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'''' - gemini edition
`"Dinner is ready!" Mom calls out from behind the screen door. Both kids face themselves and open their mouths in excitement. They know what's for dinner without saying a word. The race to the kitchen table is underway. Benjamin takes the lead, jumping through the swing like a hawk through an opening. As Daniel catches up, he crash-lands in front of the porch steps. They pause the race. Benjamin smirks and walks back to a defeated Daniel, teary-eyed. "It's okay. You're okay". He helps him up the steps and into the house. Mom awaits them with a smile and warm dinner.`
I sit on the porch to watch birds dance, smell the crisp fresh grass scent, and enjoy the sun breeze that comes from above.
The sun welcomes the new flowers with a warm embrace.
The silence of nature is all around me and I can't help but smile.
Reminds me of being a child. No school, work or worries. Happy family.
The screen door opens and Mom signals me.
Tomato, basil, thyme and garlic. Nose picks up flavors. Mouth waters as I sit in front of the plate. I can taste the love, smiles, and hugs as a child.
Mother is a great cook. I notice it all now. I love it.
Bro has his face buried in the screen. He leaves without eating. I can feel him walk out the back.
As I place the dishes in the sink, there is a anger behind me.
Dad is up and jabbing fingers towards Mom. Veins in his neck and face. Red.
Without a second thought, I stand between them. Shielding Mom from the glowing anger.
This *is* my problem. I will not back down.
I see his hand across my face and strike my cheek. I take it in.
His Anger. Rage. Fury. Wrath. I don't want this.
I give it back to him, in kind.
Surprise.
He falls to the floor and stares at me.
Eyes locked. Fearless.
Never felt myself like this. He turns.
Regret. Shame. Sadness. It all walks out the door.
Ray's been texting me. He wants more and more every time.
I don't even know why I do this anymore. I'm always tired and broke.
Where does my money go? All the days just blend into each other.
Benji's on the porch. Fucker. Just sits with a smile like an idiot. All day. All while Mom and Dad fight in the kitchen. All day.
I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm heavy inside.
Dinner is served. Parental argument continues. Never ending. Numb.
Ray is nearby. He can't come to the house. "Time to go."
Bro can deal with that noise. I got better things to do.
At the park. Ray is a good guy. "High five." He could be someone if he stops using. He is happy. The escape makes him happy. He shares that happiness with me.
"Why do you do this?" That's how it's always been done. That's what his father taught him. He's content doing this every day.
Am I him? Will I be him? Shivers.
Dad's car speeds by. It's late.
"What happened?" Do I call him? Do I go check on Mom?
I look towards the house.
It's time. It's time. I need more time. I need the money.
It's over. All over. No. I've survived worse. I WILL survive this.
"You make spaghetti every fucking day. Pasta leftovers for lunch every fucking day."
We sit.
Look at his fucking dumb smile across from me. It's your fault. You did this. I hate your smile. Your dumb stupid smile.
"This dinner is shit. It's all shit. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT. YOU! YOU! DUMB BITCH."
Benjamin interferes.
"Get out of the way boy. Remember your place."
I strike his stupid face and find myself on the ground immediately.
Everything grows bigger. The table. Chairs. Ceiling. Benjamin towers over me.
I meet his gaze, but can't hold it this time.
"OH. I see. You're the man now." Knees shake.
"You're the boss. Okay." Legs almost give, but I come to my feet.
"We'll see about that." Can't bring myself to look at him.
We'll see what Steve has to say. Vengeance. Sadness. Anguish.
Your voice annoys me. You do not overshadow my son's presence, though.
They like my food. Inner smile. Spaghetti is their favorite.
I call Benji in. He adapts quickly. Nothing keeps him down. I am proud of him. Outward Smile.
He ate it all. Benji picks up his and my plate.
"Again, Richard. Please stop." I look down. No need for confrontations in front of them.
Shame. Humiliation.
Surprise.
Benji is between us. He stood up to him.
"What have you done?" Fear.
Richard leaves in a fuss. It always gets worse.
I hug my son.
I fear what is to come. I cry for what is next. On my knees.
I sob in defeat. "I don't know if I can keep doing this."
He holds my hands in his. I see his eyes. Serenity. I float on my feet.
Calmness overtakes me. My lungs open up. I can breathe.
He is not the same. His tender eyes and smile. Strength.
There is nothing to fear. His eyes speak to me. I stand tall.
Hopeful. Optimistic.
___
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