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The Facts of Life was one of my favorite television shows growing up, coming on Nick at Nite when I was somewhere around 11 years old. I was a sucker for old sitcoms back then, and still largely am. However, it wasn't really until I revisited the show at a much older age that I realized I hadn't really seen the first season of it, possibly because they were less interested in showing reruns from it. The first season of the show, which was a spinoff of Diff'rent Strokes, is drastically different than the rest of it, as the show was on the brink of crashing early on and new writers were brought in to rescue it, making significant changes to the show as it started its second season. As far as I was concerned, the show had always been about Jo, Blair, Tootie and Natalie, so it was bizarre to watch the very first episode and not only have a ton of new girls on the screen, but to see such an uncharacteristic plot line be the start of the series. As it turns out, The Facts of Life episode 1, "Rough Housing", starts the show off with a plot line about lesbians. Sort of.
The episode begins with Mrs. Garrett and the girls preparing for the Harvest Fair, which is quickly interrupted by the rest of the Diff'rent Strokes cast bursting through the door. The Drummonds' appearance is mostly fluff placed in the intro to remind you that this is a spin-off series, and that if you liked Diff'rent Strokes they would really appreciate it if you'd please watch this show too. However, we do get one bit of relevant setup during this scene–namely, we are introduced to Cindy.
Though Cindy didn't make the cut when the show changed focus in its second season to be about four girls (losing out to the far tougher and more butch Jo Polniaczek), she is the key player in this first episode. Cindy, walking by in a baseball shirt, hair tucked up in a baseball cap, and inexplicably carrying a pig for the sake of an earlier throwaway joke, asks Willis "what are you doing in a girls' school?" to which Willis replies, "I was gonna ask you the same thing." Here's where the laugh track goes.
Cindy is immediately defined by her tomboyish appearance. At this point in the show, this is literally all we know about Cindy–she looks like a boy. After her short exchange with Willis, Cindy has another exchange with the other big name in this episode, Blair Warner. Cindy's first exchange with Blair, in which Blair jokes about the pig Cindy is carrying being her first date, and Cindy quipping that "you'd probably go for taller pigs, Blair," would probably be seen as a lighthearted joke between friends if it did not end with Blair making a fairly dire face.
After a few bits with Arnold about how he finds girls gross (during which Cindy states that she likes sports, not kissing, which is laying it on a bit thick), The Drummonds finally leave and give the girls a moment to actually interact with each other. Here, the animosity between Cindy and Blair reaches a far more severe point than the previous jabs at each other. Cindy starts pushing Blair and Nancy to practice for the Harvest Fair's tug of war competition, to which Blair responds that she'd rather discuss the Harvest Dance. Cindy ignores her complaints and grabs her leg, showing her what I suppose is a pro tug of war stance, and Blair protests, "would you mind not pawing me? You are straaange."
Ah yes, strange. Strange, said in a strange tone of voice. Though Mrs. Garrett walks in to suggest that there's nothing strange about the Captain of the Games Committee trying to get everyone prepared for the competition, we know that this isn't what Blair means. This isn't the first TV show to use a term like strange, or weird, or other synonyms for queer that aren't queer as it's too well known as slang for gay at this point to use on sensible television. The word lesbian is used at least one time in the Facts of Life, but it is a few seasons away from this episode and only in a very passive, non-personal, hypothetical way. Instead, we get "strange". These words are always said with a peculiar (ah, there's another good one) tone of voice, a verbal wink and nod to the viewers. Blair isn't saying Cindy is behaving in an unusual manner. Blair is hinting that Cindy is a lesbian, as she goes on to do again as she says that "some of us GIRLS" are more interested in the dance and the boys there, which she reiterates that this is something that Cindy wouldn't know about. And Cindy, fed up with Blair's attitude, threatens to slug her. Very, very ladylike.
After a scene about curfews and a quick reminder that a young Molly Ringwald was briefly in this show as an outspoken young feminist, a new conflict starts. The girls must decide who is going to run for Harvest Queen. Obviously, Blair is the first volunteer, offering her entry as if she's doing everyone a favor and slyly mentioning that she has been the reigning queen for two years. Blair expects she'll be running unopposed when suddenly, Sue Ann excitedly nominates Cindy, despite her protests. As Mrs. Garrett returns, the girls excitedly tell her the good news about Cindy's entry, but Cindy tells her she doesn't even own a dress. Not to worry though, Natalie has a dress Cindy can use and Mrs. G has her covered on the alterations.
Cindy still has other worries, namely that she doesn't know "what to do at a dance". Everyone offers advice, including Blair saying, "remember Cindy, you're supposed to be the girl–try not to lead." The other girls decide they're going to teach Cindy some dances, and as the girls begin going up the stairs Cindy thanks Sue Ann for nominating her, then scoops her up in a big hug and yells "I love you!" Right in front of Blair Warner.
With this era of sitcoms being what they are, it doesn't take a hard hitting analysis to figure out that with Cindy now being her Harvest Queen rival, Blair is going to turn her homophobic bullying up ten times what it was before. Before, she was just being her usual season one self and quietly cutting down any girl she thought she could. But now, there's an actual prize on the line, and Blair needs to be sure she can make her opponent stumble however she can. So, before Cindy can head upstairs with the others, Blair, in a horrified tone, says, "Cindy, what's wrong with you? All this touching and hugging girls and ‘I love you'. Boy, are you strange."
There's that word again. Blair wants Cindy to know that she's "strange". Cindy has never thought of herself as "strange" before, but we knew what Blair meant the first time she said it and we know what she means now. The difference is, now Cindy herself knows what she means, and immediately jumps to the defense, stating she "didn't mean anything." Blair leaves Cindy with a warning–"you'd better think about what you mean"–and walks off, leaving Cindy standing in silence.
Up until now, Blair's one-liners towards Cindy were just an annoyance. But now, Cindy's worrying about the fact that maybe Blair is seeing something in her that she hadn't. Cindy's worrying about the fact that maybe she is strange. Maybe she does hug girls too much, and maybe she's not interested in boys. So, she heads upstairs and locks herself in her room, which leads to Mrs. Garrett coming in to save the day. Mrs. G, the woman who throughout her time on the show would always be the one the girls would go to with their problems, who would always give them the right life advice they needed. Except this time, Mrs. G's advice doesn't quite sit right.
As Mrs. G begins talking to Cindy, Cindy dumps all of her insecurities (many of which having been exacerbated by Blair's comments) on her. Cindy's not a "real girl", Cindy wears sporty clothes, Cindy doesn't wear dresses and would rather play sports. She's not Blair. And she's right, she isn't Blair. Because Cindy hugs and touches girls and doesn't care about boys. And then she says what she's been holding up for the last few minutes of television:
"Mrs. Garrett, maybe Blair is right. Maybe I'm not normal."
Cue gentle applause and fade to black for commercial.
Now, obviously not all tomboys are future queer women. Obviously not being into romance as a teen happens a lot. But what Cindy goes through in this scene is something I think most queer teens and adults can relate to. She's experiencing the realization that maybe her attempts to sit around and hope for normalcy to happen to her are futile. Maybe her thoughts that she'd grow out of whatever feelings she's having (or not having) were misguided. Maybe she's actually one of those strange women, and she's going to have to either accept that she's strange or start doing damage control and doing what she can to try to force herself to be "normal". And maybe it's time for Mrs. Garrett to come in and let her know that it's okay to be herself. Except, she doesn't quite do that.
What Mrs. Garrett tells Cindy is that just because Blair was rude to her doesn't mean she has to start worrying about all of these things. Funnily enough, while trying to ease her fears about not being "a real girl" because of her interest in sports, Mrs. Garrett lists off the names of several female athletes that includes Billie Jean King, who was only a few years from publicly coming out as a lesbian at this point. Mrs. G then goes on to talk about how boyish she looked as a young girl, but then she became more and more feminine with time. This is all explained with a "time clock" metaphor that's a bit unclear on whether it's referring to physical puberty or psychological development.
But Cindy's timeclock isn't working, or at least not "normally". "I'm 14 already and I don't even like guys!" she exclaims. I wasn't far from Cindy's age when I started to figure out that same thing. But Mrs. G keeps coaxing her in the "timeclock" direction. And Cindy keeps insisting that she's not normal, that Blair is right, and that she is always touching and hugging girls. Mrs. G tells her that this is normal behavior amongst friends and family, and that Blair is the one who is abnormal for not being able to share that sort of intimacy with friends.
Mrs. G wouldn't exactly be wrong, but the problem is that Cindy sees something different in the way she approaches that intimacy. If she thinks she may have different feelings with her interactions towards girls, who's to say that she's wrong in her assessment? We come down to the biggest issue with Mrs. G's approach–we don't actually know how Cindy feels. Or, more specifically, we don't know how any given Cindy would feel if this were real life. Cindy's thoughts and worries are very much in parallel with the way many queer teens feel, and many of them are just told they'll grow out of it, or that they're mistaking romance and friendship, or any number of things. And there may very well be teens who do feel these things at a young age and do find out that it doesn't align with their actual sexuality. But to assume that by default any young kid questioning their sexuality is probably just confused is one of the oldest clichés in the straight parenting (or in this case, surrogate parenting) book. No matter what Cindy is actually feeling, Mrs. G's advice would be the same. Instead of encouraging introspection and offering unconditional love and support, the answer is just "don't worry about it, it's probably not true."
With a few more words about "timeclocks", Cindy is convinced to let her hair down, put on her dress and go to the dance. It's time for her to go be a Normal Girl, and she again declares her decision to punch Blair square in the face if she gives her trouble again (something that Cindy's tougher replacement Jo actually does in a later episode).
Now that Mrs. G has done her job with Cindy, it's time for her to have a talk with Blair, and this one is a talk that also pushes the boundaries for Mrs. G's advice. Mrs. G compliment's Blair's dress, commenting, "I bet you could have any man you wanted." Blair laughs and agrees, until Mrs. G quietly adds, "and I'll bet you have…" Essentially, Mrs. Garrett's approach to Blair is to suggest to Blair that she "knows" Blair is spending a lot of inappropriate time with a lot of inappropriate boys. After all, why would she dress that way if she wasn't? Checking some fan wikis and doing a bit of math that no one should ever bother doing, we can deduce that Blair was at least a virgin until her mid 20s, if not longer, so there's definitely no canon truth to Mrs. Garrett's words. She gets more and more frustrated at the increasing accusations, Blair shouts, "you just can't jump to conclusions about people that way!" This is exactly what Mrs. G was looking to hear, as she drives the point home–Blair has done to Cindy exactly what Mrs. G has just done to her. "Ah-ah-ah! Appearances."
Blair gets humble for a moment and apologizes to Cindy, claiming this is her first apology in her life. Blair tells Cindy she wants to challenge her in the Harvest Queen competition, "woman against woman", then pulls her into a hug. After another brief appearance from the Drummonds, just in case you forgot this was a spin-off again, the girls return, and Blair has been named Harvest Queen. Cindy is completely fine with this, as it was still much more of Blair's type of thing anyway and Cindy has still won first runner up.
We were at least spared Cindy miraculously going from tomboy to winning a beauty contest against her princess-like opponent, but we weren't spared from more "timeclock" talk. As it turns out, Cindy stared at the boy Blair has a crush on so hard that it made her like boys all of a sudden. Thank goodness, her timeclock has started! Plus, he winked at her, which makes Blair very angry for approximately two seconds before everyone laughs and hugs. All is well, and nobody is gay!
I guess it isn't too surprising that a show talking about homosexuality in hushed tones and euphemisms would end this way. This was eight years before Degrassi Jr. High took a similar but much more progressive and sympathetic tone with a girl questioning her sexuality in "Rumor Has It", and though it was two years after All in the Family took on lesbianism with "Cousin Liz" and several more after "Judging Books By Covers", where Archie discovers a close friend is gay, cheesy comedy sitcoms were far from ready to approach this particular topic in any truly meaningful way. However, it's still a very commonplace approach real-life parents and mentors take towards young people with the same fears. It's a lot less common in television, but the idea is nowhere near gone.
The Facts of Life never really touched on homosexuality again like it did for many other topics (such as rape, suicide or abortion, though usually sort of off screen happening to some one-off character). However, given the complete lack of mention of LGBT folk after this first episode, it's likely for the best that the show never attempted to tackle this topic in a Very Special Episode that it clearly wasn't prepared for. The show still managed to have the gayest pair of straight girls I can name out of 80s television in Jo and Blair, but in this case I think I'm happy to stick with excellent subtext rather than what would have ultimately been misguided text.
(posted 11-25-22)