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mood: content, maybe a lil anxious (but that's just my nature)
weather: 41° clear and brisk, 0% chance of rain
i thought it would be cute if i started adding my mood and weather to my journals here. i'm also a visual journaller so i always attach ascii art i've found around. it's my small way of also archiving these images and it's like adding 'stickers' to my 'diary'. in case that was ever a question!
so the past couple of days i've been pretty busy with charlie. the living room and porch are finally getting combed through and tidied. mainly we're working with a lot of Clutter and Things so when i talk about the house project we're working on ever (it's my dad's 100+ yr old beach house i have always lived in) it's mainly a lot of tidying and throwing stuff away and finding places for the rest. a good metaphor for what this is like, would be one of those puzzles you slide the pieces around in a mcdonalds playplace. we have to constantly be moving stuff around and putting things in temporary homes to finally get it where it needs to go. making actual productive headway now.
i've been talking to friends more and really trying to keep at it, since that is something i'm notoriously bad at-i go awol randomly for weeks at a time. proud of myself for doing pretty well so far and ghosting less. now i have to get my ass in gear for real, though, because i had formed a local area ball-jointed-doll group over denofangels and even made a discord for it. i've been so quiet, and it's been eating away at me! i'm in so many discords so i frequently get overwhelmed and avoid a few at a time because i'm already interacting with so much. but this is something i really want to do, and i extremely want to have doll friends and feel comfortable chatting more. maybe it's nerves or because it's me that started the group so the inherent shame i feel from being so avoidant makes me avoid more....i swear i'll change. i have to, this is ridiculous! just be yourself! lol qq
been having fun on games outside of doing things around the house. mabinogi, lost ark a LITTLE i want to play more because it's very clicky and fun because of that.... and a tiny bit of FFXIV. i resubbed, but i've only touched it once or twice so far. feels bad... this happens almost every time. so messed how i want to play the no-obligation, free games more than the one i subscribe to... agh! that's like one of the core traits of my being. the more i have to do something, the less i want to. of course it's like, this is just games so just don't sub if you don't actually want to play. but the thing is, i do! i make stuff feel like a job all on my own. it's some internal problem i have to work on because it reflects in everything aaaaa.....
made shepherds pie last night with charlie. i just helped with the potatoes and washing vegetables. he added tomato paste, rosemary and fresh parsley to the beef and it smelled amazing as it cooked. i love rosemary...
also got some soju and vodka for the first time in something like two weeks. i've been drinking a lot less lately, and less frequently too. so when i had some soju and then four shots last night, i got too drunk and had to go lay down. it WAS 2am but .. and i didn't get to do as much as i wanted because i got too drunk too fast. sad lol. going to be more reasonable and slow. dumb of ass.
over breakfast of croissants, eggs and bacon today i watched a few cool videos i thought i'd link below, another cute thing to mark my day/be interesting or whatever for my journals. it's also very 'me' since i spend a lot of time watching videos and sorta living vicariously thru them.
right now i'm going to find a snack and later i'll have more of the pie (excited♡)... and hopefully get through more content in mabi and FFXIV. also started working on a little website entrance illustration for my neocities! probably will put some more work into that.
VOGUE JAPAN: 7 Days, 7 Looks w/ Naomi Watanabe (love. her. and punyus.)
Exploring the Queer History of the Old West... Yeehaw
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