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I've found that if you look for groups to fulfill a single need (charity work, social activities, etc) then you will often find the community you're looking for and that branches into the other needs. I've also never found the attributes you've listed to ever really be a part of religion, at least not as the primary goal. The charities I have worked with that were secular we're about the charitable act, while the religious ones were a out pushing religion via good acts. Community felt far more exclusionary, if you don't believe what we believe you're not really going to fit in here. I'd find a social club, a secular charity, some activity outside of church that allows you just to be you and you'll grow and find the community you seek.