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Eye for an eye for an eye
Tit for tat
Tit for a tit
The catdog ouroboros
Chases itself on teevee
You are what you eat
Eye for an eye
Eye for a nose
Eye for an ear
The whole world blind
No a’s or e’s or o’s or u’s
No sometimes wise
Eye for eye, I for you
You for me
Ice for free
Baby eyes never worn
Never killed
Never born
Eye for an eye for an eye
Foreign eye
Closed tight
Hit as hard as you get
Swing hard
Swing right
An eye for an eye
Is a pretty bad trade
You already have the eye
Aye
Four an eye
Only six for the pair
Eye to eye
Eye for eye
I ate eye
Six feared seven
Seven eight nine
Ten
Eye glasses cost money
Go to the bank
Eye patches like pirates
Walking the plank
Eye watching icarly
Spencer does prank
Eye for an eye
Leaves the whole world blind
Assuming of course
That someone somewhere
Gouges the first eye
Unprovoked
Had a dream when i was asleep. In part of it i was driving around. I’ve been doing that for work lately and not enjoying it. It was night and i remember driving the wrong way into a parking lot. I remember thinking it didn’t even matter and driving right off the pavement.
I was in a store and i tried on this gaudy blue sequin dress that i did not really like, and then my normal clothes got lost and i had to walk out into the store. And one of the employees started gassing me up so hard it was very sweet and made me smile and she was like you NEED to buy this now. And i started paying but then a new friend of mine walked into the store with people i didn’t know. And i got really self conscious. I thought they saw me and were ignoring me, which hurt even more, but i snuck around the store and put together a better outfit that i recall feeling actually represented me. And then i walked right back out and was like ohhh heyy funny seeing you here. And they greeted me warmly. The employee seemed hurt that i didn’t want the ugly dress but i told her it just wasn’t really me.
I think this dream was more bluntly illuminating of my current headspace than many dreams are. I’ve been wrestling with my self image a lot lately, especially in the context of this new friend i have been spending a lot of time with. I feel it’s nice to have a fresh start, to get to introduce someone to yourself as you are now, but it’s given me pause to reflect on how i feel about the way i am now and where i feel Im falling short.
Elsewise, work has been grinding me down to nothing, but I've finally started applying for other jobs. It’s been hard to do much of anything lately, and planning for the future feels impossible. So I’m focusing on solving my work problem first. That’s the most i can manage for now. I’m struggling right now, but i think I’ve got my head on straight and I’m still happy with the path I’ve set myself on. Just daunted by the many forks that lie ahead. I’m writing songs again. And I’ve been cooking for myself a bit more. I do what i can and that much i am satisfied with.
An eyelash on the cheek
Is not the sort of thing
You reach over gently
And brush off
When you are not
In love with someone
You don’t pay attention
To the way light
Bounces off of their face
Glowing at the edges
You don’t hold a glance too long
You don’t memorize their words
You don’t try to impress them
By taking better care of yourself
You aren’t constantly aware
Of how close you are to touching
You don’t think about that
You don’t do any of those things
When you aren’t in love
So it sucks for me
That I’m not in love
Because those are all things i like to do
Oh well
Noah from Bible
Had a idiot brother
Who meant well
But he only got one
Of each and every animal
So when they got on his boat
There was nothing to do
Repopulation-wise
So instead he just walked around the boat
Getting to know all the different guys
Understanding them better
He thought he was getting somewhere
But then
The roach ate the flea
The pigeon ate the roach
The cat ate the pigeon
The dog ate the cat
And so on
Until Noah’s idiot brother
Sat alone on his boat
With a very full belly
I had a idea but i forgot it
:(
Had a meeting today to discuss some of my grievances with work and ask for a raise. It went fine mostly but they said I’d be getting a raise but they aren’t sure how much or when. So i pressed and asked for another meeting to discuss that. What they did say is that everyone is extremely aware how hard i work and that i am frequently being overworked because project managers are fighting over my time because i am so good at my job. And i knew this but it’s good to know that they know this even though that doesn’t really change much on my end. If what they offer me is still less than what i know firsthand that less experienced people in my office are making, i will refuse their offer but im hoping it doesn’t come to that because i still need a bit more time to get all my ducks in a row.
Otherwise, im doing well. Felt good to air it out and i think they all know they are on the defensive now.
I’m going to be in St. Louis from the 23rd to the 30th btw my friends. Let’s make some plans i reckon.
Getting my hair cut tomorrow and trying something new. The day before i go home. Risky move but one i gotta make.
It snowed tonight. Nice.
Trying to cook more
It’s not going great
But what i did do
Is make something on Saturday
And then have the same meal
Six times in a row
Better than what i was doing before
I guess
A dream i have
A wish i have
Is that im sitting in a room in the future
And I’m the most conservative one there
I’ve been out-woked
Society has moved past me
And now i cling to my
Reactionary beliefs
Which brought me comfort
In my youth
Now antiquated and fringe
And i wouldn’t understand
What the problem really was
But I’d be happy to know
That they know more than I do
And they must be on the right side
I just think it would be cool
To see how the world would look
If it proved me wrong
I cleaned the kitchen
But i worked late
To get everything done
Then when i finished
I was just still in my home
So i went on a long walk
I wanted to smoke
But instead i just walked longer
I miss smoking
But not that much
It’s gross
So i just walk a little longer
I’ve been here long enough
That i can walk by memories
Sitting there on the curb
Where they were made
And i laugh to myself
Doing a lot of that lately
Laughing to myself
I’m funny i guess
And a pretty generous audience
It was raining so i brought my umbrella
It felt like November
Dim rainy streets
Leaves falling
Feeling lonely
Only the ginkgo leaves remain
Still bright yellow
Holding onto what they can
I get smiled at
And smile back
Thinking
At least I’ve got that going for me
Not everybody does
I get home and
Try to think of something
That will make tomorrow feel
Distinct from today
I’m working from home all week
So it’s important to mark the days
Elsewise I’ll just go on working
Straight through the weekend
The longer you’re around
The more likely it is
You’ve got some dead guy
Hanging around in your head
Someone you lost
So now you bring him with you
And it can make you act weird sometimes
It can make you sad out of nowhere
And it feels isolating
But the more you pay attention
The more you can see
All the other dead guys
Being carried around too
We’re all doing it
It’s just bad manners
To point and stare
If you meet someone
Who doesn’t get it
Be kind and be patient
Their dead guy is still alive
He stumbles into the bar
And the bartender chuckles
He says usually that goes the other way
Smiles and says
I’m not drunk just clumsy
But I’m here to change that
Give me two glasses of whiskey
The first to drown my sorrows
The second to drown my hopes
When I’m good and drownded
I’ll be on my way
Feeling nothing
If i die before I'm finished
Odds are I’ll be back
In whatever shape I can be
I’d prefer a classic ghost
Blue and translucent
But I’ll settle for
A little gust of wind
Reincarnated as a bug
A contagious memory
Repeated phrase
Or a zombie
Skeleton
Really anything
Whatever it takes
To get the job done
If you ask me
Which by reading this
You’ve already done
Implicitly
Every zoo
Is ten thousand times
Too small
Every pen
Ten thousand times
Too cramped
Too claustrophobic
Even the big ones
Animals are meant
To move around
That’s why we evolved legs
If we were supposed to
Stay in one place
In one room forever
We would have grown roots
But we have legs
So we should move them
Unenclosed
I work an office job
And this cubicle
Is ten thousand times
Too small for me
To do anything but atrophy
Your dog at home
Shouldn’t have to sleep
On the couch all day
Dogs should be able
To run around
All these walls we built
Are too close together
By a factor of
Let me calculate
Hmmm
Ten thousand
I don’t know what is to be done
I just know it feels crazy
To be in one place
For so long