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03-26 The YouTube PMOer

The YouTube PMOer

The YouTube PMOer should be grouped with casual PMOers but the effects of a YouTube PMOer are so insidious that it merits a separate chapter. It can lead to the breakdown of personal self control. In one case it nearly caused a split for a No-Fap forum user.

“I was three weeks into one of my failed attempts to stop. The attempt had been triggered off by my wife's worry about my unreliable hard-ons and lack of interest. I had told her that it was not her and it was just job pressure. She said, 'I know you had handled the work pressure before but how would you feel if you were me and had to watch someone you love systematically destroying themselves?’ It was an argument that I found irresistible, hence the attempt to stop. She knows that I am not cheating - but this in a way is as worse as that (sic). The attempt ended after three weeks after a heated argument with an old friend. It did not register until years afterwards that my devious mind had deliberately triggered off the argument. I felt justly aggrieved at the time but I do not believe that it was coincidence, as I had never argued with this particular friend before, nor have I since. It was clearly the little monster at work. Anyway, I had my excuse. I desperately needed a release of orgasm and it doesn’t matter how. As it happens she was not in the mood right away and I was in an “entitlement” hurry. So I convinced myself that it is OK if I ‘restrict’ myself by avoiding a porn site and just stay this side of the ‘red line’ and watch only YouTube videos. But she ‘came around’ as the night unfolded and wanted to make love. But I was tired and not with all my ‘horsepower.’ I then invented a headache. I could not bear to think of the disappointment this would cause my wife. Then gradually I returned to the old ways, only YouTube became my new harem destination. I remember being quite pleased at the time. I thought, 'well, at least it is cutting my consumption down;’ Eventually she accused me of continuing to ignore her in the bed. I had not realized it but she described the times I had caused an argument and stormed out of the house. At other times I had taken two hours to purchase some minor item and faked a sprain or something. I had made feeble excuses to cop out of the whole wooing her and etc. when I have a reliable online harem it is even more hard.”

The worst thing about the YouTube PMOer is that it supports the fallacy in the PMOer’s mind that he is being deprived. At the same time, it causes a major loss of self-respect; an otherwise honest person may force himself to deceive his loved one. It has probably happened or is still happening to you in some form.

It happened to me several times. Have you ever watched the TV detective series Columbo? The theme of each episode is similar. The villain, usually a wealthy and respected businessman, has committed what he is convinced is the perfect murder and his confidence in his crime remaining undetected receives a boost when he discovers that the rather shabby and unimpressive-looking Detective Columbo is in charge of the case.

Columbo has this frustrating practice of closing the door after finishing his interrogation, having assured the suspect that he is in the clear and before the satisfied look has disappeared from the murderer's face, Columbo reappears with: “just one small point, sir, which I'm sure you can explain...” The suspect stammers and from that point on we know and he knows that Columbo will gradually wear him down. No matter how heinous the crime, from that point on my sympathies were with the murderer.

It was almost as if I were the criminal and that's exactly how those bouts made me feel. The tension of not being allowed to cross the red line to get my porn fix that I “rightly deserve because I am hard working man and why shouldn’t I when every man does it?” entitlement, click, click, clicking on videos that come close to the right one. Longing for the porn tube videos. And then finishing the deed - just a limp rub out, wondering where the pleasure was. The fear of crossing the line losing control. The relief of returning to the bed, immediately followed by the fear that she would toss around and ask for sex. As the “safe” YouTube videos started not to do it for me - desensitization and lack of novelty and the certain knowledge that sooner or later I was bound to visit my favourite online harem. The final humiliation and shame when that certainty became a fact, followed by the immediate return to chain-PMOing.

OH THE JOYS OF BEING A PMO-er!

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