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The role of music in my life

At this point in my life, I am playing an unprecedented amount of music. I've been in one band for over a year, am just starting rehearsals with a second, and recently subbed in for a third group whose drummer had to miss a gig. On top of (theoretically, at least) writing music of my own on the side, and occasionally attending a songwriter's club. I've never been this active, and I'm having to really think about how involved I want to be moving forward.

I'm disabled, and I don't drink. Because of these things, bars are a bit of a bad environment for me. I don't navigate them very well, and there's little in them that appeals to me (sorry, midnight.pub :P). Unfortunately, a huge part of the music scene happens in bars - and it's my least favorite part of the whole endeavour. On top of that, the anxiety of performance absolutely drives me up the wall. So, put it all together, and the actual performance part of playing in groups is hard for me to manage.

However, music has added so many positives to my life - I'm meeting more people than I have in years, people who are beautiful and inspiring and whom I appreciate endlessly. There are situations I like - I went to an outdoor symphony concert last month with a new friend that ended up being a lovely bonding experience. I played a porch festival last weekend (with the group I subbed for) that was on an outdoor patio, removing entirely the bar issue - and it was so much fun. Having a little mini kit to practice with in my apartment, and a gig to look forward to, helps make the days more bearable.

But, I can't help but wonder if there's something else that might fill this role better? I have anxiety around performance and leaving home, I struggle with dark, noisy, crowded environments, and those things are somewhat intrinsically linked to the musician experience. Would I be happier being a TTRPG nerd, for example? Would being able to have people come over to my house and play games, so that I control (to an extent) the crowd and noise and light, be more suitable to me? I'm wondering if the trade-offs of music - the anxiety, the struggles with the environment - are worth those positive moments. It's not simply a binary, it's also a question of how much - is two bands plus subbing for a third too much? I might be better served by doing it less, and making room for something else.