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Unfortunately your experience is far from unique. Whether her lawyer was actually inappropriate or anything I obviously don’t know, but the fact that it’s hard to tell is, IMO, part of the problem. What the solution is remains unclear to me...not necessarily in your case, of course, but civic education in the U.S. is often very poor.
The news doesn’t help, and legal journalism can be as problematic as science journalism.
And don’t get me started on how much damage shows like *Law and Order* do...
I've never cared for shows featuring dramatized court related crap. But I witnessed aspects of it with my own eyes in that ex-wife lawyer.
There I was, thinking I was going to be experiencing a formality, when suddenly some woman was bellowing, repeatedly pointing her index finger at me, basically performing an animated character assassination I'd never - and still haven't - seen in real life. Her somewhat big hair was flying all over the place. In the context of that display, it wouldn't have seemed unreasonable if the floor between her and where I was sitting had opened revealing the fires of hell, and I was dragged and thrown therein by bailiffs.
You don't forget something like that.
Nor have I forgotten her name.
And the judgement *was* essentially anticipated formality: assets split evenly, child support, no spousal support because we earned similar incomes.
But the hyper-dramatized behavior of that lawyer in court, matched by that of the ex- with former neighbors and friends? Absolutely, categorically vile.
It's very, *very* difficult to escape periodic "days of reckoning" fantasies....