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Originally posted on mastodon here [1], from 2 to 4 am on the 11th of december, 2024
It is two am, I have just come back from a 1:30 hour walk, and have decided it is probably a good
(or at least not terrible) idea to try to get my thoughts regarding the past week or so in order.
Also, learning how to make threads on this website might come in handy later.
So, here goes.
Almost exactly a week ago, a man was killed in one of the most famous cities in the world. The
motives of the killer, while still not explicitly known, are easy to guess at: the man was the CEO
of a company which could be characterised as making a business out of keeping people ill, worsening
their care, or even outright leading to their deaths. According to Wikipedia, under this man’s
leadership, this company planned to not pay for emergency room visits it considered “non-critical”.
The killer was widely celebrated, at least on the parts of the internet I tend to view. Tumblr users
were talking about making cross-stitches of the words found on the bullets, or bullet casings, or
whatever they were. Reddit was criticising somebody’s tattoo, saying “we don’t know if it was that
guy yet”, and talking about Mr Incredible’s violent outburst in the Pixar film as if it were some
grand heroic moment, not a scene showing, in my opinion, how he isn’t suited for the life he’s
living (not the point). Apparently it wasn’t even a left-wing vs right-wing thing, as I’ve seen
screenshots of Ben Shapiro’s Youtube comments seemingly in agreement with all these people:
The killer didn’t just have an understandable motive. He was justified in his actions. A hero in
fact! If he didn’t do it, somebody else should have! Everyone, if your friends or relations have
health issues, have no fear! The second ammendment of the United States Constitution gives you an
easy way to guarantee treatment!
I say all this as a young, white, European man, who last lost a family member when he was 8 years
old, and whose hospital-related horror stories are about my sister being diagnosed Coeliac, or my
Father cutting into his leg with a power tool.
I cannot know how bad the situation is in the States. I have heard tales of people ending up on the
streets because of a single, routine operation that they were insured for, but I have also heard
about how apparently hospitals just ignore the unpaid part of a bill, for tax reasons. I’ve heard
the financial disparity is approaching the levels of pre-revolutionary France, but I wouldn’t be
surprised if that changes depending on how you ask the question (I don’t mean to be dismissive. the
situation is bad). Then again I haven’t studied pre-revolutionary France since high school.
As a Christian, life, especially Human life holds value. When that life begins is a controversial
question, which leads to a lot of the anger in the question of abortion, but Brian Thompson was
undeniably a living human being, as was his killer, and all the people who died sooner than they
would have had he made different decisions.
I understand the anger. I understand the celebration. But just two weeks ago, I watched a musical
production of Animal Farm in the local theatre. There are plenty of other examples in literature and
in history about what can happen if we start saying "this killing was just" or "this group deserves
to die".
I guess when it comes down to it, I am a pacifist. I would rather be executed for desertion or
treachery than kill another human being. And while some people must be kept away from society at
large to keep society safe and functional, killing somebody in the name of the law means they can
never regret their actions, and this is where my Christian beliefs come in, repent and ask the one
and only Perfect, Holy Judge for mercy. Revenge is not mine to take, as I know I am not worthy to
throw the first stone.
What does this mean? I... don't know. If I did, I wouldn't be stayin up past 3 am trying to massage
my thoughts and feelings into textual form.
Would I have killed Brian Thompson? Absolutely not. If someone were to hurt my siblings, it wouldn't
be unimaginable for me to do something stupid, but while earthly justice is fallible, I believe in
justice in Heaven.
Would I have helped the murderer get away? I don't think so. Not in good cosncience. I wouldn't turn
them in, but if asked I don't think I could even lie for them. I guess this last part is one of the
biggest things that has been bothering me, considering what I've been seeing on the internet. This
individual didn't rescue anyone from disaster natural or otherwise, they didn't hide anyone from an
opressive regime, they shot a man in the back, in the dark, while wearing a mask. I cannot view this
person as a hero.
Of course, they aren't a monster or a villain, either. I understand why people were saying things
about "underground railroad"ing them somewhere. I understand the spider-man references. I just can't
find it in myself to fully agree.
This isn't the only thing thats been bothering me.
I have been known, now and then, to make jokes saying "all hail the surveilence state!"
I know about cctv networks. I know about social media websites being required to hand the huge
amounts of data they collect over to governments if they think it might help in some investigation.
I was only on facebook for about 6-7 years, and hardly posted anything. I didn't even have a
smartphone to conenct it to, or anything like that. Still, when they sent me the information they
had gathered about me, it was measured in gigabytes.
I know mobile phone networks also hoard metadata that they too can be required to give over to the
police.
I know that in the USA, you have the freedom to not be bound by silly data protection laws like the
GDPR or the like.
Still, the fact that by Saturday evening the internet was talking about how well the killer had hid
their tracks, because the police could only track them to *which bus station they left the city
from*, it dawned on me just how little my infosec practices actually do.
They could even say that they only took their mask off once in their entire stay in the city! The
fact that there is *anywhere* near enough information to make that claim is *terrifying*.
But why am I disturbed by this? Would I rather a murderer go free? What if it were a less morally
questionable case? Would I let somebody who, say, kidnapped a child get away with their crime in
exchange for such information about me and those I care about not existing? Arguments about not
having anything to hide only work if you can guarantee that you will never have anything to hide.
I'm a protestant Christian. There is no need to talk about other countries, there was a time a mere
4-5 hundred years ago when that was a crime. I am not a citizen of the country I live in. There are
political parties, popular ones, who are campaigning on the platform of this country leaving the EU,
which would make me staying here a lot more difficult. I'm half-hungarian, an ethnicity that was
actively opressed within living memory. And that's just my family history.
Huh. "Think of the children".
That's the crux of the matter isn't it? How much injustice are we willing to risk, to allow justice
to flow its course?
I don't know what else to add.
I could wail in despair over all I have done in order to stay out of sight.
I could head off on five or more tangents on various topics regarding religion, politics,
information technology, ethics, history, or really any topic I touched on in this thread.
I could lament over a world that can rejoice in death, and be, arguably, justified.
I could start ranting about javascript, or any other annoying thing that can be argued (not
necessarily in good faith) to be the root of all the evil we see in the world today.
I suppose... I dunno. It's late. I've spent over two hours thinking and typing these out. If anyone
takes the time to read them, hi, I'm glad you're alive.
On a side note, I am surprised that I haven't really needed to dip into any other language. Often
when I have long, complicated thoughts I tend to break out the Hungraian, or if I'm getting really
philosophical, the toki pona (there just isn't any good way to say "lon" or "pakala" in English).
Ultimately, I guess I'll close this with a prayer. I don't know what I feel. God does. I don't know
what is good, or right, or just. God does. May the Lord of Heaven and Earth, who loved us all enough
to send His son to die a cursed death, give us all wisdom in these times of strife, and bring
justice to those crying out in pain and suffering.