💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 2196 captured on 2024-12-17 at 18:49:49. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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i've heard it said that
good writers
tend to be alone
hopefully that's true
as i
inadvertantly
find myself
completely
alone
isolated
cut off
for most days from most intimate interactions
sure there's the occasional banter with strangers
BUT
no real connections with people i know
and care about
so i write
and try and send messages out to the ether
make some sort of invisible connection
accross phone and fiber optic lines
type into the void
and maybe feel
as if i am not the void
but damn
it does get lonely
i went from a flurry of social activity years ago
to being the bearded hermit up the mountainside
some was self-imposed
after she died i didn't want to be around anyone
but now i crave the social interaction
and i'm in a place where i know very few people
and mired in obligations that make it hard to
it's tough
what with the dui requirements of doing twice
a day breathalizer tests
it's been grueling to go it alone
i AM hopeful though
i just can't wait to get back to a place where
i can have fellowship with others and participate in a larger community
not feel so damn adrift and alone
i know it's coming
but, for now,
at least i'm returning to writing everyday
and seriously getting back
into wanting to write for a living
so...
there's always a silver-lining
you just have to find it
AND
keep howling
gemini://wolfinthewoods.pollux.casa/
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+1 (irony) for the loneliness in writing thing. I am alone a lot, but I DO choose to be alone in my apartment, not have a room mate, partner, or even dog, as other living things in my residence drives me literally insane. I avoided living with partners and (re)adopting a dog for this reason. I won't even care for an herb garden (though would care for some herb) ;)
I volunteer at clubhouse, cooking lunch and breakfast on days they have it, and it's socially satisfying, but when I am at home I am most at peace, and can just let my thoughts flow and muster until I have been at it too long and need to interrupt the inner monologue.
I am lucky for this, for clubhouse, as I was 100% (unavoidably) alone in STL. I had a couple friends to chat with a couple times a week, but that meant drinking, as they were uncomfortable hanging with other who WEREN'T drinking, as they both drank daily. I no longer drink, and I am glad for that.
The writing happens for my own longterm pleasure/requirement. I've done this (wrote a lot, daily) since age 8, and nary took a year or two away at times in my life. 2023 saw almost no writing from me, or early 2024. The loneliness is temporary and voluntary these days, and I am ok with both (company and loneliness) though I consider the latter solitude now, as I effectively don't NEED/WANT people around when I don't have people around. Hell, I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb and don't even reply to some e-mails on purpose, just to avoid the hassle. And also to avoid emotional burden. I need/want total quiet and darkness and calm in my home as much as possible. Unless I turn on a song or a video, I need not hear anything other than a fan, AC unit or crickets.
so it is..
> so i write
I'm glad you do.
> type into the void
Funny you should say that, because just this morning I learned of this "place":
https://void.si3t.ch/
I even wrote a quicky script literally named 'void' containing this:
elinks https://void.si3t.ch/
to jump there quickly. It'll likely be just yet another online disappointment, but, you know, try, try again....
> and maybe feel > > as if i am not the void > > but damn > > it does get lonely
Individuality is the loneliness knob set to 11...000000.
> it's been grueling to go it alone > > i AM hopeful though > > i just can't wait to get back to a place where > > i can have fellowship with others and participate in a > larger community > > not feel so damn adrift and alone
Unfortunately, the flip side of loneliness is rife with other kinds of trouble. So from my point of view, the solution is a deeper dive. But I think the details vary depending on the details of one's "individuality concept", so to speak - aka who/what you think you are.
But a lot of others have recorded their journey's, so I think it's just a matter of trying them until one feels/fits "just right".