💾 Archived View for james.flounder.online › naptime › angry.gmi captured on 2024-12-17 at 09:45:32. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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12-10-24 @ 6:10am
woke up from a dream by yelling out loud “i can’t believe you would fucking say that shit to me”. i hate waking myself up thru yelling, heart still pounding, an hour before my alarm. in my dream my dad yelled at me out of nowhere about how disappointed he is in me & my overall work ethic (i worked at the library in my dream?). yelling from the other side of the house that they should fire me, that he’s embarrassed of me, that i should be embarrassed with myself. my mom walks thru my room right after just to comment on my dirty laundry. then my dad comes thru & i can’t even make my words make noise, barely whispering. he has to sit very close to me to hear. i’m shocked & hurt. i say, “you think they should fire me?” he shrugs. i say, “but if you were my boss, you would fire me…” he laughs. i try to say more, i’m mouthing words but no sound will come out. the only way to be heard is by yelling. i scream at him & pound on the bed. i cannot believe his cruelty.
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thanks to my brain for trying to process everything going on with my family as well as my own self-judgements. i do sincerely appreciate it even if it’s jarring & inconvenient <3
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my dream reminded me also of the time my dad screamed at me to wake up & “do something” — i was living at home for a semester while taking time off college bc i was terminally depressed & failing out. i was sleeping a lot, as depressed people do, but had 2 jobs that were never impacted by it. anyway one day totally out of nowhere, i’m asleep in bed at 11am on my day off, & my dad (who might have been trying to wake me up for a while?) barges into my room & scuh-reams at me, “get up!!! get the fuck up!!!!” as if me being asleep in my bed in the morningtime is inconveniencing him in some way.
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thanks brain!
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12-15-24 @ 8:22am
once again woken up thru screaming at my dad in my dream. i went back to sleep after so i don’t remember what it was about. this is so frustrating!