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⬅️ Previous capture (2023-01-29)
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7/19/2022, tuesday
mood: ok! genuinely
weather:
time: 4:04am
(the time i'm finishing this is the next day obviously, so the 20th; but the log is about tuesday♡)
maybe putting the day of the week it is will also help make these journals feel more personal. it's something you could always look up, and it doesn't matter that much, but it does add ... something, to the context. for me at least! not that i'm *not* a neet, so the days of the week don't matter in that sense, but imo there is particular vibes of each day of the week.
any-way- this past month that i hadn't posted was bad. in the middle of it all there is this giant bruise of me being quiet everywhere, even places like this meant for just myself, because i was really going thru it this past month. i struggled with alcohol dependency, i had a huge breakdown, and i was irresponsible, impulsive. my brain really hurts from all the dumb shit i put it through. so i've been extremely indulging in being alone for while.. at least until i become normaler lol...
right now, i wake up each day to (like last month) play flight rising as a way of calming and preparing my brain for the day. i like to dress up my lair of dragons, commission art for their bios, and do my dailies. although dailies can last a bit if you use all your archeology resources as its every 10-15 minutes until you run out. same if you're working on something specific with baldwins brew. i like to browse the forums and just have brain off time while waiting.
the rest of the day i've been working on a paint by number with my partner, or immersing myself in sims 4 & other games. mainly dollhouse type things like second life, since i'm too socially drained to actually talk to anyone right now and i can explore *and* eavesdrop there. can't even play toontown lately because i'm on quests that require you to take down cog buildings with others.
i want to be doing productive things, but its understandable that i'm down after as large a breakdown as i had. ): still embarassed about it. productive even meaning making art for myself or updating my website... been feeling so lethargic and apathetic since. hoping that watching my partner play stray tomorrow and getting some laundry done makes me feel better.