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i haven’t gone to 12-step meetings in a few months so wanted to share here:

• yesterday (12/9/24) i didn’t take anything until 9:30pm. 12hrs completely sober if you can believe it! days like that are extremely rare so i’ll continue to record these victories
• over the past few months i’ve been reducing my intake: nothing before work, then nothing during work, then nothing until i get home from work. very proud of myself for making these changes that i thought for years would be completely impossible!
• not noticing a lot in terms of psychological changes, mainly i’m happy to not be spending so much time/energy/money on weed anymore! what a joy to spend that 20% of my income in other ways, on art or gifts or things that won’t disappear <3

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• same for 12/10
• on 12/11 @ 10pm I realized it had been 24hrs. my first 24hrs! & then i did not even hit my pen before bed. i’m at something like 34hrs rn & counting. this is the longest i’ve gone w/o in 8-9yrs, & the longest ever intentionally

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• 12/12 told my coworkers that I was like 40hrs sober. that I’ve worked hard to reduce my intake & that I’m doing ok without relying on this substance so much. A few months ago in MA I said “I’m not ready to lose another relationship” tho I’m seeing things as responding to each other. Less weed allows for other kinds of connections maybe, new ways of interacting

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• yesterday (12/15) I smoked socially for the first time fr since my habits have changed. I was so excited to see how I could feel, that I could get high socially without already being high when I arrive. Nothing noteworthy to report, it was enjoyable in the way that smoking weed with others is enjoyable. I got high to the point of being very quiet which was hm not my intention but good to observe

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• 12/16 it feels good to not feel like I *need* it. Perhaps that is more of a deeper personal issue of me feeling like I can’t have needs at all, or that I dislike my reliance on anyone/anything. To have needs or need to rely.

Also I am having dreams again. They are all scary & disorienting which reminds me of some of the things I liked about longterm stonerhood. Not dreaming kinda ruled compared to these borderline nightmares

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