💾 Archived View for gemini.shironeko.moe › gemlog › dreams.gmi captured on 2024-08-18 at 16:38:16. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content

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dreams

like any other person, i dream about things when i go to sleep. i guess that's normal. not too long ago, i went to sleep, not really expecting anything to happen in my dreams.

when i woke up, i was in tears. i was genuinely devastated. i wanted to go back. it was too early for me to leave, i wanted to go back. but that didn't happen. i just stared at the ceiling, with tears running down my face. a horrific way to start the day.

i don't even know what to think of the dream, even. my details on it are fairly vague at this point, i should have written things down when i woke up when i still remembered things.

the world was fairly similar to our current world. from what i remember, for a temporary amount of time, i had to move to this strange old-looking building. i think it was in a grassy field, but i'm not sure. i don't know why i had to move there, but i did feel a little bit of unease when i thought about the world.

the world was fairly industrialized outside, but here, there was nothing like that. barely any technology aside from a couple of incadescent light bulbs for lighting the place up. it was an escape from the hellhole that is the modern capitalistic world.

anyway, the point is that i wasn't the only one there; i had to live with a small group of people. in real life, i live with family, so it's not like i'm a stranger to living with people, but still, in here, it felt different. i don't know why.

there was a couple of us, we were all just normal ordinary women. in the house, we couldn't really do that much, so we mainly just talked to each other, or we kept up and maintained the house, or whatever. we didn't really do anything, but for some reason, i felt like this was what i wanted to do all along, to live with a group like this.

one time i sat down in my room, and i heard my friends outside. i got up and went to take a look at them, they were talking about something, i don't remember what. they saw me and they were like, lili, come here, you don't wanna miss out, or something like that, i don't remember.

i went there, and they grouphugged me as i approached them. i turned red like a tomato. we had a nice time just talking about random things, doing random stuff in the house with the very few things we had in here, we went outside and watered the plants and the crops in the field, at the end of the day we would go back inside and we talked for a little bit, and went to our rooms to sleep, as it was the middle of the night.

i remember turning on the light in my room, i sat down in front of the window, looked outside, and kept thinking about my life here at this strange place. i didn't have to worry about anything, i could just live here and do my thing with everyone else, and be okay. i'd be okay.

it felt like i was here forever, living this life for the rest of my life. in reality i was only sleeping for a couple of hours, but in the dream, it felt like i was here forever.

i loved life, i loved my friends, it was a peaceful time. then suddenly, i had to go. i don't remember exactly why, but i remember going up to the girls and telling them that i had to go. i told them, with tears running down my face. they told me that it's okay, as they all hugged me and said goodbye. i went full on ugly crying at this point, then i woke up. the mere second i woke up, i started crying.

what did my brain mean by this? does this mean that i secretly want to live in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of people? did my brain just make this up because i'm really fucking lonely? maybe.

i don't know what to think of dreams, they're cruel. my brain just generated a whole life for myself that i lived down under a couple of hours in real life, but it felt like i was there forever. why did my brain do that?

at least it was a happy dream. there's a lot of dreams where i just die, for no fucking reason. one time i drowned to death. one time i was stabbed. one time i was buried alive. one time i was shot. it's not like dying in dreams is that uncommon for me either, i die in my dreams at least once a month.

the weirder thing is that i don't wake up instantly from dying either, most of the time anyway. it's terrifying when dreams feel so real, and you get killed, and you don't wake up. i die, and i'm in the black void, nothingness surrounding my entire field of view as i float around in literal death itself.

the most terrifying death was when i drowned. i felt like i was dying, i couldn't breathe, i felt my existence fading away, until i finally died. i woke up, and i was in my room, but i didn't see anything. it vaguely felt like my room, but not really.

my hands and body were transparent, and there were people surrounding me, talking about how i died, how it was sad that i drowned, and how they'll miss me. eventually i couldn't hear them anymore, and my field of view got taken over by a white void, with weird abstract shapes everywhere. i was completely terrified as to what was going to happen. i saw a surreal creature, and it approached me. it felt like it was taking my soul away, and everything slowly faded to black. after that, i finally woke up.

that was terrifying. why did my brain come up with a surrealistic terrifying depiction of death for seemingly no reason? i don't want to die! i'm really scared of dying, it's one of my biggest fears. i don't want to die. i'm too scared about what's going to happen after i die. i don't want to go yet.

i don't get why my brain comes up with stuff like that. thankfully it doesn't happen that often, but still, wtf? it's horrifying. do they happen because of my fears, or does my brain just go, "hahahaha, wouldn't it be funny if i did this????"

i don't really know what to think about my dreams. sometimes i wake up in tears from leaving a happy place, sometimes i go through a brutal death. it's like my brain just cats /dev/urandom and feeds the output into me or something. dreams are weird, aren't they.

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written on 2024-02-10

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