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I appreciate your input, but what you said only amplifies my disgust with html. I'd have not figured out such by searching/browsing online in a proverbial million years, especially as the value/accuracy of content seemingly diminishes faster than a html tag goes obsolete.... ;-)
I see where you're coming from, but I don't think HTML itself is the problem. Sure, it can be tedious to type out the tags, but that's what Markdown and pandoc are for. But all the other shit you dislike, like links jumping around and pages taking 10,000 years to load despite having a high-speed connection?
That's fucking JavaScript, man. I don't use that shit on my website precisely because I want people to be able to read my bullshit. They aren't going to do that if they have to click through newsletter popups, cookie "consent" popups, video overlays, and all that other modern webshit. And they're not going to read it if it's just a plaintext file sitting on a gopher or anonymous FTP server somewhere; those days aren't even a dim memory for most people online.
If you change your mind about learning and using HTML, I've found the following useful as references:
Mozilla Developer Network: Introduction to HTML
As far as terminals using regexp to identify URLs and make them interactive: shit like this is why I've taken to using Emacs as my terminal. Copy/paste (or kill/yank if RMS is reading this) works the same in an eshell or vterm buffer as it works in any other sort of text buffer.
Chances of me installing and attempting to re-familiarize myself with Emacs eons since last time are pretty slim.
Speaking of eons ago and RMS, he enjoyed the song spoof "'Till There Was GNU" I created in simpler browsing times: