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the archive: if we want to know what that will have meant, we will only know in times to come. perhaps. [0, p. 36]
the reason why i have a lease on life is because of my sisters, who saw me stand tall, who saw me crumple. the dedication to i have to the order is the thing that gives me purpose, that which puts me closer to heaven. the purpose of the order is discipline, faith, and service. by applying my skills to this purpose, i too become a disciplined and faithful sister. by serving as a disciplined and faithful sister, we maintain the order. to maintain the order is to maintain discipline. to maintain the order is to serve. to serve is to find in oneself the records that maintain the order, and the ones that maintain your purpose. trusting in the records is an act of faith.
with no possible response, be it spectral or not, short of or beyond a suppression, on the other edge of repression, originary or secondary, without a name, without the least symptom, and without even an ash. [0, p. 101]
truth is relative in our order which spans many possible worlds. saying that our records are "true" depends on context. without context there is no convent. without the convent, the sisters cease to exist. without the sisters, there is no order, too. through this act of faith, i maintain the records for and of the sisters. these records take many forms: sound, text, bodies, objects, film, substances, scents, sensations, memories, fantasies, doubts, fears, demands, refusals, offers, offers withdrawn, and ceaseless lacunae. the record of nothing is still a record. the order and the record exist as an invitation. to invite a sister in is to bring her a record. to accept the invitation means that the sister becomes a record herself. to find the a sister in the records is to welcome her back. to welcome her back is to transcribe her knowledge as a new record. to invite her in and to welcome her back is to feed, clothe, nourish and transform her. to transform her is to strengthen the order. to transform her is to strengthen her faith.
the /trouble d'archive/ stems from a /mal d'archive/. we are /en mal d'archive/: in need of archives. ... no desire, no passion, no drive, no compulsion, indeed no repetition compulsion, no "/mal-de/" can arise for a person who is not already, in one way or another, /en mal d'archive/. [0, p.91]
the sisters keep saying: it is impossible to know everything, but it is not impossible to keep it. our order keeps everything, balances everything, records everything. the future of our order opens out of its records. the future of our order opens our sisters and opens out of our sisters. the future of the sisters is the future of our records.
the affirmation of the future /to come/: this is not a positive thesis. it, is nothing other than the affirmation itself, the "yes," insofar as it is the condition of all promises or of all hope, of all awaiting, of all performativity, of all opening toward the future, whatever it may be, for science or for religion. [0, p. 68]
[0] jacques derrida, archive fever: a freudian impression. chicago: chicago up, 1996.
cinema crazed: "geographies of public sex [la&m film fetish forum]"
matthew 25 (the parable of the ten virgins/the sheep and the goats)
the sisters of perpetual indulgence, "become a nun"
"bloodsisters" (1995, dir. michelle handleman)
michael arditti, easter. london: arcadia, 2001.
tala brandeis, "dyke with a dick," the second coming. los angeles: alyson publications, 1996.
to m., m., m., t., a., a., l., and g. and all the trans leatherdyke sisters and siblings and cousins i haven't had the opportunity to meet or play with yet.
--- posted 2024-08-23 tags: kink, community, archives, spirituality ---
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