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Life has been kicking my butt recently, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I have a few little projects I'm doing to keep myself sane. I'm starting a little sticker album, I've been try to work on my neocities site, and the hardest but most fun, I've been sewing patches onto a flag.
The last one is tricky for me. The flag is a trans flag left by my ex, I have another one that was originally mine, but he left his behind. Leaving me with two identical trans flags, one of which gave me anxiety and reminded me of bad times.
These patches I collected around the same time that I knew him, I have a good amount of them still needing a home. They gave me anxiety knowing I had nowhere to put them. So my brain put 2 and 2 together and come up with "sew the patches onto the flag in a dedication to the things you like". Basically, a way to try and clear out the bad thoughts of these things and that time and make something new out of it.
Only issue is that anytime I work on it, I am reminded of those bad times. With each stitch holding the patch onto the flag it is like a stitch helping to close that old wound. It hurts, it's hard to think about, it's hard to remember, but I can't heal unless I let myself. And so I fight for myself in little ways. I fight for myself to be happy again, even though it hurts sometimes.