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Three months ago I became an online troll, and it was a lot of fun.
We all had our own ideas about what this was for, and what it meant, but one thing united us - it had to be funny. Personally, I saw this experiment as part of a larger conversation about what to do when the brands come to the Fediverse, hoping to muscle in, scraping peopleâs data, offering ânew and improvedâ services, adding spam-bots, and whatever other tricks they might think of. This was our first look at the reality, without making it real.
We became the brands. Someone paid for the domain [a], and created a Mastodon account, then we all piled in, and created brand-name accounts.
Some, like the above Coca-Cola advert, we subtle enough that they could pass for real to the unobservant. Others made no attempt at verisimilitude. Jack Danielâs just posted drunken rants.
Coke showed some real skill, with actual Coca-Cola adverts doctored with just the right typefaces, but with little Fediverse-only in-jokes.
The brands began a LARP, responding to each other, arguing and suggesting brand-new mergers.
I started an account for the UK Conservative parties. They seemed like theyâd be at home among the brands, looking after them, offering a helpful bailout when they seemed sad.
âŚand then set the account to toot one more verse of âGod Save the Queenâ, each hour, with âQueenâ substituted with âKingâ, but every pronoun left as was (âGod save the king, Send her victoriousâ).
Despite how ridiculous the posts were, no post was so ridiculous that nobody missed that gag, which was ultimately the funniest part.
What People are Saying about Brands
By and large, when someone didnât get the joke, someone came along to explain it.
I found an instance dedicated entirely to SEO peopleâŚand then another, and a few more SEO contacts, all talking among themselves about how to leverage themselves. One even asked Microsoft for a job.
I drummed up a lot of attention by searching for #Microsoft and related tags, and every time someone raised a complaint, I would leave a pointless comment.
Our support understand your concerns, and will be in touch shortly.
Hopefully nobody was really waiting for that support. Mostly people got the joke, and laughed along.
The funniest of reactions has to be the take-down requests. The first request arrived from (no surprises) Nestle, and that account was deleted, with follow-up toots from all brands decrying the imposter, and suggesting they be hanged.
When the second cease and stop your nonsense request arrived, the admin almost deleted that account too, before noting that the requester was a known con-artist[a].
To everyoneâs surprise and amusement, a real brand arrived, set up shop - Clandestine Absinthe[a]. They got the account, set up their look, and finally tooted their wares to the amusement of all. They recognized âsomeâ fake account on brands.town, but stated they assumed the admin would clear up the issue soon (so many brands had already decried the fake in their midst).
After they stayed for a while, I have to say I like them. They heard about this new âMastodonâ thing, requested to sign up with other servers, and been rejected. Theyâre a small business, who just wanted to do honest, small-scale promotion, to people who like absinthe. If I ever see their products, Iâm buying.
Finally, Papa Johnâs entered. The companyâs known for hiring a PR person to stop the owner saying racist things online, and that the PR person then quit because they couldnât stand all the racism. They just came to sit on the name, and tooted nothing, but I was happy to be in their company, because we seemed to be making a good job of poisoning the well.
I hope we poisoned the well. I hope we created antagonism and ridicule for the notion of brands on the Fediverse. And I hope any real brands which catch wind of it look at the Fediverse as a toxic bog of lawless abuse.
