💾 Archived View for seldoncortex.com › gemlog › 09-30-2024.gmi captured on 2024-12-17 at 09:43:36. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Today, a self sat opposite from me at a separate table at my most frequented coffee shop. This self was attractive to me. They gave off (attractively, haha~) a little awkward vibes, but they were writing in a couple small notebooks.
Over the course of 30 minutes or so and in between doing some software development for work, I considered asking them whether they were journaling, but before fate could determine whether I acted on that impulse or not, they actually spoke to me first.
"Sorry to interrupt, but is that Thinkpad the older one that is modular? They're supposed to be really durable."
I said that I don't really know, as it's my work laptop, but promptly shut it, flipped it over and presented it for them to look at.
Hélas, it wasn't the queried Thinkpad, but I enjoyed the interaction. They went to use the restroom (I knew because the coffee shop has to loan you the key), and I guessed they were heading out after that.
In the interim, I debated whether I should approach them once they came back to return the key. I could say I had been wondering if they were journaling. I resolved to, but they came back, left the key, and exited the coffee shop so quickly that I was left debating whether to run outside after them. As the seconds ticked by, the thought became more discouraging. They were further away, and I'd be less likely to find them, and I'd seem more desperate.
The fact that those who come across as feminine deal with much unwanted attention was also bouncing around my head and inhibiting me from going after them.
And I would regret my timidity dearly. There are so many reasons I can come up with to avoid approaching people. But ultimately I often regret not doing it.
For me, I have so many false starts trying to leap. Resolve to do something but chicken out. I want to jump in, but the water is cold. Start walking, break into a bit of a trot, and then falter.
Oh, it's not that I've never had successes in getting myself to take the plunge. But how to take more plunges more often, and how to not be deterred by the inevitable rejections that must accompany the instances of successful connection?