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From: jcp9j@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU (Jamie Plummer)
Date: Wed, 19 Jun 1996 05:32:36 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc,alt.tv.mst3k,alt.startrek.creative
Subject: MSTed: The Captain and the Doctor (1/1)
<theme.wav>
6-5-4-3-2-1
BRIDGE: The bridge is... empty.
[Commercial: As Ralph Malph and Wendy Jo Sperber cavort about, Penn Gilette
says: Here at Comedy Central, we bring the T&A to U! That's why we're proud
to announce the debut of T&A Sunday! The day of rest and worship is now a
day of skin! We'll be showing one great movie 12 times, so you can't miss
it! Up this week, it's "Stewardess School." Next week, "Zapped!"
Comedy Central. Cable's new "Gotta see, gotta have" network!"]
Four bright lights orbit the SATELLITE OF LOVE.
CROW: Being pure energy is cool and stuff, Mike... but it's getting a bit old.
MIKE: It's not quite what I expected either. The most exciting thing we've
done so far is buzz the Freemen complex.
TOM: Do I really resemble a black helicopter? Am I putting on weight?
CROW: This whole thing bites! I still don't even get to decide who lives and
who dies... Does anyone else hear that?
GYPSY:Hear what?
CROW: That ringing.
MIKE: I don't hear anything.
TOM: I think you're losing it, goldenboy.
CROW: Maybe it's my phone... hello?
MIKE: [to TOM] What phone? We're pure energy! We don't have phones...
TOM: [to MIKE] I have NO idea.
[DEEP 13]
MRS. F: Art? Is that you?
CROW: Pearl! It's so nice to hear from you! How's life?
MRS. F: Art, I gotta tell ya, baby Clayton is a handful... and quite a diaperful, if you know what I mean.
CROW: Huh. You don't say.
MRS. F: Yeah, and anyway it's just been so crazy down here, I was hoping you could help me with something.
CROW: Sure, anything I can do...
MRS. F: Clayton keeps the rent money tucked away in a satellite up there.
Could you float or do whatever it is you do and grab it for me?
CROW: Maybe for a slice of your cob-bler!
MRS. F: You fiend! Anyway, it's in geosynchronous orbit over...
[SOL]
CROW: Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Got it! C'mon guys, let's go.
MIKE: Go where.
CROW: Run an errand for Pearl.
MIKE: I don't know about this...
GYPSY: I think I better keep an eye on things here...
TOM: Later, Gypsy!
[Crow, Tom, and Mike whiz off in a southeasterly direction. They come to a
communications satellite.]
MIKE: [reading] "Radford University Experimental..."
TOM: I've got a bad feeling about this.
CROW: Follow me, whee!
[They zip into the satellite.]
CROW: What the? There's no rent money here!
MIKE: We better get out of here...
TOM: Does anyone else feel an impending sense of doom?
MIKE: Wait, guys... there's a transmission coming up...
: From murdoch!
CROW: Mannix!
: hearst.
TOM: Muckity-muck.
: acc.Virginia.EDU!newslink.runet.edu!not-for-mail
MIKE: not-for-human-consumption
: Thu Apr 25 18:04:47 1996
CROW: [FDR] A date that will live in infamy!
: Xref: murdoch alt.startrek.creative:36196
: Path: murdoch!hearst.acc.Virginia.EDU!newslink.runet.edu!not-for-mail
: From: sratliff@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
ALL: AAAAGH!
MIKE: Crow, what were you thinking?
CROW: Surely this isn't Pearl's doing!
: Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
: Subject: TNG The Captain and the Doctor
: Date: 25 Apr 1996 18:40:01 GMT
: Organization: Radford University
: Lines: 467
TOM: This won't be too bad, we can make it through 467 lines, right guys..?
CROW: Don't count on it.
: Message-ID: <4logu1$428@newslink.runet.edu>
: NNTP-Posting-Host: europa.sunlab.cs.runet.edu
: X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]
: Star Trek
: The Next Generation
MIKE: The Next Next Generation...
: The Captain and the Doctor
TOM: Brace yourselves...
: A Marrissa Story
: By Stephen Ratliff
MIKE: C'mon guys, we can make it!
: Prologue
: The Enterprise-E was just days from launch when Captain Jean-Luc
: Picard convened the status meeting. Lieutenant Commander Worf had
: arrived from Deep Space Nine, per the Captain's request to serve as
CROW: ... a sweeps week stunt.
: Chief of Security for the first mission of the new Enterprise. After
: the mission he would of course be returning to Deep Space Nine.
MIKE: They need him to fight the Arbitron High Council.
: Lieutenant Commander Data and Lieutenant Commander LaForge had been
: working out the problems on the new Enterprise for nearly a month.
: The rest of the crew, Captain included, had been using some of
: their accumulated shore leave.
CROW: ... to gather information and expereince exotic diseases.
: Counselor Troi was just back from
: Betazed, where she had been fending off her mothers attempts at
: matchmaking.
TOM: She retaliated by setting up her mothers with Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan.
: Commander Riker had just returned from Risa. Lieutenant
: Marrissa Picard had just returned from a school in the former United
: States where she had been recruiting for Starfleet.
MIKE: Wait a minute, wasn't she a Captain-cum-Princess in that last story
we read?
TOM: Maybe this is a Ratliff prequel?
MIKE: Oh, so this story will help put the later "Marissa Storys" in context,
and enhance our understanding of and empathy for the protagonist?
TOM: Don't count on it.
: Doctor Beverly
: Crusher had spent the last month, according to the Counselor in a small
: village away from it all. Captain Picard had spent the time in his
: hometown, settling the affairs at his families vineyard.
TOM: "Families?"
CROW: You know those French, with their quasi-legal mistresses and what-not.
: The observation lounge of the Enterprise-E was different than
: the one on the D. The dimensions where about the same, however, instead
: of tan it was a blue-gray color. Along the inside walls, there were six
: spaces for paintings.
TOM: I feel like I'm really there!
: The first five where of the most famous crews of
: each Enterprise. The last was covered, as Captain Picard was still
: waiting for the final staff assignments before he completed it.
MIKE: The suspense is ... somewhat palpable.
: The table in the center of the room around which the crew was
: arranged was shaped like the one on the D, but that was all that was
: alike. The table top was of a navy blue tinted glass, where the old had
: been black. The sides where edged in a six inch strip of oak. The
: supports which on the D had been granite, where of the same oak as the
: edging.
CROW: And whereof the oak of the first part dropped the acron of the
second part...
: The people sitting around the table had not changed much
: however. Captain Picard was still at the head, ready to receive the
: opinions of his crew. Commander Riker was still at his left, ready,
: willing and able to assist.
CROW: Nose as brown as ever.
: Lieutenant Commander Data had changed a
: bit, his face now boasted signs of his new emotions chip, in the form of
: a smile that graced his face. Next in line was Lieutenant Commander Worf,
: now in red. At the end of the table sat the newest edition to the
: Command Crew, Lieutenant Marrissa Picard,
TOM: It's Marissa '95!
CROW: It's the premium foil-cover gold-plated Marissa #0!
MIKE: With more dandruff protection!
: Chief CONN officer.
CROW: [eerie falsetto] Knew your father, I did!
: Her hair
: was pulled back in her usual ponytail, the quickest way she could fix
: her long blond hair on a bad hair day. Beginning the run back up the
: other side was Lieutenant Commander LaForge,
MIKE: entering the second leg of the Rigel Marathon.
: scanning his PADDs full of
: updates on the new ship. Next was the Ship's Counselor, Commander
: Deanna Troi, in full uniform projecting an image of peace.
CROW: Which isn't hard when you're as vapid as she is!
: Back next to
: the Captain, the Doctor sat. A smile graced the lips of the red haired
: sprite, Doctor Beverly Crusher had something up her sleeve.
TOM: [Bullwinkle] Presto!
: "Lets get down to business, Ladies and Gentlemen," Captain
: Picard said. "Commander Riker, crew status?"
: "All those who are scheduled to arrive before our mission have
: arrived," Commander Riker reported. "All crew members are back from
: shore leave."
: "Doctor, crew health?" Picard asked.
: "The only problem we've encountered is a rash caused by the new
: bed padding," Doctor Crusher replied.
CROW: [Crusher] It seems I always get a strange rash from your bedding,
Jean-Luc.
: "I've asked Commander LaForge to
: see about getting some of the old padding."
: "Commander?"
: "Star Fleet informs me that the old padding type will arrive
: within the hour," Commander LaForge replied.
: "Thank you Commander," Doctor Picard replied.
: "Now Commander LaForge, you promised me a fully operational
: starship in two weeks, I gave you a month, so is my ship ready?" Captain
: Picard asked.
TOM: Okay, let me get this straight. In 400 years, we'll be able to break
the known laws of physics on a weekly basis, but we haven't
discovered the answer to bed-rash?
MIKE: Apparently so...
: "Fortunately, yes Captain," LaForge replied smiling. "If she
: performs like she tests the Enterprise will go Warp 10 and stop on a
: dime."
: "Query Geordi, stop on a dime?" Data asked.
: "Old Earth expression meaning to stop quickly," LaForge
: replied.
CROW: [LaForge] You see, Data, in the Great Bird's future, man has moved
beyond the dismal science, to a world where everyone is inherently
good and dares not question the utopian order.
: "Oh, to end, to halt, to come to a stand still ..."
: "That's enough Data," Picard interrupted.
: "Have I been babbling again?" Data asked.
: "Yes, but it's nice to know something's don't change," Commander
: Riker replied.
: "Speaking of change, the Doctor and I have an announcement,"
: Captain Picard said, as he took the Doctor's hand. "Beverly has
MIKE: ... Depends. And she can change herself.
: accepted my proposal, as soon as we can find another Captain we will be
: getting married."
: "Congratulations, Captain, Beverly," Counselor Troi replied,
: bubbling over.
TOM: Sickbay! Get a lid to the Observation Lounge! The Betazoid is simmering!
CROW: And, for God's sake, don't forget the lemon curry!
: "Congratulations, Captain, Doctor," Commander Riker said. "When
: did this come about."
: "Will, I guess I did a better job hiding my affections than I
: thought," Captain Picard replied.
: "No, not really Captain, I need to know the date of your
: proposal so I can award the Crew Betting pool on the subject," Commander
: Riker said.
: "Two days ago, Commander," Captain Picard replied, then getting
: stern he continued, "And how long has this pool been going on, and how
: much is in it?"
: "The first entry is for Stardate 43057, by Nurse Ogawa," Riker
: replied.
MIKE: That doesn't make any sense! Crusher would have just been returning
from her season off-ship!
CROW: Fanboy.
: "The current pot is 5768 credits. Mister Data, I believe you
: know who our winner is."
JOEL: [Art Fern] Mmm-hmm, that's good pot, mm-hmm!
TOM: What the? Where did that come from?
MIKE: I don't do that impression, so I used this old .wav.
TOM: Oh...
: "Lieutenant Marrissa Picard has Stardate 48570, Commander," Data
: replied.
: "Marrissa, what did I tell you about gambling?" Captain Picard
: replied.
: "Dad, I only bought one date," Marrissa replied.
CROW: [Marissa] I took a paid escort to the Kids' Crew Prom! There! I said it!
: "And I won the
: credit at the poker game you brought me too."
: "Well, if that's the case, I guess I can let it go," Captain
: Picard said. "Now if you don't mind, the Doctor and I have some things
: we need to attend too." The Doctor and the Captain left the room.
: "So, Marrissa how did you guess that date," Riker asked. "After
: all you bought the date six months ago."
: "Observation and prediction, Commander, nothing more," Marrissa
: replied smiling.
: "Observation, Lieutenant?" Commander Riker inquired.
: "Observation," Marrissa stated firmly, not willing to elaborate
: more anywhere other than her Personal Logs.
TOM: Where she detailed the the chemical composition of the hypnotic drugs
she slipped in her father's synthahol. Compounds that Marissa, a
budding alchemist, had cooked up in her spare time.
: Chapter One
: The First Indication
CROW: The first indication this will be painful. We've only made throught the
prologue!
: Marrissa had just gotten back from the Maine with her new
: Ensign's pip
TOM: "pip"... Grate Expectations?
CROW: I think you mean GREAT Expectations.
TOM: No, no... Grate Expectations, by the Charles Dickens, the well-known
Dutch author.
MIKE: Will you two cut that out?!
: when she first encountered it. While she and the Captain,
: her new adoptive father had settled in to the remodeled quarters,
: Marrissa had been surprised when the Doctor stopped by.
: "Just checking to see if you and Marrissa are settling in," the
: Doctor had said.
: "I think we are getting on fine," the Captain had replied.
: "We still on for our usual breakfast?" the Doctor inquired.
: "I don't see any reason why not," her adoptive father replied.
TOM: So Beverly and Marissa are sisters now?
: It had seemed innocent enough, a regular breakfast between two
: Star Fleet Officers, discussing the crew, the days events, the usual for
: such morning meetings.
CROW: Until somebody DIES!
TOM: Why don't they look?
: But Marrissa quickly noticed something as she
: ate her toast with strawberry jam and drank her strawberry juice.
MIKE: Strawberry jam is made of PEOPLE!
: There
: was a undercurrent of tension, of something they where trying to hold
: back.
: Marrissa excused herself,
CROW: Marissa had the vapors.
: and left early for class. All the
: while puzzling, what was going on between her father, the Captain and
: the Doctor?
TOM: After the girls went to the gym to watch a film, the pieces began
to fall in place.
: The next day she stayed longer, her class that day beginning
: much later.
MIKE: Besides, it's not like she hadn't skipped English before.
: When the Doctor and the Captain left she noticed their
: exiting comments, "Good day Jean-Luc," and "I'll see you on the Bridge
: later, I hope Beverly." Marrissa then figured they were just friends.
: Or perhaps she was just seeing a stage in the relationship, a stage
: which would change to something different.
MIKE: Marissa picked up on these things easily, being a regular reader of
"Ask Beth."
: She went back to studying,
: this was a puzzle she had plenty of time to study, after all Captain
: Jean-Luc Picard was her father now.
TOM: Marissa had no qualms about interfering in the life of the man who
had adopted her for no discernable reason.
: Later in that week, Commander Riker assigned her as Alpha Shift
: CONN Officer for a weeks trial.
MIKE: Her week-long shift continued until her fifteenth birthday as Judge
Lance Riker lost all control of the proceedings.
: Ensign Picard, as she was referred to
: on the bridge had a new field to observe the Captain and the Doctor.
MIKE: Their interracial affair bloomed in front of millions as they worked
tirelessly to convict the football star.
CROW: Mike, buddy! Snap out of it!
MIKE: Sorry...
: She noted that when the Doctor was expected to stay in Sickbay
: and their was nothing interesting going on, the Captain spent most of
: Alpha shift in his Ready Room. However, the moment the Doctor arrived
: the Captain was on the Bridge, ready to chat, to hear what ever the
: Doctor had to say. Even occasional retreat back to the Ready Room for a
: more intimate chat.
TOM: The holodeck's Camp David program was another popular getaway.
: Maybe they where better friends that she thought, the Captain
: and the Doctor.
: After a month the Captain and the Doctor came in to conflict as
: two officers in their positions often do.
ALL: [Trek fight music] o/~ Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah DAH-dah-da-da-da o/~
: The Doctor had beamed down to
: assist some injured villagers on some nameless planet
CROW: Ratliff's getting lazy.
TOM: Nothing to complain about. Just be glad we were spared the planet's
royal genealogy.
: when Data noted
: that the dam upstream was about to burst. The Doctor would not leave
: until the last of her patients were safely away.
: When the Doctor had returned, she reported to the Captain in his
: quarters, Marrissa listening at the door.
: "Doctor, I do not want to see nor hear of you pulling such a
: delaying tactic again," the Captain lectured.
MIKE: [Picard] Starfleet declared the Hippocratic Oath treasonous decades ago!
: "Captain, do not tell me how to do my job and I will not tell
: you how to do yours," was the Doctors angry reply.
CROW: There had been yet another transporter accident, and there were now
five Doctor Crushers on board.
: The Captain paused ... and thought for a moment. ""You were
: only doing you job," he conceded. "But you could have been killed ...
: you only got out of there with a minute to spare."
: "How come you except a minute to spare from Geordi, Data, and
: Worf," the Doctor replied. "But can't grant that to me, I'm just doing
: my job, just like them."
: "Perhaps it's because I care," was the Captain's response,
TOM: [Picard] You think I give Bajoran rat's ass about that collection of
microchips?! Or Kunta and his hi-fi goggles?!
: as Marrissa withdrew into her room. There were times to leave the Captain
: and the Doctor alone.
: Marrissa considered the Doctor with care, after all if this
: relationship was going where she thought it was, the Doctor would be her
: mother to be.
MIKE: Someday, they could be engaged to be engaged!
: She considered the Doctors talents ... no former Chief of
: Starfleet Medical could be considered second rate. She considered
: calling up Wesley to ask about the Doctor as a mother, but decided that
: could wait. The Captain and the Doctor weren't going that fast.
: Chapter Two
: The Fire is Lit.
CROW: Fire in the Hole!
TOM: Ratliff Romance at 12 o'clock! Take cover!
: Marrissa figured she'd grow up on the Enterprise-D, but, alas it
: was not fated to be. The Enterprise-D crashed and burned, like her
: cousin Rene, and Uncle Robert, just a week before.
MIKE: Marissa's family was on MADD's "naughty" list.
: That crash, no those deaths in France, that was what changed the
: relationship between the Captain and the Doctor. Marrissa had seen the
: tears in his eyes when he had learnt that Robert was dead with his son
: Rene. She knew the tears she saw when the Captain found the remains of
: the Enterprise-D where not for the ship, not even for the late Captain
: Kirk. No the tears where for Rene, the last male Picard. She knew that
: her company gave him solace, that at least until she married, there
: would be another Picard, even though she carried none of his blood.
CROW: What the hell is he talking about?
MIKE: You don't want to know. You'd have to read the "Compleat Marissa Storys"
and watch the seventh season of TNG.
: But Marrissa knew better by the time they arrived in France to
: settle Robert's affairs. The Captain needed more than she could
: provide. He needed the Doctor. She decided to talk to the Counselor.
TOM: [Marissa] I'll get my OWN Ph. D. tomorrow! He won't need that wench
anymore.
: Marrissa caught up with Counselor Troi at Starfleet Command, just
: outside the Academy. "Counselor, a word if you will," Marrissa hailed.
MIKE: Marissa's not an expert Password player, is she?
TOM: She's no Betty White, that's for sure.
: "Certainly, Marrissa," Deanna Troi replied. "You know Marrissa,
: you are picking up your father's manner of speaking."
TOM: And you're picking up every Klingon who'll give you the time of day.
: "I take that as a compliment," Marrissa replied. "Just as long
: as I haven't caught that English accent of his. A Frenchman with an
: English accent."
: "That is a little odd," Troi conceded. "Now what did you want
: to talk about."
MIKE: Oh, for fun! Ratliff is needling TNG foibles!
: "The relationship between the Captain and the Doctor," Marrissa
: said. "You know more about it than I do. After all I've only been his
: daughter for a little less than a year."
: "Your father has always had an attraction to Beverly," Troi
: began. "The doctor has had an attraction at least since she returned
: from her turn as Head of Star Fleet Medical."
CROW: [Troi] But I gave him this cream...
: "I know that," Marrissa replied. "I want to know why it hasn't
: gone anywhere."
CROW: [Troi] That would be the ibuprofen...
: "Doctor Crusher has been waiting for the Captain's first move,"
: Deanna Troi noted. "As for the Captain, I think their are many reasons.
: For instance his reluctance to have attachments with those under his
: command..."
: "...due to the fact that such attachments may effect his
: judgment," Marrissa finished. "I've encountered that one. It's why he
: said he didn't want me to get my Ensigns pip. I'll probably have to do
: something spectacular to get my full lieutenancy."
MIKE: Like save the world - again.
: "Then their is the fact that he doesn't want to risk their
: friendship," Troi pointed out. "Its not an uncommon excuse."
: "Yes, but something better happen soon," Marrissa responded.
: "Dad's depressed, the death of his brother and nephew Rene hit him hard.
: He spends most of his time up in the attic, looking though the old junk,
: crying.
CROW: Trying on Victorian dresses and frightening the crew...
: He needs to get out, get involved. Kinda like you got me into
: getting the Kid's Crew in shape and fully organized after my parents
: death. Only their is no ship for to keep Dad busy."
TOM: Perhaps he could teach his Counselor and daughter second grade grammar.
MIKE: Do they not have AIRS in the 24th Century?
: "So you think that getting him interested in the Doctor may do
: the trick," Troi concluded. "Not a bad idea, and they have wanted the
: relationship for quite some time. If anything now is the best time we
: could hope. Say Marrissa do you need a new dress?"
ALL: "Marissa do you need a new dress?"
: "New dress, I don't own a dress," Marrissa replied, some what
: puzzled.
: "Good, so does the Doctor," Troi replied. "Ask the Captain to
: take you to Paris to get you a dress. Then around one, stop at the Cafe
: de'Amour on the Seine, get seated and then excuse yourself to go wash
: your hands.
CROW: ... because you're a DIRTY GIRL!
: Don't return, sneak out the back, I'll arrange the rest."
: "Aye, Aye, Commander," Marrissa replied.
MIKE: Geez, what kind of life lessons is the ship shrink teaching here?
: The next mourning
TOM: After even more bit players died...
: Marrissa convinced the Captain to take her
: shopping for a dress in Paris. The Captain went along, not really
: caring. They spent the morning, Marrissa unsatisfied with each dress.
MIKE: Big surprise there.
: Then around one, Marrissa suggested a break. The Captain agreed and
: soon they were at the Cafe de'Amuor.
CROW: You'd even Ratliff would know his own limits enough to not try
French without a dictionary.
: "Let's sit over there," Marrissa suggested, indicating a seat
: over looking the river. They took the seat and the waiters came to take
: there order.
: "What will you have, sir and madam," the waiter asked.
: "Tea, Earl Gray, hot," the Captain said without enthusiasm.
CROW: He was so unenthused he used the American spelling.
: Marrissa added, "some crescent rolls and I'll have your herbal
: tea." Then noticing the approaching Counselor, she excused herself
: saying,
TOM:[waiter] I didn't ask you for an order, you English pig-dog!
: "Excuse me, can you show me to your restroom?"
: "Most certainly, Madam," the waiter replied.
MIKE: Paris?
CROW: That cafe'!
TOM: What was that captain's name?
ALL: JEAN-LUC!
: As she left the table, the Counselor and the Doctor entered the
: Cafe de'Amuor. The Doctor was saying, "Deanna, why did you insist on me
: wearing this dress?"
CROW: [Crusher] And where the hell did you come from? You weren't in this
scene!
: "Beverly, this is Paris, you're off duty, and the uniform looks
: out of place," Deanna Troi replied. At that, the Counselor's
: communicator chirped. She tapped it and said, "Commander Deanna Troi,
: here."
: "Counselor, Admiral Necheyev needs to see you right away,"
: Commander Riker's voice replied.
: "I'll be right there, Troi out," Deanna replied. "Sorry
: Beverly, Necheyev wants my opinion on yet another ex-Enterprise officer.
: But, I see the Captain over there, why don't you join him for lunch."
CROW: Don't call me, I'll call you.
: Across the room, Marrissa noticed with satisfaction the Doctor's
: arrival, and turned to the waiter. "Sir, I'll be leaving now, give the
: herbal tea to that red headed lady that just joined my father," Marrissa
: said. Then taking some paper out of her purse, she continued, "When
: they leave, hand them these. Oh and charge their bill to Lieutenant
: Marrissa Picard, Star Fleet, San Francisco."
MIKE: I guess she did something spectacular after all. She made Lieutenant.
TOM: Yeah, and she's got her own Starfleet Express card, too.
: Doctor Crusher, meanwhile, joined the Captain, "Is this seat
: taken, Jean-Luc," she asked.
: The Captain noticeably brightened.
MIKE: He was still carrying ambient radiation from that weird dream sequence
in Generations.
: "No, Beverly, it is not, but
: Marrissa was here some where."
: The waiter returned, setting the tea, herbal and earl gray, in
: front of them. The doctor turned toward the waiter, thinking to order
: some tea, when she realized it was already there. She began to suspect
: something was up. "And what will you have to eat," the waiter asked.
MIKE: Romulan crepes.
CROW: A Klingon croissant.
TOM: Grog.
: The Captain and the Doctor ordered lunch, and sat back to enjoy
: the meal. The talk wandered from topic to topic, as such conversations
: often do, until they realized it was late afternoon. Marrissa had never
: returned, having left out the back.
TOM: They celebrated the welcome turn of events with Booze.
: "Beverly, would you care to join me for dinner?" Jean-Luc asked.
CROW: In the future, people do nothing but eat and fight spatial anamolies
and treknology glitches... yet they never gain a pound!
: "Certainly, Jean-Luc, but I think we've been set up," the Doctor
: replied.
: "Waiter, check,
MIKE: [Picard] Have we been set up?
: " the Captain asked. When it was
: delivered, with a couple of tickets, he read it. "I know we have." He
: read the bill. "Bill charged to Lieutenant Marrissa Picard, Star Fleet, San
: Francisco. And apparently, she's treating us to King Lear."
: "Well I don't see anyway I'm passing up good drama," the Doctor
: replied.
: "I certainly don't want to miss a Royal Shakespearean production
: of a work of Shakespeare," the Captain replied.
MIKE: It's so rare they do a Shakespeare play. They've quite taken to Klingon
opera.
: "Marrissa set us up good," the Doctor commented, laughing
: "Oh yes, but is she ready for the consequences?" the Captain
: rejoined.
TOM: *sigh* anyone else get the feeling Ratliff's put his WordPerfect
thesaurus to good use on this one?
: They spent a long evening at first the dinner then at the late
: night play. The Captain returned to the vineyard late that night,
CROW: To get some real booze to wash away his troubles. None of that
synthahol stuff.
: promising another such date the next day. Looking in on his daughter,
: before going to bed, thinking. I wonder if she knew what she was
: starting.
: The next morning at breakfast, Marrissa chatted happily, "Dad,
: Star Fleet wants me to do some recruiting for them. Apparently the
: number of humans applying to Star Fleet is down."
: "Nothing off planet, I hope," the Captain responded.
MIKE: [Picard] Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.
: "No, most of the High Schools are in the former United States,"
MIKE: Oh! That's .... great, honey. heh.
: Marrissa responded. "Its a little funny though, I'll be recruiting
: people to join Star Fleet that are 4 to 6 years older than me."
: "That is strange, but then again you are the youngest Lieutenant
: in Star Fleet," her father concluded.
TOM: Those Sherlodeck programs sure paid off. His powers of deduction are
amazing.
: "Just be home in time for dinner.
: Its going to be awful lonely here"
: "I will," Marrissa responded, smiling. "I'm sure you'll find
: something to relieve the boredom."
: So the next few weeks progressed with a knowing growing warmth,
: the Captain and Doctor spending more and more time with each other.
: Marrissa checked in, every once in a while.
MIKE: The Annoying Brat Union Local 1701st bylaws say she only needs to
punch in 12 hours a week.
: Her bright young face was a
: smile from ear to ear, at the success her plan had made.
: Within a month, the Doctor was
CROW: ... treating herself for that starnge bedrash again.
: staying at the Picard home. As
: Marrissa suspected the time was drawing near, she contacted, Commander
: LaForge and suggested some tests he should run on the new Enterprise.
: The Commander was impressed with her idea, and called the Captain.
TOM: [LaForge] Your daughter said you wanted 10 Forward converted into
her throne room. Are those your orders, sir?
: The next night at dinner, the Captain asked, "Marrissa, if
: you're done with that recruiting tour that Star Fleet had you on,
: Commander LaForge would like your assistance in running some tests on
: the impluse engines."
: "Today was my last, Cave Spring High in Roanoke, Virginia,"
MIKE: Guys, I think I'm going to sick.
TOM: Cave Spring High? I wonder if that's near 123 American Way....
I need some Ray Stevens videos and a Genuine Leather-style
WWII-type "Bombers" Jacket (tm).
: Marrissa replied. "So I'm free to go where ever I'm needed."
CROW: [Picard] This may sound strange to you, but the tests are in a gulag
in the former Siberia. You'll enjoy it up there, I take it.
: "Good, a shuttle will pick you up tomorrow," the Captain
: concluded, smiling at the Doctor.
: As Marrissa prepared to enter the shuttle the next day, the
: Captain pulled her aside. "Marrissa," he said.
: "Yes, Dad," she replied.
: "Before you go, I must ask, is it all right with you if I marry
: the Doctor?" the Captain asked.
MIKE: Wait a min.. oh, forget it.
CROW: aaaaahhh..
TOM: I won't forget it! What the hell is this? This makes no sense. Why is he
asking this brat 14-year-old kid permission to marry? Where did
this Marissa come from? All of the sudden we're supposed to believe
that some kid from yet another inane episode as somehow become so
important that the Captain of the friggin' flagship of Starfleet
can't even pick his nose without her say-so??! I won't stand for it
anymore! I won't, I won't, I won't!
: "Of course," Marrissa replied. "I've been expecting it for some
: time."
MIKE: Calm down there, buddy... we gotta go take a break anyway.
: The Captain discounted it, but Marrissa knew that if it wasn't
: for her push, the Captain and the Doctor wouldn't be about to become
: Captain and Doctor Picard.
[BRIDGE]
MIKE: You okay, Servo buddy?
TOM: [sobbing] Yeah, I guess so. I just reached my breaking point, is all.
CROW: We all knew this scene was coming up.
TOM: It just caught me off guard. I mean, what has the "plot" been
so far? Marissa sees them eating breakfast, so she sends them to a
play. We jump forward. Picard's asking Marissa [sob] permission to
marry, and we're told it never would have come to be without Marissa!
This story isn't about love, it isn't about courtship! It's about
some CS student's bizarre obsession with a prepubescent power trip!
It's completely illogical, there is no discernable story arc, and it
is disturbingly warped.
MIKE: And...?
CROW: I don't get your point.
TOM: What do you mean you don't get my point?
MIKE: It's a Ratliff story, Tom. What were you expecting? It's like complaining
that a Corman film iss cheap, or Coleman Francis incomprehensible yet
reprehensible.
CROW: Just accept it, nd roll with the flow.
TOM: I weep for you.
MIKE: Oh, look. Commercial sign.
[Ad for Star Trek 8: The Wrath of Borg. From Gramercy Pictures. Limited
release next month in New York, Los Angeles, and Podunk. Coming to
theaters near you on Stardate 7063000.]
[6-5-4-3-2-1]
: Chapter Three
: The Actual Proposal
CROW: That's the kind of title that grabs you by throat and says "This is
going to hurt. Bad."
: It took a while but eventally Marrissa managed to reconstruct
: what happened that evening ...
TOM: Marissa had trouble remembering what happened after she met Ensigns
Beam and Daniels.
: Captain Jean-Luc Picard had spent the whole afternoon making
: sure everything was ready.
MIKE: He ran his gloved fingers over every surface the green recruits polished.
: He had never proposed to anyone before and
: he wanted everything to be all right. The dining room was spotless, the
: polished brash was gleaming and on the mahogany table the families good
: silverware was arrayed. The steak dinner was set out,
TOM: attracting flies and getting cold,
: and the dessert
: tray, was waiting off to the side, covered with its silver lid.
: He was dressed in a formal tux, black with a white tie, stifling
: to say the least. The Doctor, entered, in a tight green dress, having
: been told this was a formal occasion. No one was ever more beautiful
: than Doctor Beverly Crusher, the Captain professed.
MIKE: He had founded a new church to spread the word.
: The Doctor felt
: that no man was ever as handsome as Captain Jean-Luc Picard, as he sat
: her at the table.
: The meal proceeded, as meals often do, the couple talking about
: one topic or another.
CROW: Ratliff really conveys characters' hopes and fears, their dreams and
insecurities, by the words he puts in their mouths, doesn't he?
MIKE: No.
: However the Doctor had noticed something, the
: Captain was
MIKE: ...British! The French thing was just an act.
: nervous, she'd never seen this before. The Captain had
: faced down Romulans, Cardassians, and Borg and not even flinched. This
: was unusual, something was up!
: The time came for dessert, and the Captain placed hers before
: her.
TOM:So she's a Captain now?
CROW: Maybe Picard had one of those Wilcox operations...
: Then he stood by, waiting for her to uncover it. She protested,
: claiming she ate too much already, then as the Captain insisted that
: she at least uncover it, or she'd insult the chef; she did.
MIKE: Who the? What the? Where did this guy learn his antecedents?
TOM: In America's public schools!
: Inside was a small gold band with a 24 caret
TOM: Caret? Is that like synthahol?
: diamond on a
: strawberry short cake. The Doctor turned to the Captain, down on his
: knees, and asked does this mean what I think it does?
CROW: [Crusher] They were out of Hello Kitty?!
: The Captain's
: reply, was a smile, Beverly will you marry me.
: The Doctor paused a moment,
TOM: [Crusher] Yes!...No!..Yes... What was the question?
: giving the Captain a
CROW: ...wedgie
: moment of did
: I make a fool of myself before replying, Yes, what took you so long.
MIKE: How... romantic? Sickening? What am I supposed to be feeling here?
: Epilogue
MIKE: Oh no, he's doing Quinn Martin now!
: It had been just over ten months since Marrissa pushed the
: Captain and Doctor together.
TOM: The subsequent ringing in their heads was all but gone.
: Now Marrissa was about to be given a
: reason against her actions. Doctor Beverly Picard was about to have a
: baby.
CROW: But Marissa knew WHY BABYKILLING WILL MAKE THE FEDERATION GREAT AGAIN.
: Jay Gordon, who had recently gone though that path with the birth
: of his second little sister, had warned her. Babies kept you up late
: and your parents short tempered. Marrissa had laughed him off.
CROW: In some counties, they'd have to get married now.
: Doctor Selar came out to the waiting expectant father and his
: daughter, and said "It's a girl."
MIKE: Marissa needed some external validation.
: They rushed in to the side of Beverly Picard, who was holding
: the new born little Jacqueline Marie Picard. "She's so little," Captain
: Picard commented, his large finger brushing against her cheek. Jackie's
: little hand reached out and grasped at the finger, holding tight.
TOM: So, is this a _little_ baby, or not, or...?
: Marrissa looked at her newborn sister, and said, "Hello, Little
: Sister."
: Moments later, Wesley phased into view behind Marrissa. "I see
: I'm just in time," Wes commented as little Jackie yawned.
MIKE: Wil Wheaton can't even get high Q numbers from his own family!
: "Congraduations, Mom, she looks just like you."
TOM: Wes proceeded to give a commencement address.
: "Probably because we are both tired," Doctor Picard replied.
: "I agree with that assessment Doctor," Doctor Selar replied.
: "Now Captain and Company get out,
MIKE: Captain and Company... was that a Sid & Marty Kroft show?
: for the next two weeks this Sickbay's
: mine and I won't have you keeping my patients up.
TOM: Apparently childbirth technology has regressed by a factor of seven
or so in the next few centuries.
: As the Captain left Sickbay followed by Marrissa and Wesley,
: Wesley commented, "So I have another little sister to annoy me, I hope
: she gives equal time."
MIKE: The first one only gave Dee Dee Myers.
: "Wes, do you what mean, you are hardly ever here," Marrissa
: replied.
: "There is a reason for that," Wes replied.
: "Yeah, you are too engrossed in your work," Marrissa shot back.
: "Apparently," Wesley observed, "that statement could be applied
: to you as well. After all, you do have two months accumulated shore
: leave."
: "Wes ..." Marrissa began.
: "Quiet," Captain Picard ordered. "You two do more verbal
: fencing than any two people I know."
CROW: Fencing? This back and forth is about as graceful as sumo wrestling!
: "It keeps us sharp," Wesley replied. "Besides, hitting a girl
: is bad form."
MIKE: Especially for omnipotent beings who can bend time and space to
their will.
: "Bad form, Wesley," Marrissa replied. "Or are you just
: remembering Worf's little trip to Sickbay as a result of that bat'leth
: match."
: "That's it, I'm going to the Bridge," Captain Picard replied.
: "I can't believe I gave you that full Ensigns rank," Picard indicated
: Wesley, "or made you my Chief of Security," he indicated Marrissa.
: "Momentary sanity," Marrissa replied.
: Captain Picard threw up his hands and
TOM: ... threw up his lunch. How long IS this Epilogue?
: entered the turbolift.
: When he was gone, Wesley commented, "I can't believe you said that."
: "Something wrong with my parting shot?"
: "Yeah, if I'd done that I'd never be able to return to the
: Bridge again," Wes replied.
: "You haven't lived with him for the most of the two past years,"
: Marrissa replied. "You'd be surprised what Dad puts up with."
CROW: [Marissa] My omniscience, lack of respect, complete abscence of
decency...
: "Please tell me," Wes implored.
TOM: Oh no, there's gonna be a sequel!
: --
: Stephen Ratliff Computer Science Major, Radford University.
: sratliff@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
: homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/ ___/\___
: FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative : |_| |_|
: Status of Recently Posted Stories on a.st.c. |/^|
: Introduction to alt.startrek.creative, A Guide to the Newsgroup
: "I have no Life.
CROW: Isn't that implied in the rest of the.sig?
: I have no Death."
: Kurn, ST:DS9 "Sons of Mogh" and every CS Major at RU.
: --
: Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
: sratliff@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
: homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
: Maintainer for the FAQs on alt.startrek.creative
: "Wait until you have four pips on that collar, you'll wish you'd gone
: into botany"
: - Captain Benjiman Sisko, DS9 "Rules of Engagement"
[1-2-3-4-5-6]
MIKE: Crow, look what you got us into!
TOM:What were you thinking, helping a Forrester?
CROW: Don't lay this on Pearl! I'm sure this was some kind of misunderstanding.
[DEEP 13]
MRS. F: I'm so sorry Art, but Clayton's so much trouble during my soaps, and
this was all I could think of to calm him down. He loves torture so...
Push the button, baby.
LI'L CLAY: Gah-ga!
<Pushes buuton>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright stuff. MSTing (c) Jamie Plummer. Fanfic (c) Stephen Ratliff.
Star Trek, its characters and situations (c) Paramount.
Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations (c) Best Brains,
Inc.
No infringement on any copyrights intended.
Available on the web at http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/capdoc.html
Feel free to distribute this document freely (FTP, WWW, et c.), but please
contact the author at jcp9j@virginia.edu first.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Jamie Plummer jcp9j@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! got to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
"Ask yourself if you have what it takes to be a columnist... do you have enough self-confidence so that after studying a magazine article on brain
surgery for 20 minutes, you feel comfortable giving a lecture to a thousand brain surgeons on what's wrong with their profession?" - David Brooks