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⬅️ Previous capture (2024-08-25)
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author: alienskeptical
more of a “heavy topic” post but — how should one circulate the theme of their own trauma? I feel like it’s the only thing that’s actually *mine*, mine as in “no on experienced this as me” — I both feel egocentric and good by keeping it to myself, but talking about what happened to people should also help — it also comes back to me whenever I’m feeling good again. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it still hurts to this day. It’s been 6 years. — I just hope I can find it in me to open up.. its getting frustrating
the focus of several of this semester’s classes has me going insane. I’m starting to understand why this university is one of the top at my country — everything is for companies! Whatever you study, it’s going to be focused on Money and Gain and never trying to make the world a better place. I also want all the engineers OUT of my classes, please..
second semester of uni started!!! — I wish I wasn’t a girl anymore, nor a guy, but a weird fucked up third thing — someone lended me a book and it’s been a blast reading it! I just wish I wasn’t thinking about it so much — I currently believe we all need a collective ego death for all humanity, and maybe things will be better — ah, I’m just so tired today.. excited to be back at uni, but tired..
Tomorrow I’m leaving the beach!! It was really fun to reconnect with my family and spend some time away — I read an entire book in one sitting too! I’m existing at the “regaining passion” phase of my burnout but I think I’ll be alright, soon — also, really tired and in need to write down all the patterns I enjoy
hello everyone ! I’m luckily alive (again) and enjoying vacation!! — I started questioning many things, but I feel like it’ll be okay in time — reading saved me from downing — sorry for all the cryptic posting, I really enjoy writing this way — someone fell in love with me and I still don’t know how to react? It’s confusing.. anyways, I hope everyone is doing swell today! ~👽
finding wonderful things in the world around me, I almost died a week ago! Now I’m learning physics (the world is a strange place)
tomorrow, I have my last exam of the semester. I can’t sleep, but I’ll try anyways. I’m tired, nervous and, weirdly, really excited for these next weeks. I discovered why my friends matter so much to me, again, and I really want to get out and maybe even go to the beach, or something — like a well deserved rest from these intense months — also, preparing my second semester will be fun! Taking classes and planning ahead might make the experience less stressing.. I don’t have much else to log, but I hope everyone is doing okay — and thanks for the replies on the last logs! I love to read what you have to say — 🛰️
It’s so discouraging to constantly shift between being optimistic and joyful, to just falling into the same melancholy all over again. There’s some sort of inherent sadness that comes with each one of the paths I take in life — as if I was losing something every time — as if I wasn’t enough for something “bigger” — self discovery is fun until you find something you weren’t supposed to., -🔭
I was going to post something depressing about patterns and grief, but I ate some food and now the world feels less dull. Who would’ve thought that giving your body the energy it needs makes oneself feel better! Amazing discovery of today ~🪐
hello everyone!! not a daily log posting but a question — what do you think about the commercialism of science? had some sort of talk in uni about this person’s company, and their biology-relevant project. My problem with this is, not only did the person completely ignore the work of those under his company (mostly underpaid students that just graduated, of course) and took the credit for THEIR job, but the way they described the project felt… corporative. No concern about the ecological impact of their company, completely avoiding questions regarding the probable dangers of modified products, etc. my question comes from a place of “is this how things *have* to be?”
stressed out !!!!!!!!! The interrogation was so hard, and I’m seriously considering to take this class next semester — planning how my weeks will be in around a month is one of my biggest motivations rn — got obsessed with horror media again — I want to write but I haven’t had the motivation lately, maybe joining a contest might help — just a few more weeks until break, I can do this 👽
Today was a good one , I had some friends over and we had tea, and studied together ofc! — I’m actually so ready for the next semester at uni, and I’m trying to get more things to look forward to — lately, the thoughts of deep connections, of intellectualism, of, again, the same overarching patterns that seem to shape my life have been stronger than ever.. why is that? — I want to write again, my own stories, but I feel blocked. I need to read, and come back to my pen and paper after — have a great week, everyone 👽
spent most of the day studying, but I somehow feel like things are getting better? Studying shouldn’t feel like some sort of task, but, instead, a joy! It’s such a privilege to be learning what I’m learning, and I just know that, even if it’s so hard, it’s worth it 👽
I believe reading is the one thing that keeps me alive. Words are kind of like water to me ; I wouldn’t be able to sustain myself if I didn’t engage with them constantly, you know? I’ve always felt like the odd one out in my social groups, but I’m starting to accept it - maybe you just have to let things come in and it’ll all work out at the end - maybe I just need to learn how to meditate so my thoughts can calm down - or maybe I just have to create, as much as positive, until my mind is finally silent, and I can rest.
studying and thinking and working and thinking and reading and thinking again and working and thinking over and over !!!! does your brain ever go quiet?? I’m starting to get tired of constantly being at a million places at once // at the same time, I feel like it’s exactly how I want to be. curious. 👽
Just went through a precalculus test. I hope university is the real path for me
[1] whatever I think about
Lately, I have found myself trapped again in whatever-that-big-tech wants me to be trapped in. It’s frustrating, but it’s also an addiction that I have to be honest with myself about. Maybe “posting” little things, just thoughts or feelings that come to me randomly can help. Maybe I just need a break from thinking everyone has expectations over me.
There’s this fear of being perceived that has begun to grow inside me. This year, I found myself lingering for love, missing more people than I expected too. More than that, I discovered that I’m scared of failing [someone]. Me. My own perception has became some sort of toxic relationship.