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i can empathize with all of this, though i've resigned to distancing myself farther from communities because it's easier than trying to navigate all the complicated situations i find myself in when interacting with other folks. this obviously doesn't work, else i wouldn't periodically interact with folks here and in other spaces - be it physical or digital - but i think i'm learning how to care less about being lonely and ween myself off of wanting human connection.

not suggesting this is the route you should be taking, mind you.

i've recently started to understand my spirituality, which has helped with figuring out how to connect with things other than myself. being immersed in nature, being able to attune with the plants and trees around me is so much simpler than talking to humans. i'm struggling to put all of this into words because there are just so many words, thoughts and feelings that i've been taught to consider when interacting with someone sentient that isn't me - even now i'm worried that i'm focusing too heavily on myself and disregarding what you've said; hijacking the conversation. all of these worries just disappear when i'm in nature because i just think less. there's less things to think about because i don't /need/ to go back to my house and talk to other people - i can stay out because i have the skills to keep myself alive. just being able to admire the stars and the way the trees look different at night is enough to fill that void of lack of human connection.

i don't know, really - but it works for me.

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~zampano wrote (thread):

I appreciate the thoughts. In particular, the bit about embracing a broader sense of connection (especially as part of a spiritual practice) is excellent. Of course, I'm still searching for what my version of this practice looks like. My brain gets bored very easily, meaning that more meditative practices are often not a good fit. But that too can mean a lot of different things.