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08-12
How days are going faster! right now I'm might be having the best days
of my life without acknowleding it fully. There's so much uncertainit
y again, taking back to the days I started before masters. What next
now?
04-08
Having a simple hair cut makes me feel like a rebirth, it's just my
mentality. I wanted to change certain things and just like that went
for a cut bunking my lectures.
04-07
Sometimes you give up for no apparent reason - am I that everytime?
04-05
These days I'm bunking QFT class at 8.30, started reading Srednicki
after coming across a person who left QFT course when he encountered
renormalization at caltech then became a high rate poker player! wow
This all happend back in 80s, now I can totally relate. I'm at renorma
lization too in QFT II. Oh! I barely scraped bottom of class in QFT I
but got 10, 8 on my computation and dissertation < that's my semester
results, the most impressive fest was of gulk's she played literal
8 test match day after day just as in cricket and won the series!
I'm Proud :)
04-02
Okay today I handed qft test within 20 min, it was full of renormaliz
ation which I apparently havent touched this semester, so I did a 1
question of 1 mark asking dimension of coupling constant in phi 3 theo
ry in d dimension what else now this midterm is going to cost my
degree.
03-31
This month is the least productive one of my entire masters! without a
doubt. I'm going to bomb the midterm with omelettes next week. QFT the
demon - I'm so pissed at myself, it bites my neck drag me to the under
world - so damn real I'm do want to that yet that target.
03-30
Using a phone from 2010 to go on.. I had set up ssh client and wow see
ing this actually working after these years! I have also set up cgi s
cript on server just so I can upload from this phone, yes it works too
Deedum with 80 characters set makes this device perfect for going thr
ough gemini - oh ys writing from phone too
03-29
How to realize what I'm doing is right or wrong? I think I'm not lear
ning enough from my past mistakes, but what if those mistakes weren't
harsh enough will I not commit again? days are not productive enough
guess I became more comfortable here again. On a hindsight I should
be doing something else, I have all the time for those and more then
so why not indulge in it?
I know this exact feeling, when you have something pending you cannot
give yourself break and enjoy + that previous work also isn't done the
n I ask myself what was the point of all these. I should have done bef
ore, Yet again I do follow the same cycle - it's really scary.
Ramblings of yet another indifferent human being walking on this soil.
03-28
I wish I include 'contacts' somewhere or better a cgi script for a
scrapebook? My day are getting counted, field theory and condensed ma
tter is going to bite my arse. I'm enjoying this chill week with more
dive into gemini space, let's see where all this takes.
03-27
Study of few hours, a shared meal, little drama then a laugh. A mix of
every thing - A peaceful day :) oh oh phone got swapped
03-25
Okay today is the day! I don't know how to console or pamper you and
the worst, I'm starring blank at ceiling when all you asked for is
a simple talk. Now we have resolved things - you can hold on to that
teeny tiny grudge at side but as always I'll be grateful for meeting
my companion. Have a good sleep.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| .....::::::::::::::::::.::.........::....:::::.:::::.:.... |
| .....::::::::::::::::::::.:.:.. ...:..:.::::...::::.. ...,. |
| .....:::::::::::::::::::::::::.,.:....:.:.:.....,.,. . |
| .....:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::...... . . . |
| ....:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.... . . . . . . |
| ....:::::::::::::::::::::::.::::::::::.. ..... .,..... .... |
| .....:::::::::::::::::::::::..:.:::::.:. ...:.:.:::.:....... |
| ....:::::::::::::::::::::::::....:.:. . ...::::.:::::....... |
| ...:::::::::::::::::::::::::::.... . . .:..:.:..::.:....:... |
| ..:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::... . .:.:::......:.......:... |
| ..:::::::::::::::::::::::::::.:. .....::::::...:.....:....... |
| ....:::::::::::::::::::::::.,.... ...:..:.:.:...:.....:....... |
| ....::::::::::::::::::::::.. ..:.:..::.:.:.........:.. . .... |
| ..::::::::::::::::::.:.:..:.,.:::::.:::::::.....:..:..,. . . |
| ...:.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.:. ..... |
| . ...:::.:.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::... . . |
| ...:.....:.:.:.:::.:.:.::::::::::::::::... |
| .. . ..... .....:. .....:.:::.::::::::::... |
| . . . . . . ..... .:...:::::::::.... |
| . . ....::::::::...... |
| ....::::::::....... |
| . ...::::::::...... |
| ....::::::::.... |
| ....:::::::::... . . |
| ....:::::::::..:.. .. |
| ....:::::::::.::.. . .. |
| ...::::::::::::..... . ... . |
| . ...:::::::::::..........:... |
| . . . ...:::::::::::.:........:... |
| . :.:. .. ...:::::::::::::::.:.:.:.:.:. |
| .: ,:::. .. ...:::::::::::::::::::::::::: |
| .:, :::. .,... ...:::::::::::::::::::::::::: |
| .::, .::.. .::.......:::::::::::::::::::::::::: |
| .::::. ..::.:.::........:::::::::::::::::::::::::: |
| .::::.,. ...::::.:.........::::::x:x::::::.:.:::::::: |
| .,.:.::.:.::.:......:.....::::::xxxx:::::.:..:.::::: |
| .:..:.:.:........:::.:.::::::::xxx::::::::.:.::::. |
| ..:..... . ......:::::::::::::::xxx:::::::::::::::. |
| ... . .. ...:.:::::::::::::::xxxxx:x::::::::::::. |
| . . ... ...::::::::::::::::::xxxxxxxx:::::::::,. |
| . .........:::::::::::::::::::xxxx:x:x:::::::., |
| . . .........:::::::::::::::::::xxxx:x::::::.,. |
| ... . ........:::::::::::::::::::xxxxxx:::::. |
| .....:. . . .......::::::::::::::::::::x:x:x:::.,. |
| ...:.:::...:.....:.:::::::::::::::::::::::x::.,. |
| ...::::::.:::.:.::::::::::::::::::::::::::x:. |
| ...::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.:::::::::.,. Golu |
| ..::::::::::::::::::::::::::.:..::::.:.,. The GulK |
| .:::::::::::::::::::::::::.....:.:. . |
| |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
01-13
It's a chilly day, I think I helped a person around me. Will this do
as a payback?
*----------------------------------------------*
| Yet Another New Year |
| Faded from memories |
| |
| Thanks for _ ) \ _ ) __ / |
| Unexpected / ( | / _ \ |
| Pile of ___| \__/ ___| ___/ |
| Feelings |
*----------------------------------------------*
12-31
Year ended! Last year many new faces have entered my life but this ye
ar I tried to maintain relations with the same ones who did I meet?
It did change my perception of things.
12-18
Insisting to type a paragraph but, what to type here. This is a scrape
Wall of text - oh how to name a cyberspace scrapebook scrape Wall?
Just a mice passed by in the library hall, rabies infected maybe?
maybe not?
.~`. __
'-*=(_.)8 Scropio
Ratte?
11-19
So Yes finally it's about time to take back of this harddisk and reti
re it forever. Already saw signs for block errors nd it took me 2 hr
s for the last boot..
And Today is such a confusing day with all the things going on right
now I wasnt able to process but atleast I had briyani in a mud pot
That one of the best dishes ever to have on this concrete jungle and
it was really good too. Maybe I will miss eating out with that partic
ular company of her but yes. Something something unsure people are
taking a break but what am I doing with this JUlia Boolia I'm getting
accousted with it. Oh Damn it's scary how easy things are and how
I how the earlier days of mine tinkering for hours to change a teeny
tiny configuration in fvwm hehe. Just Thinking about it is gving me
a great pleasure
Oh Yes the briyani is from Itamanaan. They packed it really all marke
ting I suppose but I should be willing to appreciate if the main dish
and it was so plus plus just after affects of emotional damage is not
but yes all part of it.. comes very naturally to me
Oh paragraph again because I fear this will be my last post from this
hybrid debian-mxlinux machine it served really well from 2018 I was
doing all sorts of crazy nukes on this endured really well and I know
this was realible and that's what gave me confidence to indulge on
OBSD in the beginning days more without this It would have been no go
it's that easy. And stage of retiring finally...
Somehow it made me to slow down myself, it takes 5 mins to boot up
and every time I have forced to run fsck from the grub menu or intirm
fs it's like a routine to boot up now and scary part is I got so used
to it as if every *nix machine behaves like that.. that how it is
Finally there's something really wrong with the mxlinx/antix installer
I know I never faced such issues in the past with other distributions
---I'm killing Julia now---ate up all the giga juices in my box---
Okay coming back, I believe the installer is dump on the side of mxlin
x it's never properly installs even on the fresh harddisk why so I did
go through it but from seeing it first hand 3 times on 3 difference ma
chines I knew it. There has to be something about bad blocks and this
installation. Cause suddenly I friend was getting bad blocks too heeeh
so yes! but I don't have resource to delve on more and report on commu
nity - already on the verge of disk dying.
Oh yes what OS I should hop on *BSD are no go. I don't want to give my
time to tinker around in the middle of my dissertation. so yes I have
ordered a simple 120gb ssd - it's cheaper and will stick to keeping
things simple without further experiments.
---now I'm seeing backup write rate as 14.88kB/s---hee dashing head---
Yeah The OS, I think it's time to switch from debian something arch
based that has a way bigger community and come with some inbuilt packa
ges so I wont be spending more than an hour to configure just copy pas
te configuration and install this herbstluftwm + this damn keybinds of
tapping and holding. I got so used to this re change I really find it
impossible to type on the normal layout without pressing caps lock mul
tiple times - dang it! so that package comes from interception tools
or I could do with an older x package oh xmodmap if I'm not right.
Good thing is my write up is on the web so I just refer to it and move
on.
---so yes satisfied---not too fast---the rsync should finish properly-
only then----
okay bye and good night. Nothing else - everything digital is someday
or another going to disappear into the void of unknown so no one reme
mber all these significant or down to zero things. Bye for now..
btw, Typing in pitch dark is cool too, not for eyes hehe ;)
11-03
I'm not sure it's already been a year. It feels like magic, I got new
people in my life that I will cherish forever.
10-14
Not much going on other than cursing at julia, although I want to get
used to DynamicalSystems.jl, skimming myself through field of Chaos
Oh I do think I'm making one soul simile at end of every day.
10-12
State of Julia on this (-_- seems like I will plot the graph on paper
and stare at blank wall
julia> @time using Plots
11.652682 seconds (4.76 M allocations: 265.165 MiB, 1.93% gc time,
4.15% compilation time: 99% of which was recompilation)
julia> @time p = plot(rand(2,2));
0.844877 seconds (1.38 M allocations: 90.247 MiB, 7.09% gc time,
99.31% compilation time: 85% of which was recompilation)
julia> @time display(p);
12.466280 seconds (5.29 M allocations: 312.184 MiB, 1.22% gc time,
21.70% compilation time: 91% of which was recompilation)
10-01
Beginning of a New month, it was great news yesterday that the way we
worked really shown a result that validated confidence in both of us
especially boosted her so I was really happy for it. 30th of Sept.
09-27
Looking at the vast blue sky, Drowning myself in Field theory.
_ + Thinking hard to dumb this
| | | --- down with a quantum theory
\_|_/ \ + * of single particles analogy
.i. (x) = > a (_|_) (x) on the way to purge.
/ |
---
09-17 evening
yeah of course! < these are replies to m who is live here typing with
me on golu's page we got ourselves connected with ytalk and seeing our
terminals live. Golu in 2nd line now! I will better give a live commen
tary of what golu is doing hehe (oh oh hehe at the same time). Vim is
being used for this - guess the creator would be face palming from
heaven.
Indeed we wrote together! actually we are writing.. these teeny tiny
things mean a lot to me - Yeah A Lot - watching you type live :)
should I make a ascii art for you? don't you think there are too many
...................... dots .................. are you creating morse
with it? haha! Okay shall we ZZ it?
o_O will this do? don't slap me - I know you will tell this
- see you m
oh I can do figlet, let me try - it's banner here
###### #### #####
# # # # #
##### # # # #
Tooooo Much OF A # # # #####
White SPACE # # # # #
What to FILL # #### # #
ANY Ideas? are you here still? # # #### # #
press o to insert after a line ## # # # # #
and O to insert before a line # # # # # # #
press o nice, to insert before # # # # # # ## #
capital O # ## # # ## ##
# # #### # #
Sun Sep 17 06:05:37 PDT 2023 Shall we?
Okay! ZZ
09-17
Down along the line, nothing seems to be hard - There is always a way
out. All it takes is a hint of thought - am I bounded by anything yes
but taking out a year of my life to disappear into the unknown,
does it bother the people around - yes, it would - but on the whole
world scale this is just a yet another insignificant teeny tiny break
Keeping people around you happy - or the least when they remember the
days let your simple smile strike their memory and nothing more - soun
ding very fullfilled to me.
09-05
Got the x201 shorted, something burnt in motherboard. It Was initially
just the battery module issue, as the battery was getting recognized
by acpi but just charging took forever, I was turning on & off with AC
on and boom lights went off with just (z) led - power indicator on.
Should have just called it a day without battery /o\. To add to this
lost a cherished fountain! it was cheap but cannot digest
Materialist Pleasures,
here today gone tomorrow - Just a gentle remainder
Also my trusty translucent pad which I had for 10 years from my second
ary school, what sort of absent minded I was no words - chii
09-03
Booted up my other x201, cleaned it up after trying to install n no of
gaanu linux because the machine throttles itself when trying to copy
image from live disk. That's me putting off reapplying thermal paste
I believe today is end for several things! I was putting off how to
but triggers gave me reasons to end right away, it will be painful lon
ely now but on the long run I guess this will be..
I'm leaving home too, a week here wasn't peaceful as I expected becaus
e two sick relations were here so I couldn't feel that zen den anymore
but cannot complain any of it - All for good.
Oh plans are scattered now but fine I will try to use it up for myself
keyboard feels good after a long time.
09-02
It's a nothingness update again, I have only 2 more days to leave my
den! it's a total regret now
I'll be venturing to wild things now field theory, non linear dynamics
and condensed batter. Let me breathe now before the self harm.
when will , / l,/
I stop,__// being me?
08-18
Been hardly 15 days my roommate in dorm left to his country SriLanka
It was rough staying cramped this in one, he was telling me the same
how it felt before I arrived. I was told a new one will be popping
withing this week - Slovakian ? Russian? seeing vauge correlations
between previous and future to be, Beautiful countries but war ridden
countries - scapegoat citizens, ah peace!
Hoping to get some music recommendations hehe, let's see.. yikes with
semesters in between.
08-15
I'm miss my Kaidan! someday we will meet in rainbow bridge. I came acr
oss a journal I started when I first met her, I didn't continue after
day one but even that single entry smashes me with all the memories.
I have no where to publish and I want that feeling here now, with all
backlogs currently this has made be close my eyes and drown..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
When Ever I look into your eyes, I feel really special and sleeping
close to, makes me think of a time in the past. Those days were
'The happiest' in my entire life and wish I could struck to it forever
and ever and ever and ever and ever
D1 P1
I'm so frustated, chugging to Iced Earth - Wolf. I was never able to
work out the rhythm part, it was a mix of gallop and reverse on the
same bar at ~150bpm I came to know this only after a days of playing!.
It was a damp and dark afternoon, the fake birds screeched my ear I
couldn't take it anymore but it had again and again to very of
smashing I tried the riff again without any veil, my right arms were
giving up begging to drop dead Okay enought of it.
With Climber swinging past over the head, dropping the build up potent
ial energy gradually I pulled the mesh with skid rubber kissing the
marble floor I'm walking past leaving the mesh door behind. I could go
on a verbal assualt if there was any trigger
I was hungry but it was well after the usual time, I felt quite guilty
that I was last to have lunch with that I found my plate a small round
shaped high brim one. Settled myself with rice and gravy, as usual I
was searched a bit for my 'Elegante' spoon not bad this time picked at
one go. Give me Peace alteast when having meal, damn! I was so impati
ent I marched towards the side door asking to shut up
I just cannot believe what I saw when ma pointed out, a kitty looking
straight into my eyes meowing, all the moody things so far just doomed
away. I was so eager I took back the plate in hand munching without
losing eye contact. It was and still is - a fluttering feeling.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
08-13
end of drive. Totally drained doing nothing, just grining at my own re
flection, What to say and what not to say nothing will save me at this
point. Powerfully blank - Done for the day
08-10 Day
How to survive without a drive? possible? how to just do for the sake
of doing, so what's left? will I finish scattering?
08-09
Having a close talk with a person you trust is always makes one feel
lucky, feeling safe in each others arm - whatever life is throwing tr
usting the flow and moving on. My . ,
|\/| in my teeny
tiny world
08-03
There's nothing to say really,
A B I G ____ __ _______ __ __
| | |.-----.|_ _| |--.|__|.-----.-----.
Too Much of | || _ | | | | || || | _ |
Empty Space |__|____||_____| |___| |__|__||__||__|__|___ |
A N D |_____|
nothing more
08-02
A slam textual paper for End of labs, It just happened that I tore ext
ra pages from the file and made it into stack of pages stappled
together And My friend followed too. Are we kiddos? we all were and
are, aren't we? The page has drops of ink from fountain multiple langu
ages - piece of art. That's it with this bunch of people 8 months in
a puff.
08-01
Did we do something wrong/right no reasoning, felt great and that's it
07-31
Today is last day of this month, I can literally count in my fingers
what I did till now - nothing totally nothing. It's making me loose my
appentite my mood my thinking my everything slowly I'm feeling I don't
deserve to feed myself I don't deserve face anything.. just guilty is
killing me slowly what I can do now.
I want a change of atomosphere so I did go out with people but nothing
has changed, is this my room making it - I can easily point around and
put my blame on it, will it change anything? NO
Then how to, how will I, how I reached this point? it's the same feeli
ng I remember. How will get up and go back now.
Is anybody out there? is anybody out there? is anybody out there?
I'm dragging my M with me to bottom too, suffocating everyone around
me, please don't do this
What I did wrong, where I go wrong? should I speak out to people? am I
changed totally? please please fecking please This is not me, not the
me I wanted, I want to go to my home my den and stare at the ceiling
what became of you...
try and get myself going, why I'm loosing it all..
want to disappear into void, why none of the darkwave is helping I can
not cry out I want to, see my crocadile tears
. _~ .__.
__o_ ,' `.; Please, Beg you
().\/ Take me to
|\ Nowhere Land
| >
07-28
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
| o++++::::+=+++:::+++=:::++=oo=++~~~.:++===+=+=+===++:++:::o=:~~+:: |
| +:++:++:~++++++++:+::+++:++++:::+~~.~~+:+==+====o=+ _ +::+:~: |
| :::++::::++++++==+++++==+::+++::::::~~.........~~ /_/ _\ ::::~:: |
| +:~:+::+=====ooo=o=++=oo=+++++:+::+::::~~:~~~..~~.. .:::::::+ |
| ::~~~.~~~~:~~~::::~~~~~~:~:. ... . .~~::+++:::+:+::~;:=+::::::~::~ |
| ~:~~.... .~..~..~ . .~... .. ...~~~+::~~::::::::::+:::+:::+::~ |
| ~~:~~~~:~..~~.~..... ..~.~..........~~:::~:::::::~:+++:+::~:::+++: |
| ~~~~~~~::~~::~:.~::~~~~::~~~:~:~.~...~~:~~..~::::::++:+=+=+ooo===o |
| :~~~~~~:~~~~:~~~.~..~~:~~~~....~ . .~.. ....~~~..~~~:+==+::= |
| ::~:~~:~::~~~:::~~::~~. ~~~~..... . .~:+++ |
| ~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~++:~. . . .~..~ . ~++ |
| .~:~~::::~~..~. ~~~ . |
| :~:+::~~~.. ..... |
| :~:::.. . ....... .~~~~~~:~. ..~~. |
| ~~~.. .~~~~:~~.~~~ .~.::~~~~.. ... ~:~~ |
| ~.. .:~~~~.~.. . ...~~. .~~~~~~...~~~ |
| ~.. ~~~::~.... . . ..~~~~~~:~.~~~~~. |
| .. .. .~.. . ...... . ~~~~~~~~~~...~~~ |
| .. ...~. .. ..... .~~:~~. ...~.. |
| .... . . .. . .. ....~.~~. |
| . . .. . .~~~~...~~~~~~ |
| ... . ..~~.~~....~~~~~~ |
| . . . . .. .........~~.~~ |
| . .. ....~~~.~~ |
| . . ....~...~~~.~ |
| . ..~.~~.~.~~~... |
| . . . .. .. ...~.~~.~~~~~~~ |
| ... .... ... .... ~..~. ....~~~.~~~~~. |
| .. ........ . . ~~.~. .~~.. .~:~..:=+. ....~.~~~~~~ |
| ~~....~..~.. .. . . .:~~~~ ......:+:.~::::.~. .....~~.~~. |
| ~~~~~~........... . .+=:.. .~..~~~~.~~:::~~. . ....~~... |
| ~~~~~.~......... . .~+=~.......~...~.~. .. ~. . .~~.. |
| ~.~~~~~.~......... ~....~~~.~...... . .. .~~ .~.. |
| ..~~~.~~~.~......... ....~~...~.~.~...... . .... .~ |
| .~...~.~~........ ..~.~~~~~...~~..~..~~.. . . ~~~~~~~~~~~~. |
| .~..~~....... .. ....~~~~~~~..~~~...~.~~........~~...~~::+++++++ |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
07-27
Your companion is struggling and you are blinking, collecting all the
material for the stupid debate you are going to win - Doubebag move
There was an intruding dog used me as a cover for bark from all other
mini doggos of that spot. What's relevant here?
07-26
Is documenting memories useless, it isn't. But it is when you know the
only possible scapegoat who might read this is telling that.
Hurts. /o\
07-25
Just made an excuse for my lazy arse, precessing in a head spin dummy
resoanace
07-22
What to do when sense of guilt slaps you at end of the day? with only
few moments left in the day, curling up in bed and drained of motivat
ion, rewinding past - people who were no more, moved far away and the
struck yourself hoplelessly waiting in the void.
Closing my eyes and sinking in distorted pleasures - darker waves.
07-21
days are scrolling past like banners, So fast. Trying things out but
does it go into mind? unsure. The only great thing is my little smili
ng companion around. Sleep is takimg me over 24x7.
07-19
Woke early and day went by tinkering normal modes - lattice vibration
07-18 day
Today was most natural day. I was feeling really safe in a tight embra
ce, I cannot find words to explain these. All the teeny tiny things
about golu is burnt into back of head. So pure bond, Nothing is taboo
between US!
07-18
This is morning of 18th, I have figured a way to use this ed wrapper
as well as asked my partner to delve into gemini too. Gave SSH- access
and simple script to getting started. Feeling good about these, let's
see we can be regular from now on
.wq
07-17
Planning to write a simple wrapper to edit using ed text editor, let's
see how this is go
04-22
Right At this moment I'm staring at my love, sleeping on my shoulders
I'm totally uncertain about the progress we made or about to make and
the things I have done so far were very 'unconventional me'
02-06
I have watched the one movie that I kept reserve for around 8 years.
I know I'll cry my hearts out watching that and I really did, current
concrete jungle doesn't help either.
It's Balu Mahendra's Thalaimuraigal. Final film of his, portraying the
grandfather grandson relation. I don't want to blunt it out the incide
nt in my case. I was asssured by my parents it was peaceful atleast.
I didn't have a great relation with my pa side grandfather but
I always envied the lifestyle he was having. After my grand mother
passed 15 years back, he was surviving alone. Not lonely though since
he was always surrounded by 5(4, excluding my father) of his children
That was the place I burnt in my mind as proper countryside, the old
tile roof, a stream at the back, a cow shed, a well where I was forced
to learn swimming with bottle gourd shell tied to my back - haunting
memories of it were fresh still now, an unfunctional gober gas plant,
thinnai - a raised pillar on veranda where I hurt my chin and had a
first stitch after bleeding for a while, forcefully plucking my first
milk teeth, goofing around with younger cousins - not in contact any
more now.
I blurtted out words to that side of family pin pointing their behavi
ours and mistakes. Words! those burns wont go away easy.
Will I ever get myself to visit my native place? after the only reason
is lost now too. I don't think it will be happening anytime soon
Here today, gone tomorrow
The END.
01-21
A lot has happened! I have moved out of home and shifted to a new stat
e made relations that will last for years hopefully and re-shifted to
another state.
I just cannot process thoughts anymore, it's always hectic and this is
one of the congested shitehole city in the world. I have been called
as sadists by many of close friends, now it feels like I'm doing that
to myself in the name of coming of out comfort zone, Let's see where
this heads. One thing that makes me shiver the most is I might
suffocate my innocent friend too.
Mental stability on the drain
11-09
A colleague of my pa's also a neighbour had an unforunate fall playing
shuttle cock and gone lifeless. He and his family were close 15 years
back untill pile of verbal exchanges through third party reached ears.
Myself and cousin used to play gully cricket with him when his family
goes away to their native place, picture of me carrying my new bat in
red cross bag to his home is burnt in my mind so does the mock from
cousin for my bat's care.
News was sudden this morning, my pa was on the way to visit him but he
seemed to lost pulse on the spot of fall. Only in the instance of pre
funeral my parents went to their house after years, such a fate! ma
prepared food for them later.
I have counted many 'human life is short, here today gone tomorrow'
dialogues today, even saw a elder doing visual action of shuttle smash
and fall to a person setting DTH dish
11-08
The most difficult thing to write? describing nothingness. What I do
during the phase is playing `tetris -l 9` with background podcast or
music going, this is the only multi task I enjoy without two thoughts
clashing.
11-07
It happens every time when I'm nearing deadline, finding very interest
ing things that would make me forget what's happening around on an
extremely tiring situation - it's called 'arse under burning cushion'
effect
There's Let me enjoy this Oh shoot it got me!
Fire under o Fluffy cushion o (consolidates)
Your Arse! \_ ./ Anyways worth the
.'./ ..'| Burnt Arse
It's a manga/comics this time 'Hirayasumi' and theme is very close to
the described situation above! A slice of life about a feel-good man
living in Tokoyo and how events fit+fold around.
11-06
Within a blink, entries are 2 months old. I can only vaguely remember
what came inbetween, wonder why 'go out and start now' doesn't work as
intended. Even the mere plain text isn't flowing consistently,
Douché Mode - The Eejit in Me
Nan nan Nana NaanaNa na na
If I could just hide
The Eejit inside
And keep him denied
How sweet life would be
If I could be free
From the Eejit in me
09-18
o - o - .o Going into
.|\ .<\ - .< \ - ,-o_ Areo Position
) >() - ()/ () - () \() - ¯ ()/ ()
09-15
It was daunting to see myna carry a plastic wrapper and escape the
crow's chase. 21st century I suppose
09-14
[we know] _
˛., .´ `
.´ `./ o o \
Fungi Are / O O \ - )
Funtastic ( - )- - - ¯
¯- - - -¯ | |
│ │ | |
ad| |ldsal |ddlds
rrrkl dldkLdKrddklddld
09-13
Last week a dragonfly wandered ¸'¯l When I was visitng my pa's
on roof when I opened the door / j , native place, a delta region
I don't remember spotting one / /' \ full of paddy fields.
since my childhood around / ./ j
these parts, water bodies / / / Draggos fascinated me with
have changed - trashes / ,/' ,·' striking colors, markings
started to pile on the /./ . ´ and each being almost unique
banks shrinking sizes / /.·´
of these. Realized 8.-============o< I remember hearing stories
dragonflies are now ¯\/ \`, from parents; kiddos had
a rare sight! __/_/_ assortments of dragonflies
/ ˛ ) tied with threads and carried
Rewinding back to / /¯¯¯, \ around showing off! organic
past my first encoun ¯¯¯\ j balloons I suppose - cannot
ter with draggos were ¯´ picture my pa doing though.
09-12
This was initially meant to be a replay on the mailing but, by the I
finished writing; I looked back on the thread and realized that the
person was asking to choose from his list so it was never made public
untill now, and there's no change from my early 2020 selections too -
I will still recommend these today.
How not to be a creep and strike a conversation
+--------+ +-----------+
.|favorite| .Bye /¯¯¯/\ ¸·|let me toss|
o´ | movies?| o o7 /_¯ /¯˜ o | this list |
\\ +--------+ /|\ '´\ /_¯ / /|\ +-----------+
| / \ / \ ___/_¯ / / \
\¸´ \¸´
¯¯¯
I'm more into documentaries than movies nowadays, very few movies real
ly resonated with me. My three picks,
Yokomichi Yonosuke (2013)
Le Rayon vert (1986)
Lucky (2017)
Ever wondered what this person life/daily routine is? that's the core
of these movies. The storyline is just the character development in a
sense you're experiencing main character's life without any motive.
What's so different?
Artists get freedom to live as themselves than acting as someone else
Since emphasis is more on character than the actual plot, stories are
developed based on exact actors in mind. This was actually the case
with all Éric Rohmer movies; Yonosuke was adopted from Novel - never
got hold of it and no translations sadly; Lucky was the final movie
of a great actor, Harry Dean - never admitted he was acting.
I picked these three in the order based on the timeline they portray,
Yonosuke starts with early 20s, Eric's middle age and then lucky..
09-11
My personal best at starving/fasting was a week, even though I had res
pect for food before - it quadrupled that feeling; Also made me very
vocal towards careless people leaving non empty plates behind. Noting
down inherited recipes from ma is on my to-do list, that will make me
appreciate the food even more.
09-10
. , ¸-,
Straight frames are a thing HL_______________\\ Cycling Inside
of beauty, it took me long / (˜¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯˜k\ The Frame
time to realize because //^\\ o //\\
they are every where here // \\ /\ // '=' That must be
Very recently I stumbled // \\ ·\ () // one of the hard
on these standard cycle // \\ ()·´¯¯// est ascent with
races, it's a show of //\ ˛_o \\ / // sixty degree slope
sheer determination (¯¯ '\( )\ \ \\/ // straight into handle
despite all setbacks ¯¯¯ ===..( )_ \\_ // bar joints;
and makes me not to whine ¯¯¯==( )/ Descending into bottom
about things I don't have access ¯´ bracket shell hole; a
to; just proceeding further. ticket to hell hole?
09-05
¸_ ˛_
(~ ) ( )
o \ /´°
\. °`v atleast I'm watering
| `˛ |
¯¯¯
09-04
It's fun to talk to friends after not being in contact for months even
years, you get the chance to recite what you have been doing since and
relook at changed points of interest; only when I get asked 'are you
into that still' I realize it's a thing of past.
I always had such calls in very unexpected moments and most of the
time it ended with me appreciating good and idiotic past things; like
one time when I drilled a 75 years old buliding with rental hammering
action dril, me and my friend thought playing thrash metal will supp
ress the sound - how navie, vibration shook the whole block and I got
a proper dose from my seniors, only made me praise the solid const
ruction!
09-03
I developed a stigma around mobile phone, it all started with speaking
When I was kid I used to run in circles around home refusing when pare
nts hand the mobile to me for continuing conversation, nothing changed
after all these years - I just refuse bluntly and no more sprinting.
This wasn't the case with answering telephones firsthand, game of pred
icting who within seconds always brings joy. Another aspect of tele
phone calls were, the calling party doesn't expect you to know them;
overlooking fancy tele-messagers and registers.
If I call a friend on mobile, ofcourse I want them to answer; hell-o X
same goes for them. I have prolonged conversations to guess the party
instead of asking 'who are you' right away, why so? it might be sad
knowing they weren't registered on my mind so my goto reason - a very
different digital voice
Around one time my mobile had only parents' number for emergency and
contacts were noted on paper. It didn't make me to love answering the
phone but was fun attending and seeing how parties reacted with my
horrible guesses. I remember one such call, it was from my grandfather
but it had a reverb of someone speaking from well's inside, initially
I thought it was my naughty friend mimmicking and spoke colloquially.
By the time I realized I asked the blasphemous phone question, he was
taken back
I hope that day he wasn't sad thinking that his grandson hadn't stored
his contact.
09-02
c.Ɔ_o o o7
( ) | //\ /\
¯˜ ╱| |\ |\
|------ c.Ɔ |------ |------
| ( ) | |
|______ `¯ |______ |______
| | |
| | |
o | - o | '* ' |
\¸ | - /\¸ | ` < > ´ |
() | - ()\ () | _)o/_/() |
if you were the cyclist here, what would you do?
Although not same, here's the one. It was just before dawn and I was
drolling over the hovered clouds on the hills straight up ahead while
riding. Bam! a douchebag lady disposed the trash from the first floor
onto road, I didn't get hit but dodged a juice packet projectlie which
ended right on the middle of road. Continued straight for few seconds
before making an u-turn, stepped off the cycle and gave the packet a
hard kick; it landed right in front of her gate.
I was really furious and wasn't sure to control myself if eye contact
was made because this was the street I was litter picking, but I wish
she witnessed the kick; hard to miss the thud sound though.
Continued on the ride but that day was ruined afterwards
I should have brought the litter picker from home which was few meters
from that douchebags' and slung the whole trashbag+packet by transferr
ing momentum like a shotput-er, smashing her 1st floor bedroom window
and making a headshot to put some senses into her brain.
damn it's not an ideal world!
09-01
I had been fascinated with bus trips especially the ones that goes
to every remote village on the way instead of point-point, scenaries
are fresh but the main aspect is forceful evasdropping of copassengers
and taking a glimpse of their daily life. I planned on one such trip
on a whim after seeing a recycling centre listing, it was a tech city
in nearby state. I was dropped by family on the town's bus stand with
in few hours because I planned all this coinciding the outing. I was
on vaccation and a distinct cousin of ma lived there so convincing was
easy.
Forward trip was boring because, the moment I stepped into the bus sta
nd I saw point-point bus, as stubborn I could be I waited another 2hrs
till midnight and got into the similar bus. Task there went good; Resc
ued 2 X201 for $, which I still daily drive. On the return strip, I st
arted on morning taking a local bus to city outskirts then onto inter
state and 2 transits to hometown.
I prefer backrow despite the bumpy rides cause I could stretch legs
all the way till goods space which is usually empty on these buses.
Interstate one was filled, but I managed to sit near a 70-80 year old
man. He was streaming a movie on his 2inch phone! no complaints I was
pocketing a similar one too but without all this internet coolness. He
saw me peeking and offered to share the screen, phone was flipped with
holding dailpad horizontally. I tried to make sense of language but
the noise outside made it hard. We parted with a simile after entering
my state.
It was midday and unlike the previous, only 3/10 was filled in backrow
even the highways were scarce with vechicles; ideal for immersing into
thoughts. I didn't notice a copassanger untill a call he answered,
apparently it was from his wife asking what happened? - his friend
commited suicide by hanging and he stayed there to sort all the things
with family; he was in tears and tried containing anger while reciting
I just blinked and let the mid-30s man alone in bloddy eyes.
Reached a bigger town on evening; a final transit bus to my hometown
There were quite a few lined up for depature, picked one at random
surprise! myself and last copassanger were sitting in backrow, exact
postion. Later I learned while getting ticket from conductor he was
going to a town just before mine, I was thinking the whole time to
consolidate with some quotes or chat but When the bus stopped for the
mid trip break, saw him shift to an another bus that's about to go and
I just went out for air with regret of not uttering a word to man who
was letting go of emotion in public. Bus restarted after 30min and
reached home just before midnight.
I couldn't see myself doing these public rides in this present world
never thought it would become a thing of a past era. Cycling to my
rescue now!
08-31
A treat for end of the month, one of the earliest ascii collages I
made. Published on a mailing list when discussion about ascii art for
explaining programming popped up. Ofcourse I didn't dive off creating
my own, there were 2 miniatures I borrowed
|
2 _ _ | .-----------------.
d | 1 | | | Witch of Agnesi |
--- | -------------- | | | on a unit +-------------+
2 | / 2 \ | | | ˛---. | Start Here! |
dx | | 1 + x | | | | / ╲ +------+------+
|_ \ / _| | | L · j | |
0 | | \ ╱ | .---+------.
/ _.--. | | `---´ | | Place |
| f(x) * dx = ---´ ', | | Inflection | | Holders |
/ ___ | | | plot | |are really|
-1/ \| 3 \|/ | `-----------------' | tough |
__v==c. ' | _===__. `----------'
____v==/~~ '\. | v~ '~~===____.
~~~~~~~------------------'i------+-------/------------------'~~~~~~~~\
!._(_)_| v` _
\_)_(_| i` .' `-. _
W (,,.----------------. t(_)_| / /~\ / -¯`-. \|
| d`o| Sucked into | 'i_(_| / C oo * | ' `-oD8
c--(_| Flatland, | \_)_| i¯ _( ^) `.__: /|
| ( | Lost & | t(_| / / ~\ +--------+ ¯
PhS | Asciilarious | 'i_|/ --Keely-----|Hey-Pal!|--------
`----------------' '=/ | Dirac |
_ | _ +--------+ \~/
| / \ \ | | * oo D
| | i * (|) | - m | (_|_) = 0 )^ (_
|_ \ | / _| | \~ /
08-30
There are times when I doze off all day but still feel accomplished
and productive. Nice manipulation!
2 days back I wrote on smell memory. After a quick dive I found there
is dedicated discipline olfactory - to record scent, what a strange
sounding name. Main aim is to cash alongside augmented media but work
still seems to be under way. Damn ask Maude from 'Harold and Maude
(1971)' how she diy-ed it!
08-29
On my usual cycle route, there's a great view of a banyan tree on the
top of flyover. If I start the trip at 5am sprinting I reach the spot
after 10mins. At the hint of pale blue in pitch black sky with the day
light emerging from the hills behind, bats start returning to their
banyan home. It was scary at first with bat flocks hovering over my
head but soon got used to observing with still head; avoiding rabies
kisses. By the time more than half the flock of bats reaches the ban
yan, criping of birds start indicating their shared home quota for the
night was over; all these are synced within 15min
.> < .-, <¸
'>° ,( )-,_ °<'
o ,-.( .- . ')_
¸\\ > .( ( ( _) ), >
()|() ˝>° ( || )
----. < ¯-|-||_| | / /|.·-|¯
\ | l| | v' / | |
`, l | | | | l
'-, l j ~l |
\ / \
¯`·- ¸·- ¸ _ _ _
`._ ¯ )
· - , _ ·´
There used to be lake infront of this banyan but over the years it's
depth has been decreased and the bank is now filled with plastics! On
my way back I pass through another banyan tree and a temple under it
this is on the sides of service road.
No matter where the banyan is, staying under it even fo a minute gives
me a sense of peace.
08-28
I was going through daily chores which is sitting idle and suddenly
remembered a peculiar smell, was nowhere near any things that give it
off. These sort of hinting occurs at random times to me and the smells
itself have a story, a place and a past ingrained to it strongly.
This time though it was streets of Pusan and I believe I picked up on
the flower-ish scent on a mattress storefront. It was first night of
arrival in foreign country. Lights were buzzing on stores and apartme
nts as taxis was on the way to rental home. That mattress shop was the
first stop, it was almost closing time we-family brought quilt and pil
lows; later I was sitting on rear seat very tired. My memories after
that faded away but I remember on the next morning stroll I was given
a similar smelling strawberry shake by pa. The depature date clashed
clased with my annual test and it was on my mind when travelling but
sudden change of scenary made me forget all that for months. Even then
I was sitting idle during weekdays as we-family sideloaded pa as he
was visting the university for work.
Ventured into something there ^
Oh the smells, another that strikes now is my pungent senior secondary
school dorm; it has to do with cleaning agent.
Btw I still have that quilt on my bed, if it was fresh piece on store
then it's almost 20years old now
Present Pusan I'm seeing on videos has changed much From early 2000s
it's same for all the cities on earth, isn't it?
08-27
When I'm reciting a past activity I soon jumble point of view s/I/you
it's under the assumption that someone reading is about to undertake
the same; In fact I have done the same here a couple of days back.
It gets really annoying-faking as an instructor and in reality differs
for each person so I'm boycotting 'you get to' in favour of 'I did X'
this wasn't very evident to me untill I came across a post with exact
above perks, hehe thanks alter ego stranger
08-26
I wonder how every doggos find shelter under heat and rain nowadays
there are no overhangs or space surrounding new buildings it's a
perfect square with 0 cms to spare moreover concrete is layed on top
of road to building edge - what, a zero soil policy?
In a country where humans are finding road pavement as cozy bedroom
it's not surprising for doggos to squeeze, atleast this isn't the case
with pack around this vicinity.
08-25
I was brushing basics on space curves and polar systems, took a close
look on TNB frames of accelation.
\o/ made it!
finish /\┤
/ _/ \
,·´ / \
l ───────────────→ / \
╰-, project this onto /
\ a steep hill /
start
the first path is bird eye view, imagine you are walking forward
along this; you can keep the head straight and either walk straight
or sideways - corresponding former acceleration is Tangential, latter
being Normal
now project the path onto different terrain - a steep hill. Although
the traced path is same, as you move forward you start to gain altit
-ude and body twists with respect to ground accomadating ascent, not
like old video games where you kiss the hill always with just legs
moving. This twist is in perpendicular plane to both directions in
first case and acceleration associated is Binormal
let's tackle a real life situation. Riding on a corner, what do you do
you do to stay along? ofcourse steer maintaining a constant _
speed. Normal acceleration is what deals how fast swaying .─˙ .─╶
sideways changes with amount of steer. The full picture ,· ,·
╱ ╱
accel_normal = curvature × (velocity)² ↑
attacking a corner
steering increases curvature of path linearly but doubling velocity
quadruples the swaying! so next time when cornering slow down or
maintain the speed as usual at start and while on attacking the corner
pump a teeeny bit and steer less - very handy for non power steering
vechicles.
on pro cycling/skating track,s corners are banked/elevated at a angle
where gravity helps to sway. Also in these cases binormal acceleration
is different for each path, one closer to inner edge has maximal bi
normal acceleration(?) due to less steepness but banking help from
gravity is minimal. Gamble on the riders
08-24
Sleash's (dis)comfort is broken finally, let me lay my how-to.
start a timer at midnight 12, a daily cron job for xtimer will do now
fix how much free time you're allotting to the day - includes daily
chore and anything that only resembles consumption; if that number is
13, that's 13hrs of nothingness! awesome
now pause the timer whenever there's work/reading being done and make
sure by end of day around 9-10pm, the timer is behind the number. By
above example you would have progressed close to 11hrs!
why this works? since you can pause timer whenever there's some thing
done, you get the fake sense of controlling the time your self and
when you stray away, the guilt will poke you even mid day because of
the time constrain
from my trails, the best way is to pause the timer around 5 ie waking
before 5 and going into production, that's gives optimism later duing
day, since 13-5=8hrs of nothingness in the daylight! and doubt I have
done anything worthy after 8pm so I go lenient after that, calling it
a day.
my timer now is about to reach 18 (11pm now), quite a progress compari
ng yesterday
I do believe this works for night owls too with an offset in resetting
at midnight 12 - maybe 12 noon
08-23
I stumbled on a cycling manga - bikings by Jun Fudo, initial set
up was very honest, similarity to hajime no ippo really stricks
mc here is s/ ippo/ itto ipponogi, conincidence?
the bikes mentioned were real, early 2000s steel ·¯`
frames, straight geometry and art made me droll o__|/¯`
even info on frame setup and parts were drawn
at end of few chapters, sponsored? while reading dare disrupt
I thought a hill climbling technique was bluff my sleep
tested it on my short night ride today, fatigue cadence
throught the thigh and legs were more apparent than
my past 20km rides! racing and time trial were ballgame level
different than my endurance rides - 20km pun
here's the technique, change to reasonable inner lower gears and
imagine pushing the pedal with thigh bottom instead of foot heal
pick a straight course and pump the pedal as fast as you can.
On the way back alternate with single leg, I can only make 3/4
ish with slippers. I was panting when I reached home street but
2 doggos I know were running ahead cheering, pumped one last time
and breeze in hair was awesome. I did feed them before egg rice
so not for food hehe
oh sleash cycle, I did get away from it - doesn't look like with above
description? atleast partially..
08-22
There's a sense of guilt that struck only at end of the day, reminding
planned things aren't complete yet. Keeping away from sleep as well as
progressing, ending with yet another late night and getting on this
(sl)eep-(ea)t-shi(th) cycle again the next day
o_ o .·¯¯¯¯·, o
/`·./\ \`/ 88 / ¸´·╮
a morning pose? ·`-----·´ ╰´ '
pisces on table °
DownLoading...
I'm a fallen victim to this infamous sleash cycle for 4 days I do know
multiple way outs, testing it tomorrow.
yesterday I reminded family about month off from chewing quaterly anti
helmintics tablets, came across a smithsonian artilce about excavated
15th century monks with proper sanitation had twice the worm infection
than the regular mass, analyzed from unhatched worm eggs on skeletal
remains! why so? hint hint smelly fertilizer
08-21
After a tedious thinking for few nights, I have decided how to re
ssurrect this year old space. One major thing that drove me away
was the replication of www. Why would these small webs
need indexed pods, holes for each post, in the world /\ .___¸
of www it's makes sense for web crawlers to snatch o/__|/\
single page instead of century long life dairy but \/ `-
aren't these small webs trying to achieve the
opposite? over the years I have made ascii arts, collages some
were purged on mailings lists others reside deep, few cool ones
have lost to disk failures.
In the upcomings day I will be squeezing all (un)interesting things
people into this one plain txt and try to engage myself + friends