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# Dating Apps

Dating apps! Third time I've typed that. :p

So, I'm getting to that point in life where I feel like I've got myself mostly
sorted out. Got my head on straight, I know what I want out of life, I'm mostly
not suffering from chronic depression anymore, things are good. So, let's make
this even gooder.

I'm starting to pry open my romantic/sexual feelings for the first time in a
long time. I never felt comfortable with myself or happy as myself the way I do
now. There's a few fun things I've discoved over the past month or so. Sexually,
I still consider myself mostly asexual. But not completely. Demisexual is probs
a more appropriate term. I need to be exactly in the right, utterly romantic
headspace for that to work. And romantically, I'm a bit of a gentle femdom top
kinda girl? Ya know, a squishy huggable loving caring mom sorta person. Yeah.
That's the stuff.

It's a weird feeling I'm trying to explore more. Problem is, it does inherently
involve *other people*. Someone wise once said that you can't jack off your
heart. And honestly, this whole wanna-help-everyone mood is starting to seep
into other parts of my life. I trust that I have boundaries for the important
stuff, I'm not a complete doormat. But I guess I am flirting with danger here.
Like that whole librarian thing I'm still on about. It's related. It's strange.
I wouldn't call it a *fetish* moreso as just something that's emotionally and
spiritually fulfilling.

I was supposed to talk about dating apps here. I downloaded one two weeks ago.
And I'm a hit with the ladies. ;) (yeah heads up i'm mostly a sapphic. nothing
against men, sometimes they get me going, but i am inherently attracted to
femininity i think.) Like, I haven't looked in a little bit, but I probably have

	at least* two dozen right-swipes? I already started talking with one girl, and

while I'm getting the feeling it's not going to work out (she's in the closet,
also very busy, and conversation fizzled out after a few days, so eeeeh) it's
still, just, *heck*. It's possible. It's genuinely possible. I... ugh, I don't
really like the whole process of meeting new people and trying to gently poke
and prod for some common thread that breaks down the floodgates of conversation,
which is mostly why I haven't looked at it all week. But also I want cuddles
gosh dangit.

On that note, here's some dating profile pro tips. Especially for you, men. You
are all really, really awful at being even remotely appealing.

- Fill out the entire thing. *Everything*. Leave no stone unturned.
- I'm not impressed by the fact that you lift and have muscles and were on a
  yacht once. Please, actually show some personality. (i'm more into the dorky
  kinda guys anyhow so ymmv)
- Give me some conversation threads! List some things you like, your major in
  college, your favorite type of succulent plant, anything!
- And really, don't do the copy/pasted jokey profile descriptions. They're
  overdone, they tell me nothing about you besides "I'm quirky". I appreciate
  sincerity.

...okay, I guess that's not nearly as applicable as I thought it was. Lots of
personal preference. I'm a romantic kinda woman. And I'm sure a lot of others
are too, or else the romcom wouldn't be a movie genre. Maybe, *maybe*, appeal to
that.  All this ranting about men, though, is a bit silly because the women know
exactly what works.

Tangentially related, it's a common train of thought in incel forums et. all
that dating apps are heavily slanted in favor of women. something something all
women want 9s and 10s but they're 5s and 6s or other mysnogististic numbers bs.
Psst, guys. That's really not true. We're just not dating them because they're
genuinely horrible and hateful people. Some women like big guys, some like short
or chubby or skinny or etc. It's really not your appearance. ...but actually why
am i even trying to think rationally about incels? It's one of those travesties
of life, that society gave them so little community and so little room to work
with exploring their sense of self in the world that they had to resort to being
hateful and xenophobic and such. I have no idea what to do about this. Granted,
it's also not my responsibility. I just, I feel sorry for incels more than any-
thing else.

...downer note aside, another last thing i could talk about is my sona. She's
become a bit of a testbed for how I view my body. I've noticed I've recently
been drawing her larger and softer just because, honestly, I want to be larger
and softer and cuddlier and all that. Just feels right. Warm fuzzy feelings.
Am I going to take action on this? I dunno. I'm pretty dang skinny right now, so
maybe I could go up a little. Not a lot, not gonna do anything stupid. But, ugh.
Big me hugging little her. Yeeep.

I'm... gonna log off now. Gonna, just, think about this for a while.