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We might not be able to determine how far our words reach in the world, but the fact that they're in the world at all is on us. We might not be able to determine how our words are taken by others, but the fact that they're taken at all in one way or another is on us. Even if it's not our intention to be offensive with our words, we still intend to say those words; thus, the effects of those words are on us. Merely being aware of what we say isn't enough; we must be aware of how they're heard, too, and take that into account when we say it. When others call us out on our words being harmful, we need to accept that and apologize. What we shouldn't do is be stingy with our apologies; they're not some rare nonrenewable resource, after all, but an expression of "I messed up, please forgive me, I will try to do better". That's all, that's it.
We're all human, and we all mess up—each one of us does every day, really! The important thing is to be humble enough to admit that we do so, to be aware of our impacts on others, that we must do better, and that we rely on others catching us and calling us out in the process. It's bad enough when we cause harm by words, whether or not we meant it, but we compound it when we deny that we had anything to do with the harm that resulted from what we said and, thus, refuse to apologize. That's hubris, narcissism, arrogance, and spite; that's inexcusable. It may well be better for us to open our mouths less or not at all, but we do, and we must accept responsibility in every way for what we say and how it's heard. To deny it is to say that others have to get over themselves and forget about the pain or problems we ourselves cause. Even when our words are intentionally heard for misuse or abuse, it's still on us that they were said at all to be turned into weapons against us or others. It's on us not just what we say and whether we say it but how, too—and, thus, fixing any problems that result afterwards.
If people call you out on being offensive, rude, mean, hurtful, or shitty: