💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 2069 captured on 2024-08-18 at 22:01:35. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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I swear, a year and half in to moving from STL to Farmington, and I have not managed to eek out one inkling of emotional support from anyone/anywhere since the move, and the phone calls to/from my best friend in STL are short and short-winded. He coughs constantly, can't talk on the phone, I talk silently, can't hear me on speaker, and of course the move itself - I came here to volunteer, but to meet people, have *A* person in my corner again. A GOOD friend, and that didn't come through. Online friends, yes of course, I have those everywhere and I am thankful, also (like many online) totally unreachable and unpredictable in their habits and response times. So I may be waiting a day if I want to talk to someone right then.
Again, the clubhouse has not shown me anyone of close friendship, the "closest" people there are actually just wanting something from me, and are effectively predators in their respective group homes - hustling for sodas, cigarettes, usually the same shit they did if/when they were once locked up. And why tf would a crowd as such suit my ilk, anyway? Not that it matters - who is there is there, but no resonance in personality or chemistry with anyone, male or female, regardless.
Keep in mind: this is WELL OVER two years of no in-person emotional support system. Phone calls, texts, e-mails, that's what pumps this soul forward for two rotations around the sun. None else. Yamming it up and BS'ing with fast talk and cordial exchanges - ok, I got those at gas stations and grocery stores, but a *friend* or *friendship* or *good friendship*, nil. A would-be best friend from another country crossed paths, she stopped the dialogue when she felt fit.
So I trudge through more and further - tar-like repulsion and oil-like hate in my throat for the world, for humans.
May the sun keep shining
sorry to hear this.
it's a completely different situation, but I know what you are dealing with in a lot of ways. I had a particular "friend" in particular who would show up to my place seemingly only to get free smokes and booze, and then he'd disappear for months at a time. Over time, he turned into your stereotypical tweaker. Finally, he stole a guitar from me and I told him to never show up to my place again.
These days, I only have one close friend that I keep in close contact with, an old friend from high school. I have several online friends that I keep in touch with, but this one is my main "IRL" friend and truth be told, I prefer this arrangement. I have very few people in my life that I trust beyond my wife and my best friend, so it is nice knowing I can invite him over anytime and not have to expect any of my things to go missing.
I hope things improve on your end. It seems that people you can actually trust are few and far-between these days, and while that is a shame, it also makes you appreciate those close who you know you can trust even more. Hopefully, someone close-by turns up for you in the same capacity, because while I am appreciative of my online friendships, those "IRL" friendships are so much more valuable since you can spend time with the person in real life and just talk or do some activities together (my best friend, my wife, and I enjoy bowling and playing video/board games together).
Perhaps this is simply a transitory period for you as you acclimate to your new surroundings and eventually a new friend will appear, or if given the chance, you can venture out into your surrounding area and meet some new folk as well. Hope this finds you well, and hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel.
In another sense, I am glad for my online friendships, as I live in the sticks in Arkansas and have nobody else to connect with when it comes to talking about computers, tech, and the like. So while I am a hermit, I am quite thankful for the connections I have made here on the web that I can always discuss those common interests with. :-)
🍺 cheers, t. Hope this message finds you well, and hopefully things improve in your neck of the woods.
'Tis a fickle funny fucked thing, individual relations. These seem to be the options:
1) "it's better to be lucky than good"
2) "try, try again" (at establishing relationships)
3) transcend the need for relationships
Thing is, even when (1) and/or (2) work, it's possible to either outgrow the relationships they bring, or otherwise realize they weren't as they seemed in the beginning. So the game remains harrowing even when it seems to be working.
To me, *that* realization came to suggest (3) is best - that, generally speaking, cessation of need/want is the cessation of seeming lack - aka underlying problem solved.
I suppose a weak version of (3) might be to find online versions of relationship sufficient. But, of course, success in that department can seemingly collapse at any moment - not unlike how a blogging gig can suddenly seem a complete waste of time.
I wish I had a better answer, complete with infallible steps to success. But we're all moving targets, butterflies hyper flight-spastic in unpredictable winds.
For the longest time I thought I had many solid relationships mediated by the phone. But I eventually discovered I was the only one making the calls, with fairly significant alcohol intake masking the unsatisfying experience of that.
Eventually I concluded my expectations were well beyond what the world of others could/can deliver
It took me longer to see that online, where it's easy to imagine making connection being easier. After all, you just type/send/receive/read, right? Don't have to go anywhere. Don't have to "doll up".
But it's funny how hard the easy way can be.
I recently came to see blogging as not too different from my past phone calling, where "no one is reading/replying" equals "no one is calling". And in a way, it's worse online, because whereas calling cessation created a clean break with others, online I can still see others seemingly getting along/close all the time, so "what about me?!?". But it turns out that's generally because those seemingly winning the game are calculating in advance what others want to hear, and delivering that. But that's hardly "being oneself", now, is it?
(Come to think of it, doing such is a "dolling up" of sorts....)
I keep coming back to (3). And there are documented "ways" to get there.
The latest I was reading spoke to how we give circumstances power by first giving thoughts regarding them attention, and then belief. That makes them seem real, and we become imprisoned therein.
The aforementioned butterflies (and winds...) are, in fact, stray thoughts magically appearing, flitting this way and that.
Put down the butterfly net of attention. If that seems ineffective/impossible, "look, but don't touch", where "touch" is the equivalent of "believe". Cultivate (via "practice makes perfect") a state of "Oh, wow, look at these thoughts flitting around! Good thing I don't *have* to attend to and/or believe in any of them! In fact, what a really fun show so long as I don't give them more power/reality (via attention/belief) than they deserve!"
Again... and again... and again... 'til that point of view becomes the habit, the reality. Repetition of thought leadeth unto seeming reality.
Most importantly, look long and hard and without preconceived notion at what's looking, from whence the attention/belief seemingly arises. See it. Once you do, you can't unsee it. Resting therein works so long as you, well, truly rest therein - in contrast to merely thinking you're resting therein, 'cuz that's just more spastic mind/thought flit....
I am sorry. :(
There is a chance I will move soon: I can work remote from anywhere as part of my contract. My partner may not be able to do that and may need to relocate. This means either we stay long distance, or I move wherever he goes.
I kind of not like either of these two options. I have a great support system here: good friends and family.
It scares me to lose that.
I hope things will improve for you soon.