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By u/kinkin0
Posted on October 21, 2019
Hello. I’ll start by saying I’m a born and raised Baha’i. Growing up I was so fascinated and in love with the faith. At some point as a youth I began to pull away, but then my fire was sparked once more and I briefly became quite active again, only to feel burnt out shortly after. Things had changed quite drastically from the faith I remembered growing up compared to how it is now (at least in my community), it felt like a lot of pressure to get out there and serve, serve, serve! I went off to Uni and slowly rekindled my relationship with the faith again, partially because the new community I joined was rather small and had a much older population. They were old school Baha’is and totally patient with me. They never pressured me and actually became my real friends, not just friends with me to get me to serve - What I mean by this is they checked up on me in other aspects of life from school to family, and were so kind and supportive in all aspects, giving great advice and whatnot. We would spend time outside of faith activities and they were so connected with one another. Whereas in some other communities (specifically with people my age... Gen Z and millennials for some reason) seemed to only ever reach out to me when they wanted me to get involved. Conversations were almost always about service, service, service. Even if I tried to form personal relationships... it was just too plastic. There was too much passive pressure...
Anyhow, as I said, this new community was a great fit. What I adore about old school Baha’is is that they were so much more easy-going, and didn’t make things so systematic as far as community expansion, etc. They really focused on connection. I became more involved, even joining the LSA one year. In all my years there we had one brand new Baha’i join, and she was on fire with the faith and absolutely in love. She adored our community. To me, seeing that ONE soul fall in love with the faith the way that she did, and find a home in our community (as I did) was one of the most heart-touching experiences I’ve ever had, even though on paper some communities might deem this as not enough growth (referring to it being 1 new baha’i in 3 years).
I graduated and moved back to my home city, and although I tried to continue to be involved... I’m back where I was. I feel exhausted. Every week there seems to be activity going on multiple days a week, and many institute campaigns over weekends. I can’t keep up. My mother finally told me it’s ok to say “no” and take some time for myself (she became quite worried). I think the reason I feel heart broken is that I even tried to express that I was feeling burnt out to this new community, and that I’ve had thoughts on/off again about leaving the faith, and once again I was hit with the conversation of service being the ultimate priority and the sacrifices we must make because the faith hasn’t grown the same way since the 70’s, and there’s communities ablaze around the world in India and Vanuatu and other places so why can’t we, and Baha’is serving even when they are sick, etc, etc, etc....
I’m so tired. It all feels too forced. Too systematic. All these expansion plans... where I see them fail is that we have these home visits and door-to-door visits, and start these community projects, but the connection is based purely on how receptive one is to the faith, rather than forming a connection starting with real friendship and genuine interest, that perhaps can lead to the faith later. Not in all cases, but this is what I’ve been witnessing and experiencing. Also there’s this new thing where it’s shameful if you only go to Baha’i holy days and feast and the Baha’i center (if you have one). How can we be so hard on those that do? We have no idea what may be going on in there lives... instead of pressuring them to serve more, perhaps we should extend our service TO them.
TL;DR Burnt out Baha’i who isn’t quite on board with the newer “tactics” used to grow the faith, as it feels too plastic. Finds themself pulling further and further out from the incredible pressure. Lots of pressure from younger generation Baha’is to not just be “bare minimum”, which turns out is not an inspiring speech. Almost as though there’s competition to out-serve one another and too much of the “comparison game”.
Sorry it was so long.
[Deleted]:
I am sorry that you feel this way and I think you are not the only one to observe this phenomena of young Baha'is who are constantly being expected to serve the community without any sincere and real connection being developed with people who they serve with.
To be honest, I feel very lonely these days being a Baha'i as the friends who I once knew have all faded away the moment I chose to focus on a different area in my life which for now does not involve community building. I still would want to feel connected to the community but it is very difficult when they expect you to be involved or else you will not hear a word from them nor a call just to ask if you are doing okay. A friend who comes visiting once in a while, would only contact me when she has someone to introduce me to for the intention of teaching. She wouldnt call me out just for the sake of meeting eventhough I just got to know her.
I do hope Baha'i redditors reading these posts who are actively involved in community building activities will take some moment to reflect on how you are treating other Bahais in the community who are not necessarily active in the process. When you meet them at Feast, do you make it a point to approach them and be friends with or do you just hang out with those with whom you see are active in community building only?
u/NotACynic:
You do not need to contribute to every service project, attend every meeting, and be SuperBaha'i all the time. Set boundaries according to what energizes you.
> Take heed lest excessive reading and too many acts of piety in the daytime and in the night season make you vainglorious. Should a person recite but a single verse from the Holy Writings in a spirit of joy and radiance, this would be better for him than reciting wearily all the Scriptures of God, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting. Recite ye the verses of God in such measure that ye be not overtaken with fatigue or boredom. Burden not your souls so as to cause exhaustion and weigh them down, but rather endeavour to lighten them, that they may soar on the wings of revealed Verses unto the dawning-place of His signs. This is conducive to nearer access unto God, were ye to comprehend. (Bahá’u’lláh, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 225)
[Recall that service is prayer... is there a parallel here?]
>The Bahá’Ăs, in spite of their self-sacrificing desire to give the last drop of their strength to serving the Cause, must guard against utterly depleting their forces and having breakdowns. For this can sometimes do more harm than good, because they are so bound up in the lives of others.... "There is no doubt that there is vicarious atonement for others, and our sufferings sometimes can be in the nature of a sacrifice accepted for others. But where to draw the line is a mystery. If you take better care of your own health, and build up your reserves, it would certainly be better for you and for your work. Then your sensitive, yearning heart, although you may still often suffer for and with others, will be better able to withstand its trials, and you will not get so exhausted, which is certainly no asset to your work for the Cause. (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 279)
u/kinkin0:
I also brought up quotes from the faith that specifically talk about balance and moderation. But was again told that the true balance is putting service first in everything we do. When I mentioned my feelings in the way old-school Baha’is handle things, I was hit with this nonchalant comment about their methods being too laid back and old fashioned, and because they are old they can do use this excuse. I used to think perhaps it’s my ego that keep me from understanding this, and I used to feel so shameful... but I’ve come to a point where I realized I simply don’t agree. This is what always made sense to me: The Well-Rounded Baha’i Life I might add that part of the reason I fell off again in the very beginning and pulled away was because I was pressured to quit sports and even put off Uni for 2 years to serve. While that may be the path for some, it was simply not mine own. Why is it ok to be involved in music and the arts, but sports are seen as a barbaric distraction? Is sport not beneficial, too? I learned so much about myself as an athlete, about patience and communication, team work and discipline. But it was simply seen as a waste of time, whereas other Baha’is my age were praised for being in band and theater, which took up just as much time. There is so much bias on what a typical young Baha’i should be like, and the type of activities they enjoy on the side.
I still believe and adore the teachings of the faith. But these new methods of “recruitment” make everything feel so... not Baha’i-like. It does not feel genuine. And many talks always have this passive link to Liberal/Democratic views, despite the fact that we are not supposed to get wrapped up in these things. I’ve been to many firesides where socialism was preached about, especially bc it’s what supports the beliefs of the faith. Can you believe that! They make service to the faith sound like slavery to the faith at times... I suppose this is a cry for help. I can’t move... what am I supposed to do? I find myself trying to keep away. Even this upcoming celebration for The Bab is giving me anxiety and I’ve considered not going because seeing some of these faces makes me nervous of what they’ll say to me next, or the comments about my absence lately.
u/mybahaiusername:
> Why is it ok to be involved in music and the arts, but sports are seen as a barbaric distraction? Is sport not beneficial, too?
Did you know that Shoghi Effendi loved sports? He wrote an essay about it when he was in college. You can read the entire thing here. https://bahai-library.com/shoghieffendi_function_sports_life
>Sports have existed in the past ages and have played an important role in the history of mankind. Whenever a nation, regardless of its resources and extension, realized the importance of sports and put that realization into practice she attained a notable stage in the history of the world.
>If we consider sports from a general point of view and consider their relation to the life of the ancient people we must inevitably come to the conclusion that sports if well conducted, have always raised the standard of the nation to a very high degree.
So the next time someone says something to you about sports, you can show them Shoghi Effendi's thoughts about sports.
u/finnerpeace:
I love your observations and think they're important.
Please keep being yourself and a bastion of balanced and honest love and faith. There is room and need for every pace and way of being in the Faith and the world, as long as it is sincere.
Some other folk are likely also being themselves and their love and faith take the form of very active service. That's awesome!
I'll be joining you and the old-timers in the corner for tea. :)
u/shadbakht:
Humanistic pragmatism and service. When your measurement of what you've been doing is limited to a confined definition of service or what it means to be a Baha'i, naturally you'll feel "burnt out" and a Baha'i who's not good enough. This is the root of the problem; one, the definition of service, and two, the role of service in relation to recognition (what it means to be a good Baha'i). A close friend was experiencing this exact sentiment over the past year or two. Only recently has she started gradually feeling better. Here's what I recommend.
Baha'is who define 'service' as the few Core Activities are simply wrong. They are beautiful people with the best intentions to serve their Lord but are simply misdefining this important term. Service has, in modern times, taken on a largely humanistic and pragmatic definition. But in reality it's simply this. The ways in which you express your love for God. When you have that love, it naturally flows in the things you do in life. You can't help but to bring it up in conversations that get somewhat ethical or spiritual, because you love it so much. It's like watching an awesome movie. That exact feeling, when you can't wait to tell others (not everyone, but those you think would be interested). You feel happy to stack chairs at Feast because you're thinking of Him. In your prayer life, it doesn't feel like a chore because you know to make sure to partake in every moment of it. I'm sure you've read that the greatest service of all is teaching of the Faith. What that means isn't even cut and dry. It could be by your mannerisms, your words, your friendships, or work you do. Performing of your obligatory prayers and fasting. These are all 'actions' or 'service'. It's inwards, outwards, and in every direction your love for God flows out of you. So when you hear "what service are you doing?", you don't have to say anything. You know in your heart how you measure up in God's eyes. For we don't do things to get 'results' and improve stats. We do them because of love, because that's one aught to do. Even if zero there is zero tangible effect. There are many example of absolutely beautiful Baha'is who fully lived the Baha'i life with no tangible results for decades! I'm reminded of one in Vietnam, years back.
When our Baha'i identity is measured by the Baha'i community around us, we will inevitably fall. The Core Activites are important of course. But that's just it. They're the core, not the whole. A cell has a nucleus, which should be the priority. But one can just as equally serve by working on the wall, the various organelles, and lest we forget the mitochondria the powerhouse of the cell. ;) It's also like an army, an Army of Light. There are infantry, which is the mass of the effort. But we need the medics, we also need the cooks, the pilots, the IT programmers, the janitors, the barracks trainers, and thousands of other roles any of which any were missing would hamstring the entire army.
Our identity is and always will be our relationship with and nearness to Baha'u'llah. Maintain and improve the health of our daily study and obligatory prayers, and everything will flow from that. Be confident my friend.
And listen to this 5 minute talk by Mr Nakhjavani. All my love to you. https://youtu.be/_WcBfnAyZOk
[Deleted]:
We all should find balance and recognize the limits in our lives of service. At various times, you may find yourself pulling back and having to focus on family and work (as I did for almost 20 years).
Take a break or sabbatical if you must. Just always say your prayers and read the Writings. Even Shoghi Effendi took breaks at times. It is also perfectly fine if you have some of the more rigorous deepenings (call them study circles), and you don't have to use the Ruhi courses. We are having excellent intense studies on the Kitab-i-Iqan that I am attending. The Wilmette Courses are excellent and don't require much time either depending on your level of interest and intensity.
Consider the following from Baha'u'llah in the Kitab-i-Aqdas as good advice and don't be concerned:
> Chant (or recite) the Words of God every morning and evening. The one who neglects this has not been faithful to the Covenant of God and His agreement, and he who turns away from it today is of those who have turned away from God. Fear God, O my people! Let not too much reading (of the Sacred Word) and actions by day or night make you proud. To chant but one verse with joy and gladness is better for you than reading all the Revelations of the Omnipotent God with carelessness. Chant the Tablets of God in such measure that ye be not overtaken with fatigue and depression. Burden not the soul so as to cause exhaustion and languour, but rather refresh it that thus it may soar on the wings of Revelation to the Dawning-place of proofs. This brings you nearer to God, were ye of those who understand.—Kitáb-i-Aqdas
Also consider the following advice from Shoghi Effendi and in a letter from the House of Justice:
> We believe in balance in all things; we believe in moderation in all things -- we must not be too emotional, nor cut and dried and lacking in feeling, we must not be so liberal as to cease to preserve the character and unity of our Bahá’à system, nor fanatical and dogmatic. Shoghi Effendi, quoted in The Universal House of Justice, 1997 Aug 13, Science and Religion, p. 2
I was recently at a talk by from House of Justice member Hooper Dunbar at the Baha'i Center in our cluster. He talked some about these issues. He pointed out that the Ruhi courses were developed because they existed and had been tested but did not preclude other methods or courses or materials being developed and used and customized to each locality or target group.
The most important thing is to find balance in your life and recognize that only you can decide what is appropriate for you. Baha'is should not pressure or judge others in terms of their level of involvement and commitment. [We don't have such pressures where I live.] Some of us have family, extensive work commitments, educational pursuits, and even sports interests; We even have different preferences and strengths and weaknesses, which keeps us diverse and balanced.
The institute process and key activities have a wisdom and are very effective in many parts of the world. I support them; my wife and daughter support them a lot more. My sense is that the West is struggling with how to adjust them to work well in some areas. I have found that when done naturally and part of a local community, they can be very effective especially with certain immigrant and more receptive populations. But we can always find ways to serve and find ways to be devoted to the Cause that suit our needs while striving to serve appropriately.
[Deleted]:
I have similarly been troubled by this exact same thing, I thank you for expressing this.
One thing you highlight is that this seems to be more present with younger Baha'is. I have found it far more fulfilling speaking with older Baha'is who have a more contemplative view of the Faith. Unfortunately my community is near segregated into 'youth' and 'non-youth', with events being for one or the other. This is quite disappointing, and my suspicions are that it is because the youth do not want input from older Baha'is into their teaching methods. I also tried to get on board, but when I expressed reservations I was essentially bluntly told "You are here to serve, not to criticize" and that if I had more faith the process would start working and just dropped out of the process altogether. I also agree that there is often an unhealthy sense of competition, and near politicking, that is coming with service which I have found incredibly depressing.
I think we are certainly not alone in these feelings, but unfortunately I think as a community we have not really reached the stage where people are comfortable having frank consultation, so when people began to feel upset about things they simply drop off the radar and are dismissed as 'inactive' (and as you say the approach has often been to lecture these people instead of consulting with them. I think some have become comfortable regarding themselves as above the rest of the community because they are active in the Institute process and see anything else as something which needs to be stamped out lest it draw resources away, but I really do not see any basis for this thought process in any of the actual guidance from the House, and this approach unintentionally makes it seem like complete inactivity instead of study circles is preferable to deepenings instead of study circles). I do not think you have to bear the burden of trying to raise these concerns, as I don't feel that most Baha'is really want to hear them at this stage so it may not be a productive exercise, but I think you should bear in mind that many people have these same feelings.
I have found a lot of solace in being involved with a relaxed deepening for Baha'i youth, where interesting topics are shared and discussed, purely for the joy of exploring the Faith, not some motive of expansion. I would recommend that you perhaps try to start something like this. While service is paramount to the Faith I don't see why we can't also just enjoy it in a setting like a deepening as well.
I think that while it can be too difficult to try and raise these points without being lectured or pushed away we can always draw some personal affirmation from this quote from an 05 message from the House while remaining patient with the community which is in a stage of growth:
"The institutions of the Faith will continue to respect the wishes of those who, for whatever reason, do not feel inclined to participate in the study of the books of the Ruhi Institute. Those not so disposed should recognize that there are many avenues of service open to them, including, above all, individual teaching which is the paramount duty of every Bahá’Ă. Local deepening classes and summer and winter schools, which remain an important feature of Bahá’à community life, will provide ample opportunities for them to deepen their knowledge of the teachings. "
I have been trying to engage in these other avenues of service like this quote describes and have found it quite personally fulfilling.
u/dieMinne:
i know that there can be the feel that we have to serve, that we have to spent all our time for the faith but thats not true. Everybody is allowed to give as much time as he or she wants to.
its not the time you give which makes the change in this world, its more about how you spent your time. So what i want to say is, focus on the aspects of your life and BE a Bahai in all parts of your life. Then you dont need to be on every activity or on ecery campaign.
As someone who is also struggling sometimes i reccomend to take time for yourself and just do some few services you love instead of everything.
if you need to talk, write me. Also if you want to speak on skype or stuff like that
feel huged.
u/RidleyVoyageur:
When I was in college, I once felt similarly to what you have expressed, and I felt guilty for attending to my studies. Then a fellow (older) Baha'i told me a story about Paul Haney, a Hand of the Cause. Mr. Haney was an attorney with a specialty in international law, and he performed a lot of great service to the Faith. But when he was studying law, he didn't participate much in Baha'i activities, as he was focusing on his studies, and some of the Baha'is complained about his lack of activity to Shoghi Effendi. The gaurdian told them, "Leave him alone. He is serving the Cause of God."
u/golconda72:
I see nothing wrong with doing the bare minimum to fulfill the faith. It's better than either overdoing thigs and burning out, or doing nothing and neglecting the faith.
u/kiamo:
From my own spiritual journey as a soul born into the faith, I can connect really well with a lot of what you are saying.
Being raised in a Baha'i community, it wasn't until I moved to another country and completely isolated myself that I began to realize how deeply my personal faith was propped up with community life. It took years of isolation for me to begin to understand just how important it is to _develop ourselves spiritually._ Though we can talk, share and build communities together, in the end it really is just ourselves and God. The more we focus on and nurture _that_ connection with God (personal prayer, meditation, reading the writings) the more we begin to understand ourselves and grow closer towards Him.
You mentioned in a comment below concerns with attitudes prevalent in your community regarding sport, and and teaching approaches. Remember that our communities are made up of imperfect people just like you and I, who a treading their own spiritual paths. Look at them with detachment, and kindly eyes.
I often read this prayer.
> I beg Thee to forgive me, O my Lord, for every mention but the mention of Thee, and for every praise but the praise of Thee, and for every delight but delight in Thy nearness, and for every pleasure but the pleasure of communion with Thee, and for every joy but the joy of Thy love and of Thy good-pleasure, and for all things pertaining unto me which bear no relationship unto Thee, O Thou Who art the Lord of lords, He Who provideth the means and unlocketh the doors.
The level of detachment this (it seems to me) alludes to is magnificent. Do we really need the approval and the praise of our communities? Do we need anything except our connection to God? I don't think so.
Something that has been on my mind recently is how Abdu'l-Baha seemed to make a great point of seeing to it that the friends and visitors were well taken care of. He would feed people, and only when they were satisfied begin to teach them. I find this wonderfully interesting. In my house it was prayers before food. Spiritual food before material food. The peer pressure of community life had me swept up with all sorts of activities. Mostly just because I didn't really know what else to do with myself. How many of us grow up in families that subtly ask us to sacrifice ourselves before we are even really capable of know who we are and what our needs might be? Can sacrifice even be meaningful when we do not _really_ know ourselves well enough to understand clearly what it is we are sacrificing?
I'm still isolated. I miss community, and I pray about it. In the depth of my soul I sense this wisdom in my being where I am for now. It is as though, for me, being isolated helps me focus purely on God. I don't know if I was to live in a community again whether or not it would distract me from that which is truly important. What I do know is that this last year or two I've grown more than all my life before.
I don't know what choices are right for you. You will be in my prayers tonight. What I do think is that whatever choices you make, or where ever you end up, what matters most is whether or not you are growing closer towards God. Day by day.