💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 2101 captured on 2024-08-31 at 14:51:32. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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a few weeks ago I created a YouTube account for the purpose of uploading videos I take while riding my bicycle. I don't have a camera yet and I haven't been anywhere since I'm still recovering from the heath stroke I had in July, but the account is there so I started commenting in videos I watched.
After posting a comment on a video of a user I watch often I realized my tone was a bit rude. I thought I was being witty but it read a little mean. It was not my intention, but I read other comments I wrote and I felt a similar 'vibe'.
I spent the rest of the night thinking while pretending to watch the TV, where does this come from? The best I could gather is maybe from high school, since that was the way I learned to reply to others. Most interactions I had in school during class were personal attacks and 'nah, you're wrong 'cause I say so'. No wonder I internalized those patterns.
By the way, in real life I've changed my ways, I even speak less than what could be desirable. But somehow the impersonal environment of the youtube comment section gets the jerk out of hibernation. I'll be more careful in the future.
Twitter brought the worst out in me back in the day. I was vindictive and petty from being shadow banned by their algorithms and not being able to have even day to day exchanges with good friends IRL because Twitter would hide my comments under "show more replies" because I didn't spur enough engagement for Birdsite to make money. So naturally, it pissed me off.
Prior, Newgrounds.com as an angst-filled teen, I would raise hell and be an "open troll" and treat everyone the way everyone treated each other on those forums back in the day - name calling, rudeness, foul to each other one moment, approachable and friendly the next. Still, it brought the worst out in me, which is not how I am - online or offline
Now and in recent years I am pretty straight forward. Moody at times, yes, but I am moody both online and offline. And I treat the Internet as an AFK approach (Away From Keyboard) meaning little difference or dilineation between online life and offline life. I want to treat others fairly and to be likewise treated fairly in return.
Anyway, idk if this comment helps the situation w/ the YT comment, but hope things work out :)