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it's not something that fits in the brainparts. it's in the body parts. the boy parts. the baby parts. the arms and the legs and the fat and the tendons.
a moment of clarity. a bus stop at midnight through the fog, streetlight shining on the sidewalk. a dead zone. a cold fluorescent concrete achnosphere. whats that thing called. arcology. I think it's something like that. that's all there could be. there aren't that many people here.
old tv theater black and why.
so reliant on the things that make me sad and bored.
One lesson I have not learned in my 30 years of life is how to give up on fantasies like that. I used to think I would grow out of them, but I've grown around them instead. And I think that's a better lesson to learn.
These imaginary identities are a core part of me that, while childlike, are not childish. I still have this unrealistic vision of myself in my mind - a guy who listens to A Love Supreme and understands the writing of James Joyce - but I've accepted that my reverie is just as much a part of me as anything else. And I can keep trying to grow up while holding onto that part of me.
I don't always feel like I am a father, but I have certainly done the fatherly things. I don't really feel like I should be thirty years old, but I have certainly done the thirty years of living.
I've been trying to stop waiting and start living - not in the sense of risk-taking or day-seizing, but in the sense of existing and experiencing and being present for everything that happens.
nothing is earned, everything is given. every thing is a gift.
how each part of you is a moment and they all live forever even when you're gone. how each part has parts stretching across time and space.
maybe to wait is the opposite of to exist. waiting and existing. to wait is to deny the present.
big day. only every day is the same size, really. every moment is the same size.
when it comes down to it... there's only the little bits.
livin la Vida frickin chill boys
marbles. bengal Tigers and roosters and spumoni. frosted. sanded down and clouded. not glossy. special thing you can do to marbles sometimes. Mega Marbles. 24 pack, one big and the rest small. little ones.
something that used to mean something. found an old cocacola glass bottle. thought I needed it. or no, I didn't find that. we had it in the house. that old house on music street
that big haunted house
babys asleep. she rocks. she rolls. she rules.