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Mixed Feelings About My Current Job

Figures my first post will be about work…but it's been on my mind all week, and I didn't want to burden Midnight pub.

So my journal seemed like the best spot for it!

Anyway…

I started this job late August, and came close to quitting on my first day, after they threw me to the wolves. I got swamped with dishes, which was a big deal because I work for a catering company that prides itself on scratch cooking. Problem is, they didn't do any of that or use real utensils and flatware throughout the pandemic.

It was a total disaster, but the pay was too good to pass up at the time. So despite me wanting to quit for the first few days, I gradually came around to staying, mostly for money, yes. But also because my coworkers were very friendly and even offered me rides to and from work. We get free lunch too, and weekends off, unless we have a catering event. And since we work for a school, we’re off on days the kids are. It is, by all rights, a good job. I even have a lot of downtime before the big rush to write.

I just can’t seem to connect to anyone, minus one coworker. And other than video games (including weird and niche ones) I can barely relate to my gamer coworker. Everyone else, despite us all being of similar age, are even harder to reach; there’s just nothing there.

To complicate matters, there’s a wall between me and the cooks, so even when there is engaging conversation going on, I’m too far to participate unless I walk around the corner and stand there while they’re all working in a line. Which just isn’t feasible, since I need to work too, and I don’t like yelling, so that’s out.

I have many days where I can ignore the friendly banter and bonding, but sometimes it wears on me, and I get frustrated that I can’t join the conversation as easily as they can (I do “hit and runs”), but on slow days it’s more apparent.

I doubt much would improve even without the wall, as the dish machine is loud and there are other distracting sounds. And my voice is too soft for them to recognize…which I’m painfully aware of. Just as I’m aware that I don’t talk much (which at least one person at previous and this current job feels the need to mention).

It just makes me not want to talk at all, since it just puts me on the spot when I…legit have nothing to say. Or when I doubt anyone will respond or even pretend to care. It’s happened often enough that I gave up on elaborating on my passions and weekend escapades.

Spoiler alert: it’s gaming and writing related, and I’ve literally seen a coworker’s eyes glaze over when I mentioned my writing. The only person interested is my manager, and of course he’s not my target audience. But also I’d rather he not know me by the name I write under…

But yeah. Super isolating and lonesome job. I love working in the building and all, and the other perks, but that inability to connect with my coworkers doesn’t make me too thrilled to go to work.

I do plan on leaving this job by or at summer. The lunch rush and flood of teenagers each day is exhausting. They are very messy kids and leave me exhausted by the time the lunch period is over. It would be less stressful if we only had to serve half as many people as we do right now (700+). But I’ll ride it out for now, or if my writing suddenly starts raking in big figures per month. I make enough to cover my share of rent right now, but that’s just getting by, unlike my current pay.

I’m going to post more about work in the future, albeit it’ll mostly be humorous or interesting things that happen to me or the crew. It’ll be a weekly thing for now.