Center (I did for a summer) deep into the city. Here, I am a mile from the clubhouse. Walking there and back is like a nature hike. As hundreds of miles of protected forest surround the town. Cleanest air ever.
Now home (as in right now) from a busy day of doing a large lunch there, and other cleanup tasks. Back to quiet and serenity. Smokes with coffee and dark cavernous dwellings :)