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Publishing with a reknowned academic publisher has its comical consequences. Fawning emails with generous career opening offers now fill the inbox.
Seu artigo intitulado --------- foi convidado para ser publicado como um capítulo do livro digital ---------, que está sendo organizado e será publicado com ISBN, Conselho Editorial e DOI.
Aha, an old acquaintance! This fellow shows up every now and then with urgent offers, and generously gives me a second, a third, fourth chance every six months when I have not taken the time to reply. I should remember to ask them how much they'd pay me for letting them publish my article. It's probably a negative number.
OK, so they offer to republish my open access paper in a book, with all the presumed benefits that might entail. In case of doubt, they explain it in clear terms (except, of course, that I don't really understand Portugese very well).
Benefícios da publicação:
- Para os autores de capítulos de livros com ISBN e DOI é uma das melhores opções em nível de pontuação, possui o mesmo peso de um artigo publicado em periódico Qualis B2/B3.
Yeah, if you have to care about the prestige of how it's published (assuming that's what Qualis refers to) you'd have to be cautious with some publishers.
- Seu trabalho será avaliado na íntegra por pares, professores mestres e/ou doutores na sua área do conhecimento.
As if it wasn't already available.
- Seu trabalho será publicado como um capítulo de livro e a autoria do capítulo poderá ser adicionado como experiência no seu currículo Lattes.
Sure, but who's going to read that book? Looks like it's going to be a motley assemblage, though it does mention music in its title, so it's not one of those "sociology, science, engineering, etc" publications.
- Seu trabalho receberá a atribuição de um DOI (...), indexação que garante o armazenamento do metadata do seu trabalho na base de dados da Crossref (...) o qual garante que o seu trabalho nunca se perca na internet e aumenta significativamente o número de citações da obra.
Fine, but it's already published and so far as I recall it does have a DOI. How else did you find it? Also, its title is such a click bait that I don't worry about readers missing it!
Dear Dr. NN,
I hope this message finds you well. I'm writing to introduce you to [XY], a leading animation service designed to enhance the impact of your research. Our team specialises in transforming complex scientific concepts into captivating animations that can engage your fellow researchers, students, and the general public.
I know what you mean, brother. Back in my academic days I too used to specialise in complex scientific concepts. Nowadays I rather take the attitude that specialisation is for insects (who said that?) and animation is for those who have the patience.
Here's how our animations can benefit your work:
- Elevate the appeal of your presentations.
- Strengthen outreach efforts for funding.
- Facilitate quick peer education.
- Empower effective and engaging teaching.
- Attract investors faster.
Our team of expert animators offers a diverse range of animation styles, from 2D and 3D animation to whiteboard animations and more. Additionally, we include an outreach campaign with all our animations to help disseminate your research.
They go on to list their clientele, which includes academia, commercial enterprises, and the rest.
To explore how our animations can enhance your paper XXXX: YYYY, we offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to discuss your research objectives and any questions you have.
We eagerly anticipate the opportunity to partner with you in enhancing science communication.
These spin doctors may have glanced on the abstract of my latest publication, since they quote the paper's title. What they most likely don't know is that I have made several animations myself, though not for the sake of "enhancing the impact of my research." Making animations can be both tedious and time-consuming, at least the way I go about it. Animation professionals use other tools that speed up the process. They work in teams. They get reasonably payed, I assume. All those things set them apart from me and my work with animation.
But the irony doesn't stop with the fact that this animation service are offering their support to someone who has done animations. The paper in question, which they propose to help divulge, is not so much a standard research paper as a commentary on a performance work, with some reflections on theoretical notions introduced by my supervisor from my PhD days. It should be quite accessible reading even for people without expertise in its narrow field of research, whatever it is. I'm sure younger generations and the rest of us too are increasingly having trouble reading text, as opposed to watching videos, which is a pitty, but I don't believe a catchy animation is a substitute for the slow reflection you can engage with in written form. So much for your "effective and engaging teaching," which I doubt is very effective at all. As for "elevating the appeal of presentation", let me note again that the paper is about a performance work, which is already a multimedia presentation in and of itself. There's already video documentation of the performance, though it really should be experienced live. They also promise to attract funding and investors. Yes, I could use some of that, but to be realistic, my own documentation is likely going to be more efficient.
Dear Dr. NN,
Recognising the paramount importance of public outreach in research, I hope to discuss an exciting opportunity pertaining to your recent work.
Thank you, I'm very excited too.
[XY] collaborates with research teams to enhance public outreach through professionally produced articles featured in our bi-monthly magazine. Our goal is to engage a broader audience.
How broad an audience, and why? Do you think people have nothing more important to do than to read my research papers, or rather some diluted presentation of their content?
As we curate content for our upcoming ... edition, spotlighting ... research articles across diverse scientific disciplines, we firmly believe that your work would be a valuable addition to this publication.
You "firmly believe," on the basis of what, having skimmed through an abstract?
Are you open to exploring this opportunity for your paper, XXXX: YYYY?
Well, let's say that's why I agreed to having it published in the first place. It's available under open access, mind you.
Our proposal involves crafting an article centered around your recent paper, highlighting its pivotal aspects or exploring new dimensions of your research. [XY] guarantees extensive exposure by disseminating all content, including your article, across major social media platforms and our website, effectively reaching a substantial global audience.
See, the difference between these folks and academics is that they "craft articles" whereas in academia they write papers. We are also supposed to have read the relevant literature in our field and cite previous research in the references, which we put at the end of the paper. If this crafted article contributes something new it might qualify as research. Then, by all means, you should try to have it published in some academic journal! You don't have to ask permission to do so. I also get a funny feeling that this team of spin doctors are somehow beholden to that entity called the attention economy, or take for granted that their clientele are.
I'd be happy to discuss this opportunity further in a brief conversation, as I understand the value of your time. Please let me know if you'd like to schedule a quick call.
I'm impressed that someone I've never met understands the value of my time, since it is entirely unclear to myself. Is there a time that belongs to me, as my property, and which holds value? Could I sell it for money or trade it for gold, and would my time as a result get shortened? Or would my time somehow get transferred to the buyer? Intriguing questions that I would like to ask these PR folks. (Lakoff & Johnson might have better answers.)
Meanwhile, to explore our array of publications, and for comprehensive information on our service offerings and costs, please visit our website.
Thank you for considering this opportunity.
Best regards,
NN
Dear Dr. NN,
I am very happy to reach you and inform you about the launch of our new journal *** Scientific Science and Engineering (*SSE), and I am reaching out to invite you to contribute an article.
I can't fully anonymise this splendid title! Is there also a journal of Unscientific Science? If so, I'm eagerly interested.
After going through the abstract of your previous article entitled “XXXX: YYYY”, your next unpublished article would have the opportunity to reach a diverse audience and make a meaningful impact in the scientific community. Please share your new article for the first Issue of the journal. [...]
Wow! A meaningful impact on the scientific community. Wouldn't that be something?
Note: We also request you to join as board member for the journal based on your interest and time feasibility.
We appreciate your immediate response.
Sorry for the delay, and also for responding in this fashion on the smolnet instead of replying directly to your email. Not very often that I'm asked to hop on as a board member, though in a distant past I was one of the founders of a real journal which published real writings, mostly things we and our friends wrote. It was a fun experience, full of long and inefficient editorial meetings at the pub. We may have had some hundred readers, at most. We kept going for ten years, never caring about what the readers might want to read about, always doing it out of some kind of egoistic passion. Then, after ten years, a new editorial team took over and kicked out all of us founders, but at that point we were ready to let go of it anyway. Do you think being a bored member on your journal will be as much fun? Do I get payed per hour?
Greetings from Adv. Satellite 2024!!!
It is with great pleasure that we invite you to the "2nd Global Congress on Advanced Satellite Communications," which will be held in London, UK.
Cool. I know nothing about advanced satellites and their communications, maybe I could learn a few things about them before I show up at your conference if that's OK with you?
Your abstract titled “XXXX: YYYY” has caught our attention, and we believe your expertise would greatly enrich the discussions at our congress.
Right. Doesn't this prove that the abstract is the most important piece of writing there is? And of course I think your discussions would merit from being enriched, by any means conceivable.
In acknowledgment of your significant contributions to this field, we invite you to join us as a Distinguished Speaker.
Hey, wait a minute, which field are we speaking about? Advanced Satellites? Or is it something about my voice quality that makes me a Distinguished Speaker?
We look forward to receiving your response and are hopeful for your gracious presence at the congress in London, UK.
Regrettably, I have to inform you that my presence might not be so gracious after all. Or, to quote Derek Bailey: Have Guitar; Won't Travel.
Note: If you're interested in participating in this event with partial sponsorship, kindly get in touch with us via email.
Sincerely,
NN
Oh, you are so kind and flattering, inviting me as an Advanced Speaker to your glorious conference or whatever it was. Of course I'd be honored to sponsor your festivities not only partially, but fully, if only I weren't broke!
Dear Dr. NN,
Greetings from Adv. Physics 2024!!
We would like to invite you to be a Distinguished Speaker at the "Global Conclave on Advanced Physics; Applications and Scientific Innovations” scheduled to take place in Barcelona, Spain...
OK, now I'm pretty sure it's about my voice quality. Otherwise I think I might be able to distinguish myself from the crowd by not having a clue about advanced physics, applications, or scientific innovations. The Adv Physics also distinguish themselves as a Conclave ... that's supposedly were cardinals go to elect their next pope.
The Adv. Physics 2024 congress will bring together some of the world's leading experts in the fields of physics, chemistry and materials science. [...]
Nice. So, now you have decided that those disciplines are not enough and you want to add pataphysics to the list?
Grace the occasion with your presence. We will be glad to have you with us.
FYI...: If you're interested in participating in this event with partial sponsorship, kindly get in touch with us via email.
Sincerely,
NN
Same thing here as the previous patient. You see, if I sponsor that London event with my non-existent funds, there will be even less to partially sponsor you with, no matter how deserving you are.
Dear Dr. NN,
Cheerful greetings from JJJJ.
This is Ms. NN from JJJJ (...) journal. As this is a newly launched journal, we hope this is the right time to approach you for your informative Article submission. Recently I have gone through abstract of your article entitled “XXXX: YYYY” then I realized that it was one of the best Article in this scientific society. So, we would like to take this great opportunity to influence everyone by publishing your new work online.
Hooray! What a terrific abstract that must be. Probably as long and informative as a brief paper. However, I'm curious, what does "this scientific society" refer to? Does it mean that our society as a whole is scientific? Having seen science sceptics and cranks rule the online debates I doubt it. Or is it like some secret society, only that the secret they hide from the rest of society is science itself? And, I ask this not out of false modesty, but do you really think it would be appropriate to let my wild ideas free to influence _everyone_? I mean, assuming you can make everyone notice them simply by publishing them online.
I would like to inform you that JJJJ is going to release [a new issue]. So, we would like to have your new article in our journal. [...]
Note: Submit your CV if you are interested in acting as a board member for the journal.
With Kind Regards,
NN
Of course! I mean, the same goes here as for that other marvelous journal that want me as a bored member. I assume that covers staff meetings payed by the hour with free beer and full editorial freedom in any respect. I'm sure you can offer that. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Dear Dr. NN,
Greetings from Adv. Physics 2024!!
Only two exclamation marks? I've recently received one that had three. Makes a more vigorous impression, you know. And, oh, I've already treated you.
Dear Author/Researcher,
We are pleased to inform you that JJJJ is going to launch its next issue (August 2024). We would like to invite you to contribute your Research Paper for publication in JJJJ.
The Journal provides a common forum where all aspects of humanities and social sciences are presented.
Excellent. Knowledge is by far too scattered. But are you sure you shouldn't include just a little engineering, medicine, pure and applied mathematics, and other sciences? It would be much more inclusive that way.
JJJJ publishes original papers, review papers, conceptual framework, analytical and simulation models, case studies, empirical research, technical notes etc.
Cool. But I mostly write poetry these days. Do you publish poems? Please? It's so hard to get poems published by the regular literary publishers these days. You could really make a difference!
Publication frequency: 12 issue per year
JJJJ follows the rapid publication process
Indexing: Crossref, NASA ads, DOAJ, Index Copernicus, Open-J Gate etc.
Acknowledgement of submission: Within 24 hrs
Acceptance notification: After 3-4 Days of submission
Regards
Director General
Acceptance after 3-4 days?? What online forum do you think would survive if their moderators took that long before allowing a user's post to show up? Seriously, with that kind of delay I might as well keep posting to my glog!
Dear Dr. NN,
I hope you are doing well.
I'm fine, thanks.
I would like to inform you that we lack one article for the successful release of our latest issue. So, I am contacting you in the hope that you can help our Journal of Textile Science & Fashion Technology (JTSFT) with unpublished articles.
Touching, to say the least. I feel for you. Having to postpone an issue just because you lack an article must be so frustrating. Maybe you haven't fully connected with the vibrant community of Textile Scientists and Fashion Technologists who, I'm sure, eagerly have awaited the existence of your journal. But of course, I'm available to give you a helping hand. What do you say, would you mind publishing a few of my poems? I could write something about broidery, perhaps. Not that I know anything about that.
We are confident that you will be with us in spreading scientific research around the world.
I await your response.
NN
Of course, I'm with you on that! Your letter now contributes to the empirical data about an important trend in the periphery of current academic life.