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9.28 on the days I don’t run I’m like ….. where’s the run……
did 18 yesterday, my first time punching past 3 hours of running which i still have pretty mixed feelings about. my last few long runs - 15 & 16 milers - have really impacted my training the following week, which sucks. feel fine today but nervous about my ability to have 2 ~40+ mile weeks in a row. anyway. you really do learn so much on the long run so i can see the argument that you are gaining something even if you're destroying your body slightly more than what is ideal. for ex:
slept badly night before because i'm always nervous, went into some weird emotional tailspin about something totally unrelated (self sabo???). it's good for that to happen so i can practice dealing with big feelings under pressure. woke up later than i expected and had to adjust pre run eating plans, so i only had a banana. this is not ideal. again, i do feel like it's sort of good to have these minorly stressful experiences surrounding the run because i'm learning to adapt and handle them. i also had no electrolytes on the run or before, just me and my little water bottle and a thousand gus.
from around miles 10 - 13 i was really struggling. i was like, i cannot be struggling this hard to run 10 miles. i figured the issue was being underfueled in some way. i was taking gels every ~30 min so i guess it was like a salt / electrolyte thing? after some hemming & hawing i pulled over to get a gatorade. it was FOUR DOLLARS but it worked like a charm. perked me right up. how much it helped felt insane. my last 4 miles were the best of the run. the experience of getting a second wind around mile 12-13 feels really valuable, like to know that you can have run a long way and be tired but still come back and keep going.
i thought of a new metaphor when i was out there which is good. my mind is like a toolbox of various daydreams to deploy while running. when i was in my struggle miles i was thinking about being in the middle of the ocean. so much of what i'm trying to do on the long runs is learn how to control my mind so it's not spinning out about how much longer there is to go and whether or not i'll be able to do it and what might happen if i drink too much water or don't eat enough gu or blah blah blah. be where your feet are, be in the mile you're in, surrender, sink in, different things work at different times and it's good to get to play with it.
yeeehawwwwww. on we go
9.16 tried to run today but did not want to in an extreme way. it wasn't even that my body was particularly blah, i just really really did not wanna run. biked instead. biking is a very different experience from running, it feels a lot less like being in my own world. more combative. but coasting down the bottom of the park is really nice. there is no running equivalent to just sort of being carried by a bike, it's like if you could increase running distance while lying down or something
9.12 i’m about halfway through marathon training - i have eight weeks left. feeling very in the middle. like i’ve come a long way but i have a long way to go
9.3 okay i take it back things to fear. just kidding.
idk i just felt really bodily yuck on my easy run in a new way...trying not to freak out about it. it's sort of funny how in running when i experience a pain or negative sensation, i not only have an adverse reaction to the experience or whatever, but then i also have a fear of experiencing it again (which might be the worst part).
i can take a down week this week if i want, maybe pull back on mid week running and focus on running two strong 10s this weekend if need be. also soon i will have access to a bathtub for a few glorious days. feels like my body needs something but unclear to me what.
comforting to remember i had a similar dip in performance mid-half marathon training a few months ago, similarly colored by lite anguish and self loathing
8.30 NOTHING TO FEARRRRRRR
8.29 i am AFRAID! of my 15 mile run this week
8.20 more intense plan experimentation going well. just finished four days in a row of running. when i was training for my most recent half marathon, i seldom ran two days in a row (just thought it would be too much for me?). my body held up to the four days just fine. a beautiful break in heat/humidity helped me today. spirits are high as i attempt my third week in the thirties - hoping to hit around 35 miles this week. feeling like maybe i got this! and excited to rest tomorrow.
7.30 I’m actually at a perfect moment to switch plans (if I do). & while I was not perfectly following higdon plan (at all), I was almost exactly running the mileage for the plan I’m considering switching too. just calling out some gooood orderly direction
7.28 want to write about my running. spending a lot of time today looking into this idea that you shouldn't run more than 3 hours in marathon training (my current plan to do at least an 18 & 20 miler, which would probably take ~3:45min if things went well). the theory is basically that anything longer than 3 hours is just beating up your body so much it's not worth it. the solution is "stacked long runs," so you'd do like an 8 and then a 10 in a row (sat/sun basically). there is a plan associated with this school of thought but the plan involves running 6x a week which ummm...kind of turns me off. people say that it trains you for the "final 16 miles" by really leaning into cumulative fatigue (bc you're running so many miles per week & have only 1 rest day). idk i see the appeal particularly because the nyc marathon course is sooo hilly, and i'm afraid of the hills at the end particularly. people on reddit are like: THE PROFESSIONALS TRAIN NOT FOR THE BRIDGES BUT 5TH AVE. idk none of this is that deep bc i'll be lucky if i finish in 6 hours but i don'tttt know. i don't want to unnecessarily beat up my delicate corporeal form
wish i could take a bath