💾 Archived View for bbs.geminispace.org › u › satch › 14211 captured on 2024-08-25 at 08:42:20. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2024-08-18)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Helpful thoughts might be appreciated. Especially pointing out blind spots I might be having. It's personal drama, though, so stay clear if you have got too much of that already.
Jan 22 · 7 months ago
🔒 Locked
🐝 november [...] · 2024-01-22 at 14:04:
If someone doesn't want to do something, especially something as trivial as showing you an unflattering photo of themself, it's really rude to keep badgering them. You were 100 percent in the wrong here just from reading your own words.
🐐 satch [OP] · 2024-01-22 at 14:08:
@november Perhaps. As I said, in hindsight, this was a very bad strategy.
🐝 november [...] · 2024-01-22 at 14:32:
What were you hoping to accomplish? When she said "no", what went through your head to make you persist?
🐐 satch [OP] · 2024-01-22 at 14:51:
@oldernow: thank you, it is true
@november I was hoping that if she showed me the photo she would realize that it wasn't so bad for me to see it and would start to let go of her aversion to me seeing unflattering photos of her (which I don't think is a useful aversion).
🐝 november [...] · 2024-01-22 at 15:06:
It might not be useful, but no still means no.
🐐 satch [OP] · 2024-01-22 at 15:45:
@november I think I have a bit of a different philosophy on this from you. 'No means no' is a great ground rule, but in my relationship we both have a responsibility to care for each other. I know I will have blind spots and places where I will not push myself on my own, and so does my girlfriend. So part of that responsibility is to push against a 'No' when it is appropriate to do so.
The lesson here is that this was not an appropriate situation for the type of pressure I tried to use.